What to Do When Your Wife Says, "I'm Fine"

Carrie Lowrance

Crosswalk Contributor
Published Jan 30, 2024
What to Do When Your Wife Says, "I'm Fine"

Women are very multi-faceted and complex. This doesn't mean you have to figure out the meaning of everything we say. Society conditions us to keep what hurts us inside, but you have the power to break down those walls. You should be wondering why you feel you can't trust our answer and why we are trying to hide our emotions.

Many people view the male/female dynamic as complex. Sometimes, when you have been together for years, you don't know how to take each other. This is especially true when a wife says, "I'm fine." There are many reasons we say, "We're fine," which is not comforting to the men in our lives at all. So, what should you do when your wife says, "I'm fine?" Assess the situation and try these.

1. Take Us at Our Word

There's a good possibility that we could actually be fine. This is often the answer we give after a long day at work. This could also mean a long, drawn-out conversation about a problem is not what we're up for right now. We're not trying to be coy. We don't want to explain ourselves any further.

Take us at our word and let it go. If we want to talk further, we will let you know.

2. We Have Something on Our Mind that We Are Afraid to Say

We may be uncomfortable about something in the relationship but don't want to come out and say it. In our society, people frown upon being the first to voice grievances in a relationship.

Give us some time; we will eventually want to talk, and when we do, both parties need to be non-judgmental out of genuine concern for the issue from both parties.

3. Don't Always Assume it Has Something to Do with You

Sometimes, we are upset about other things that have nothing to do with you. A rude coworker, a fight with a family member, losing a friendship. We can be upset about all kinds of things, and some things we can't share because we want to protect someone's privacy.

If you ask and we don't want to talk about it, let it go. We may feel like talking about it later, as long as it doesn't infringe on anyone's privacy.

4. Remember We Are Complex

Women are very multi-faceted and complex. This doesn't mean you have to figure out the meaning of everything we say. Society conditions us to keep what hurts us inside, but you have the power to break down those walls. You should be wondering why you feel you can't trust our answer and why we are trying to hide our emotions.

5. Let Her Know How You Feel

Couple talking sitting having serious conversation

Photo credit: GettyImages/bernardbodo

In a nonconfrontational way, let your partner know how you are feeling. Build up to an exciting conversation that she can take part in and explain why talking about what she is struggling with is beneficial. Easing her into a conversation will make her feel more comfortable and more willing to share about what is bothering her.

6. Be Empathetic

As you are discussing, keep control of your own emotions. What you think is something minor to be upset about may be huge for your wife. Keeping your feelings in check will help your partner feel comfortable sharing their feelings now and in the future.

7. Give Her Time to Reflect

While your partner is sharing the issue, listen actively; don't just sit there. Ask questions when necessary to clarify what she's saying or ensure you are on the same page. If the issue is a sensitive topic, she may need a warm hug or words of encouragement from you to help make her feel at ease.

Letting her know you support her and then leaving her to reflect on the issue or situation and how she feels can be the best thing you can do. Many of us need to think through things and reflect to help process what has happened or how we feel.

8. Respect Her Boundaries

Don't push the issue if she's not ready to talk. The last thing she wants is to be hounded or peppered with a thousand questions when trying to work through something. Instead, go do something on your own for a while and then come back a little later and ask if she would like to talk.

woman sitting on couch holding coffee mug with blanket thinking, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio

9. Reflect

Think about the last time you were in this situation, and she said, "I'm fine." What was going on in your life? Did you fight or say something that upset her? Did she have a bad day at work, or were the kids driving her crazy? Was she having issues with a friend, family member, coworker, or boss? How did you react?

Reflecting on these things may give you some insight into why she is upset now. If some of the same things that upset her before are still going on, this may be why she's upset now.

10. Talk to Your Friends

This doesn't mean you should air your dirty laundry, but it may help to talk to some guy friends. Especially those who have been married longer than you. When you are just married, you are still getting to know each other, and living together differs from dating. You see each other at your best and your worst, twenty-four-seven, three hundred sixty-five days a year.

Meet a friend for coffee, explain what's going on, and ask for some advice. You are not the only man in the world who struggles when their girlfriend or wife says, "I'm fine." Many men aren't sure what to do in this situation.

Seeking a friend who has been married either a few or several years longer than you should be helpful. This friend has had more time and experience navigating their relationship and will give you some good tips on what to do. Although every relationship is different, you can at least get some different ideas on how to approach this situation.

11. Pray about It

Ask the Lord to help you discern the best way to help your wife and for him to help her with what's bothering her. Ask him to give her clarity about how to resolve the issue or what not to do if it's going to make the issue worse.

The relationship between a husband and wife is special and complex. Even after dating for several years, it takes time to know your spouse. Humans are complicated, and knowing what your spouse means is hard when they only give short answers. You may have to reflect on what's going on in your life, leave her alone with her emotions, or trust what she says. Remember to keep communication open and honest and always try to communicate with love. Trust your instincts when your wife says, "I'm fine." If your gut tells you she's fine, then trust it. If it tells you something more is going on, give her some space. She will come back to talk to you in time, and then you can find out the meaning behind her "I'm fine."

Photo credit: GettyImages/Makidotvn