While you didn’t get a choice of what they created through their parenting styles or skills—you do get a choice of what you’ll continue. What you choose to carry on will carry over to your dating relationships.
The choice wasn’t yours then.
But the choice is yours now.
I didn’t want to believe this at first about my own dating life. I wanted to be the exception. I wanted to be the exception so I could keep making my excuses—and continue avoiding the real issues at heart: my heart.
For example, I would hear people—from friends to pastors to professional relationship coaches—advise men to watch the way a woman treats her dad. Because how she treats her dad is how she’ll most likely treat her husband.
Ugh! I balked in my mind.
But I have goodreason to be disappointed with or resentful towards my dad (and impatient with my mom)! I thought each time I heard that advice to unmarried men. I would still honor and respect my husband, no matter what!
Now I couldn’t agree more.
How a woman treats her parents speaks volumes of how she’ll probably treat her spouse. This doesn’t mean always having an active relationship with your parents. But what is your heart’s condition towards them?
Are you holding a grudge?
Are you blaming him or her?
Are you idealizing him or her?
(Making it hard for anyone else to measure up?)
Whether you’re actively dating or not, it’s important to discover what fruit in your life is rooted in your past or present relationships with your parents:
· If it’s good fruit, this will help you identify what you want to continue.
· If it’s bad fruit, this will help you identify what you want to cut.
And when you identify unhealthy fruit to uproot:
Remember that change takes time. Decades-old thinking rarely changes overnight. That’s because God’s got blessing in the pressing. But be confident in this: God designed you and destined you in Christ for renewal.
He has literally designed your brain and body to renew itself. He’s even designed Creation like foods for nutrition, exercise, certain essential oils, and more, to work with our bodies and emotions to complement or accelerate that renewal process.
He’s also designed relationship for renewal. Hurt can come through relationship—but healing can also come through relationship. And building relationships are a skill. And building a skill takes time but also intention and repetition.
Maybe you already have the abundant (yet drama-free) dating life of your dreams. But if not, a great place to start is by examining your emotional baggage—which tends to be packed with fruits from roots of your relationship with your parents.
Lighten your load by exchanging your burdensome emotional baggage for the dating freedom & healing you can find in Jesus.
Rebecca Halton is an author, blogger, budding wellness enthusiast and online entrepreneur who is passionate about empowering other women to be as free and fierce as possible. Rebecca credits these two things with her transformation towards in her own relationships with her own parents.
Image Credit: ©Thinkstock