My first “body image experience,” as I’ve grown to call them, was when I was about five years old. I sat on the sofa in our living room and a family member gave me the advice to “not get fat.” Thirty-eight years later, I still remember it.
Experiences like this one sprinkled my childhood and led me to struggle with different types of disordered eating, including a diagnosed eating disorder. Even in middle age, I still struggle. It’s not accurate to say that the comment by my family member caused my eating disorder, but I can’t deny that it contributed to it.
Now that I have two daughters, I am sensitive to the language I use around them concerning our bodies. Of course, I want to teach them healthy habits, but there is a fine line between health and obsession. The line between health and diminishing self-worth is even fainter. Satan relishes in getting an early grip on a young child's identity.
Here are ten better ways to talk about our bodies, and body image in general, with our kids:
1. Celebrate How God Made You
I am four feet, eleven inches tall. For a grown woman, that’s short. My six-year-old knows this because she is almost as tall as my shoulders. In our culture, beauty includes being tall. However, I do not criticize my height. Instead, I celebrate how God made me.
When I’m talking to my daughters, I emphasize how my height has benefited me. For example, being short is better suited for some sports, just like being tall is better suited for others. God chose the perfect body type for me because He knew what I needed to fulfill the life He has for me.
2. Thank God for Your Health When You Pray with Your Kids
In God’s economy, His only purpose for our bodies is to serve as a home for the Holy Spirit to fulfill His plans for us on Earth. Vanity has nothing to do with it. Typically, the healthier our bodies are on the inside the healthier they look on the outside, so that’s a plus. However, it’s our health on the inside that’s important. And not just physical health, but more importantly spiritual and emotional health.
When I’m praying with my kids I thank God for my health. I thank Him for giving me a body that is working optimally right now. And I ask Him to continue to keep me healthy. My daughters hearing me thank God for my health gives them a proper perspective for their bodies.
3. Point Out the Strength of Your Body and What it Allows You to Do
Sometimes when I run for exercise my daughters will ask me, “Mommy, why do you run?” I could tell them that I run to lose weight or not get fat, both of which are sometimes true. However, I never say this to my girls. Instead, I tell them that I run to stay strong and become stronger.
However, even strength isn’t for strength’s sake, to gloat over how much our bodies can do. Our strength is so that we can continue to carry out the plans God has for us, and so we can keep doing the things we like to do. I tell my girls that I want my body to be strong so that I can play with them, take care of them, and even one day play with my grandchildren.
4. Discuss How You Are a Good Steward of Your Body
Often we take our bodies for granted - until we get sick or injured. Then we realize how important they are to us. Just like other things we’ve been given, we need to be good stewards of our bodies by taking care of them.
When my daughter asks me, "Mommy, why do you like to eat so many vegetables?" I reply by saying, "I just want to be a good steward of my body." Using the language of “be a good steward” takes the focus off of what our bodies look like and instead emphasizes what they do for us. Our bodies are more functional than aesthetic. They serve a purpose that we need to maintain.
5. Don’t Weigh Yourself in Front of Your Kids
Growing up we had a scale in the bathroom. I would sneak in there often and weigh myself. Today we have a scale, too, however it stays out-of-sight under the bathroom cabinet. I don’t weigh myself often, but I make it a rule to never weigh myself in front of my kids.
Little girls imitate their moms. Even if my weighing myself is innocent and healthy, I don’t want my girls misunderstanding what they see. Nor do I want them to have memories of their mom standing on a scale. From my experience, the enemy uses even the most innocent words and experiences related to body image to dig footholds in young people’s lives.
6. Don’t Comment on Your Weight or Appearance
Growing up, I heard women in my life compare themselves to other women. I even heard one woman compare her body to mine, a pubescent tween. They would ask me questions like, “Am I as big as she is?” or “Do I look fat in this?” Because of my predisposition toward body image struggles, these words left a permanent imprint on my conscience. I believe hearing these comments impacted the way I viewed my weight and appearance. Subconsciously, I thought that if other people are judged by their appearance, then I must be also. I don’t want this for my daughters.
These experiences led me to never comment on my weight or appearance in front of my kids. I don’t use phrases such as, “I wish I were…” and I don’t compare my body to others.
7. Discuss That People with Disabilities Have Bodies Worth Honoring
At church, there is a young girl in a wheelchair with severe disabilities. She is missing most of one leg and she has limited mental ability. At their young ages, my daughters naturally stare at her when she is close by. They do not see many people with profound disabilities, and I know they are trying to understand why she is different from other people.
There is stigma and judgment toward people whose bodies are not typical or the way we think they should be. When I am alone with my kids, I talk to them about the girl they see in the wheelchair. I tell them that even though her body looks broken to us, in God’s eyes she is perfect and beautiful. I explain to them that she is made in His image in the same way we are. God does not see what we see when we look at her, but He sees her heart - her soul - and that’s what He cares about.
8. Express Gratefulness for Your Mind and the Ability to Learn
Sometimes my kids will ask me about my time in school and college. Because I want to teach them that we do nothing in our own effort but everything through the grace of God, I try to emphasize that it is God who gave me my mind to be able to learn. Our minds are another blessing of our bodies.
Just like we are good stewards of our bodies as wholes, we can also be grateful for our minds and our ability to learn by being good stewards of the opportunities we have to use them.
9. Talk about the Amazing Things Your Body Can Do
My kids love to hear stories about my pregnancies with them and their births. When I’m telling them stories, I talk about the amazing things God made our bodies to do. Both boys and girls grow up with the ability to carry on life. Women feed their babies. Babies bond with both parents through contact with their bodies.
Not only do our bodies carry on life through births, but my husband had a heart transplant. Due to modern medical advancements, our bodies can also give life to sick people through organ donation. God created our bodies to do amazing things.
10. Emphasize That God Is a Creative God and We Are Intentionally Made
God is an artist. He is a creative God who intentionally designed each person according to His will. Psalm 139:13-16 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”
God made no mistake when He chose our height, frame, color, eyes, and hair. Every time we look at ourselves and at other people we should think, “Look at that masterpiece God created!” Seeing ourselves and other people as God’s masterpieces keeps our minds on truth and reminds us of our worth.
Image Credit: @Getty/Wavebreakmedia
