How to Be Who You Are When You Don't Feel Like "Enough"

Heather Barr

iBelieve Contributing Writer
Updated May 07, 2020
How to Be Who You Are When You Don't Feel Like "Enough"

When I begin to feel like I’m not “enough” I can know, without a doubt, that it’s nothing but an illusion of the enemy—an attempt to distract my focus, an attempt to take me from what I am really here to do.

Photo Credit: © Getty Images/fizkes

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “If only I could do that like she does…” or, “God, how is this thing so easy for her, and it’s such an incredible weakness of mine?”

“God, why am I not good at this thing like so-and-so is?”

What happens when we focus on what we think we lack rather than on being grateful for what we have?

What happens when we place our focus on the struggle, the hinderance, the frustration, the inability?

What happens when we become overly concerned about “that thing” that we stumble over, that “weakness” —that thing we so desire to be able to do… in our own strength?

What happens when we lose sight of what our Heavenly Father has placed in our hands, that thing we’ve been given the ability to do?

What happens when we start looking around at everyone else, comparing and dwelling on our lack of whatever it is we think it is they have?

We begin losing sight of the reality of the gift, the opportunity, the unique thing that our Heavenly Father has given us. We risk failing to realize the very thing we are created for, the very thing we are designed and destined to do.

What Is the Distraction of “Not Enough”?

Have you ever felt like you just weren’t enough? It’s a distraction. It’s an illusion. Because the truth is, in Christ, “I am enough.”

This is a question I have to ask myself sometimes: “Am I dwelling on the things I feel I cannot do well enough, and losing sight of what He has gifted me the ability to do here and now? Have I become ungrateful for what He’s so graciously given me?”

When I begin to feel like I’m not “enough” I can know, without a doubt, that it’s nothing but an illusion of the enemy—an attempt to distract my focus, an attempt to take me from what I am really here to do.

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10 ESV)

I know that this is the kind of mindset that could lead me into an attitude of ungratefulness, jealousy, or bitterness. I know that it’s an attempt to cloud my vision, hindering me from being able to see what I truly do have in Christ.

So what do you do when all the thoughts of “should have”s and “supposed to”s and “could have”s and “if only”s begin to get the best of you?

When you look at all the things others do so well—their strengths, their abilities, the places they shine, the things that make them special and unique? And then you look at yourself—perhaps with disappointment, discouragement, frustration.

“If only I could do this, if only I could do that. If only I could be this, if only I could be that…”

“…I’m not enough.”

Do you know how the word, “enough” is defined? “… as much or as many as required.”

Synonyms: adequate, ample, abundant, plenty, sufficient, full measure

Isn’t that something?

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV)

What Is the Trap of Comparison?

Comparison. It’s dangerous, and it’s so incredibly unnecessary. I struggle with it. I don’t like that I struggle with it. In all honesty, I get frustrated with myself when I struggle with comparing myself to others.

But in these moments, I know I must take all of this, and run straight into my Heavenly Father’s arms. Because He has this way of sorting it all out. He has this way of making it all beautiful when I lay it all down before Him, when I place myself and my mess into His hands, and when I begin to trust Him with my journey.

Sometimes it sounds a lot like this,

“Father, why is this thing so hard for me, and for that person it’s easy? Father, why did You make me the way You did? Sometimes I just don’t like myself, I don’t see anything special about myself, and I get frustrated with myself for even coming to this place of comparison… Father, I’m struggling with comparison again. I know where it leads, and it’s not good. Father, these thoughts are getting to me, I need Your help. I need to be set back straight.”

Photo Credit: © Getty Images Plus/fizkes

How to Break the Cycle of “Not Enough”

And after I pour out my heart, I finally begin to listen to His heart.

You know, He’s so patient. He always reminds me of who I am, and then He refreshes my hope of becoming who He has created me to be.

If you struggle with this too, I dare you to grab a pen, and sit down with the Lord. Ask Him to speak to you, ask Him to show you who you are. Ask Him to let you see as He sees, from His perspective, from His heart. The things you write down will likely make you blush.

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1)

He believes in us. Isn’t that wild? He believes in us. He believes in who He made you to be, in Christ.

“…And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing His glory.” (Colossians 1:27)

Our Father loves us each with a unique love, and He has us each on a unique path. Can I trust that He knew what He was doing when He designed my destiny in His heart?

When I see from His perspective, I can begin to see there is no need to compare. I can let go of it. When all the evidence in the world leads to, “not good enough,” I can always go right back to the truth of His word.

Take Hold of the Hope of Who He Made You to Be

The Creator of the Universe created you and He created me. Do we fully realize and grasp the truth of this?

You can trust Him with where He’s taking you, you can trust Him with the process He’s taking you through. Always remember that He can see things that perhaps we cannot see.

“I pray with great faith for you, because I’m fully convinced that the One who began this glorious work in you will faithfully continue the process of maturing you and will put his finishing touches to it until the unveiling of our Lord Jesus Christ!” (Philippians 1:6 TPT)

Oh how He reminds us. Thank You, Father.

What would happen if I were to fully appreciate and put my whole heart into “that thing” that God has led me to, for my own life, in the completely unique way that He has made me to be?

What if everything I’m concerned about, all of the areas where I feel frustration about “my inadequacy.” (By the way, the word “inadequate” is an antonym of the word “enough” which means it’s a lie.)

What if… all of that just falls right into place?

What if… I don’t even need to worry over any of it?

What if… God is going to take care of it all?

What if… He’s confident in who He made me to be?

God, forgive me for focusing on what I feel is lacking in me, rather than on what You have so graciously given me. You have given me my very own “thing” to do with my life. You have given me my very own way to “be”—uniquely, and authentically me.

I can trust that You will do the work that needs to be done in me. I can trust that You will help me dwell in the place of being who You’ve always dreamed me to be.

I am going to love who You’ve created me to be, and I’m going to be thankful for what You have given me.


Heather Barr is a simple country girl living in North Carolina alongside her husband, Jason. They have two Blue Heeler pups, two cats, and eight chickens. Heather enjoys photography, spending time in the garden, and curling up with a good book. Heather loves writing about her journey into the Father’s heart, as she faces her fears, discovers who she is in Christ, and learns how to live life in the Secret Place of His presence. You can follow her daily journal at Life in the Secret Place, and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.