How to Heal From the Pain Your Parents Caused You

How to Heal From the Pain Your Parents Caused You

The early spring air was brisk that afternoon. My blue and white calico skirt flapped in the wind. All the fourth-grade classes had worked hard to master our square-dance number. Earlier that morning, I reminded my mother about my performance. We organized ourselves into eight groups. Soon, the audience trickled in and rows of chairs began to fill with parents and loved ones. I worried when I couldn't find my mom’s face in the audience. As my teacher cued the performers, the joy of learning to square-dance was replaced with the pain and rejection. I was the daughter of a ‘no-show’ parent.

Tattered pages of pain are part of everyone’s life story. Old memories. Flippant words. Indifference. Healing from the pain our parents have caused us is no easy feat.

In Forgiving As We’ve Been Forgiven, L. Gregory Jones tells us, “Bitterness and brokenness are real in every congregation, family, and community--because every one of us is broken.” If we can view our parents from this outlook, we can learn the power of reconciliation. We can begin to heal from old wounds our parents inflicted.

1. Parenting Style May Affect Your Level of Inner-Pain

How your parents raised you may have impacted the level of pain you experienced. Perhaps a strict parents caused you to struggle with fear or stress. Any wrong move meant you’d be punished or even beaten. The uninvolved parent may have led you to feel neglected. You felt ignored, even invisible. If your parents were too permissive, you got away with almost anything. Guidelines weren’t established. You wonder if they ever really love you.

Yet, old pain or new resentment can serve as a needed catalyst to create a healthier, emotional outlooks. Why? Because the Holy Spirit slowly nudges us to have important conversations with our Moms or Fathers. God does lead us to healing.