Not Really Sure
- 2014 Jan 22
That night I laid in my bed tossing and turning. I glanced at my phone…11pm, 1am, 3am, 5am.
The hours of the night passed and I found no sleep.
I had just made a big decision and was wrestling with a lot of doubt about it. Throughout the night one question continually tapped on my soul, “Did I really do the right thing?” I just couldn’t find the assurance my heart needed.
Worry. Anxiousness. Fear. And even a dose of sadness overcame me.
Sometimes it’s so hard to know if we made the right decision.
We look for three-point formulas, we seek advice, and we pray. We may even fast but ultimately almost every decision we make can come with doubt.
When 6am rolled around I got out of my bed and tiptoed down our stairs. I prayed for no one else to get up, just for thirty minutes. I needed my God. I needed His peace. I needed His confirmation over my decision.
But God didn’t offer me those things at 6am. Instead, what He offered me was this promise in Proverbs 16:9,
I wish I could tell you there’s a way to never question the choices we make. I wish I could tell you the things we can do that will always lead to a perfect peace in decision-making.
But what I’ve come to understand about making decisions is:
even when we desperately seek God,
even when we pray,
even when we seek council,
there really isn’t a place of 100% assurance.
But I had to find a resolve at 6am with that decision I had made. And our gentle God spoke through that verse in Proverbs 16:9.
I can make my plans and decisions, but a life yielded to God means I’m open to His movement in every way.
So I want to quit making plans, writing to-do lists and making decisions based on a false assurance that everything will be just right. I want understand how assurance is only found in the promises of God, no matter what twists and turns we take.
Because when we make decisions based on this promise [Proverbs 16:9] from God, we don’t have to live in fear and continually wonder if we made the right decision.
As I continue to make decisions I’m sure I’ll still feel I’m only 75% sure I’m doing the right thing. But because of this promise, I’m 100% sure that even if I wander into something that isn’t part of my God-dream, He will still use it.
And this is a promise is for every person who has doubted a decision they have made.