She needs Jesus’ love and forgiveness long before she needs you picking through her closet.
This article originally appeared on Peyton Garland's blog, Uncured+Okay.
Perhaps a bit of my angst with this imperative is simply church trauma, growing up in a strict fundamentalist community held together by iron bars that boxed women into rules and regulations never cultivated by Scripture, let alone God’s grace.
Nonetheless, my frustration began a few days ago when I saw a Facebook post, the sort that is common in the summertime, sharing why women should still dress modestly despite the stifling weather. The post itself didn’t bother me, but it was the comment the sharer made, ending her thoughts with “Just be the Proverbs 31 Woman.” My initial reaction was an eye roll, but then a bit of anger settled into my heart.
I gave it a few days, prayed over my feelings, and mentally wrote and rewrote my thoughts on this, (somewhat) filtering out anything that was nothing more than a personal tirade. I pray you consider my thoughts on why I will never tell you to “Be the Proverbs 31 Woman.” Better yet, as you read, don’t consider “my thoughts” so much as God’s conviction in your heart. Yes, God’s conviction; that’s much more sure and steady than my emotional rollercoaster ride on social media.
1. She's Not Real
But I will never tell you to be the Proverbs 31 Woman because she’s not real. Remember, Proverbs is a book of wisdom, and it’s easy to forget that even biblical writers used symbolism, allegories, hyperbole, and personification to creatively convey truth.
If you don’t believe me, think about it: this Proverbs 31 gal is perfect. There are 20+ verses listing her flawless qualities. She excels in the home and at work, in grace and in patience, with her children and her husband. She does it all, and she does it perfectly. I know some incredible women, and I’ve given every unhealthy part of my heart and soul to striving towards perfection, but I have never met or been the perfect woman. That title started and stopped with Eve.
Just as I wouldn’t tell you to be a unicorn, I won’t tell you to be the Proverbs 31 Woman. It’s an impossible standard held by an impossible figure. Isn’t that what makes Jesus so compassionate and world-changing? Heaven has an impossible standard for us to enter, but Jesus knows we can’t meet the mark, so He allows His love and blood to cover us. He doesn’t want us wasting our lives striving for perfection when He has already settled the free gift of grace for our hearts and minds.
2. She's an Imitator
I will never tell you to be the Proverbs 31 Woman because she’s only an imitator. Aside from the financial break offered by life’s knock-offs, we want the real deal, the original. It’s more expensive because it’s often more durable and effective. So why try to be the Proverbs 31 Woman when she’s only trying to be like Christ, the original Perfecter?
She’s imitating his behavior because she, in theory, is a human. She has no secrets for success, no quick recipes for perfection she crafted on her own. She borrows all her wisdom and talents from God, who graciously gifts us the same opportunities to reach for His hope and beauty. But there are no strings attached, no flawlessness required in this fallen world to receive God’s treasures.
Consider this truth in light of your relationship with influencers, whether on social media or in your community. How often do you imitate their parenting hacks, recipe shares, or marriage? How often does simply imitating another human actually work? Does it ever truly leave you fulfilled when things don’t pan out? No. Because the only thing that ever pans out in our lives is God’s grace sustaining us each time we fail. People can’t offer us such loyalty and mercy.
3. I'm Not Her
I won’t tell you to be the Proverbs 31 Woman because I’m not the Proverbs 31 Woman. It’s one thing to mandate how someone should behave when you’ve mastered said thing yourself (though that is still a smidge dogmatic and often judgmental), but who am I to tell you to master perfection when I never have and never will be able to in my own life?
Think about it: we don’t tell others to “be Jesus.” We say, “be like Jesus.” Even Christ never said that we should be Him. He simply wanted us to follow in His footsteps, even when we mess things up.
I’ve slowly discovered that I grow more when I spend most of my time talking with God about my life than telling others what they should do with theirs.
Of course, we are not only encouraged but commanded to call out believers when they are actively sinning (Matthew 18:15-17, 1 Timothy 5:20), and we are commanded to uplift others (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24-25). I’m not saying that your faith should make you grow silent. But I am saying Scripture clearly commands that we act on these truths in relation to other Christians, not non-believers. Even then, as a prerequisite to calling out other Christians, we are supposed to remove the giant log in our own eye, remember (Matthew 7:3-5)?
I’m certain nothing would push a woman further away from converting to Christianity than you commenting on her bikini while she’s trying to enjoy a day at the beach. She needs Jesus’ love and forgiveness long before she needs you picking through her closet.
I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, the believers in your life aren’t perfect, and the non-believers in your life aren’t perfect. Apart from Christ, none of us is. That’s why Scripture is incredibly specific about how/when/with whom we offer direction.
Questions to Consider
In Tennessee, it is miserably humid, and temperatures are hazily floating between the upper eighties and low nineties. It. Is. HOT. But I’ve learned that instead of judging a girl who’s out shopping in ridiculously short shorts, I should consider these four things:
1. Could it be that, financially speaking, this is all she has for the summer?
2. Is it possible that she didn’t dress with lust or immodesty leading her outfit choices?
3. Could it be that I’m simply being judgmental, labeling another’s sins so I don’t have to look at mine?
4. Does she know the Lord? The answer to this question drastically changes things and should make any judgy thoughts on short shorts disappear.
Friend, whether man or woman, I’ll never tell you to be perfect. I’ll save you time and point to the God who is, the God who deserves perfection but wants your messy heart instead… even if it’s dressed in leggings as pants.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Anastasiia Stiahailo
