“I tried to hold your hand, but you'd rather hold your grudge” (“Which to Bury; Us or the Hatchet?” by Relient K).
Letting go of a grudge is hard. As this verse from Relient K’s song says, sometimes we prefer to hold our grudge rather than let go of it. Holding onto grudges is not healthy for us. By refusing to let go of a grudge, it will only consume us from the inside out. If we want true freedom and peace, we have to let go of our grudges. If you are looking for ways to let go of a grudge, know that it is not as simple as following a three or five-point process. Rather, grudges can take a long time to let go of; however, we are not alone in our struggles.
Giving the Grudge Over to God
Letting go of a grudge cannot be done apart from the Lord’s work in our lives. In other words, we can only let go of a grudge if God helps us. The main way He helps us is by taking the grudge from us and allowing us to let go of it. God does not want you to hold onto a grudge because it will only cause harm to you. You can give your grudge over to God, and He will help it stop ruling your life.
Whether we are aware of it or not, grudges tend to dictate our lives. Instead of extending grace, mercy, and forgiveness, we choose to continue to hold our grudges. The Lord wants us to forgive the person who wronged us. The Bible tells us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). As this Bible verse tells us, we are to forgive because the Lord has forgiven us.
Forgiving the individual does not mean what they did is okay or forgotten. Rather, it means that you are giving the situation over to God. This can be difficult, but you cannot truly forgive someone and let go of a grudge without giving it over to God. We can trust God to hold space for our pain and trust Him to take the pain away. Your grudge has caused you much pain and has probably damaged other relationships in the process. Maybe you were upset with a friend and held a grudge against them, and as a result, now you don’t talk to anyone in your friend group anymore.
As we can see, there are a lot of problems that can come as a result of a grudge, and they might not be easily fixable. However, what we can do is give the grudge over to God and ask Him to help us let go of the grudge. Tell the Lord that you need His help because you are not strong enough on your own. The Lord will help you, and He will carry this burden for you. Give your grudge over to God today and ask Him to help you forgive the individual you are holding the grudge against. You will find true freedom and peace once you are able to do this.
Not Allowing the Grudge to Rule Over Us
As mentioned, grudges have a way of ruling over our lives. God does not want us to be a slave to anything, and this includes being a slave to our grudges. Even if we think we have the upper hand, the grudge is actually the one in control. As believers, we do not need to let our hearts grow with bitterness, anger, and rage. Instead, we need to try to cultivate forgiveness, mercy, and grace. We will not be able to cultivate these things if we are allowing a grudge to rule our lives.
If you are familiar with holding grudges, you know how painful they can be. We might think we are causing pain to the person we are holding a grudge against, but the truth is, we are only hurting ourselves. The person you are holding a grudge against probably pays no mind to the grudge you are holding against them, and they might not even be aware of it. Instead of allowing your life to continue to be controlled by anger and hate, choose today to not allow your grudges to control your life.
The Lord can help you if you ask Him. Nothing is too hard for Him. Everything in our life is a choice, and the only way to be freed from our grudges is to have God’s help. We have to willingly choose to ask Him to help us let go of our grudges, allowing us to have freedom from the grudges that we hold. Many of the grudges that we have could be decades in the making, but we have to let go of them. If you continue to allow the grudge to rule your life, it will only continue causing pain, anger, and misery.
Extending Grace to the Other Person and Yourself
When you are in a place where you can truly let go of a grudge, you will find that it is important to extend grace to the person you hold a grudge against, as well as to extend grace to yourself. All of the pain that this individual caused you is seen and valid. In no way does letting go of a grudge mean that what they did is okay or not severe. What they did caused you much pain, and in no way should this be invalidated.
All of your pain is validated. Through your pain, you have become more aware of the anger and hate that can rise in your heart when someone hurts you. Maybe this person was someone very close to you, and you loved them very much. Try to look past the wrong and forgive them as the Lord has forgiven you. The individual probably does not deserve the grace you are extending to them, but neither did we deserve the grace God extended to us by sending His Son to die for our sins.
This is one of the harder parts of following Jesus—we have to actually follow His teachings. By all possible means, the Lord could have cultivated a grudge against all of us because it is our fault that He had to die for our sins and suffer on the cross. However, never do we see the Lord holding a grudge against us. The Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit never hold a grudge against us. Instead, they forgive us because they love us. We need to see this as a model to follow.
It is us as humans who caused the fall and caused sin to enter into the world. While there were consequences for Adam and Eve’s disobedience, never does God hold a grudge against them. Instead, we see the Lord descending from heaven to repair our broken relationship with the Father. This is what we must do as believers. We have to extend grace and mercy to the person we are holding a grudge against. Even if they don’t deserve our forgiveness and grace, we still need to extend it.
In the same way, we also have to extend forgiveness to ourselves. It is difficult not to be so hard on ourselves, but this is something that we must do. After we have moved forward from a grudge, we might feel regret and anger that we allowed a grudge to consume so many years of our life. This will cause us to feel anger and resentment within ourselves, yet we must not feed into these feelings. Instead, we need to extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness to ourselves.
It is hard to let go of a grudge, but with the Lord’s help, it is possible.
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