Parenting becomes a tug of war when moms and dads insist on having their own way with issues that are a matter of personal preference. As kids grow, they will develop tastes different than ours. I remember when my preteen girl stopped wanting to wear the pink, feminine clothes she’d always preferred. At first, I’d try to subtly pressure her when we went shopping, but later I realized I needed to give her freedom to develop her own independent style. Parents need wisdom to choose their battles wisely.
Children also need freedom to discuss different ideas and beliefs with their parents. Of course, we want to teach our young people to love and follow God, but we have to recognize that they come in contact daily with opinions and beliefs contrary to Scripture. They may begin to question some of the things we’ve taught them. However, having an open mind to listen and dialogue with them, rather than dogmatically refuting their ideas, enhances our relationship. It gives them a safe space to work through faith issues.
As we focus on speaking life-giving words, listening, and being available, we communicate to our children that we love and value them. Apologizing when we blow it lets them know we care more about our relationship than about being right. Even when our kids feel tempted to defy us or rebel for a short time, these ingredients to a healthy connection can win their hearts in the end.
Betsy de Cruz writes and speaks to help overwhelmed women take small steps to invite more of God’s presence and power into their lives. Connect with Betsy and get a free Quiet Time Renewal Guide at FaithSpillingOver.com. Her book More of God is a distracted woman’s guide to more meaningful quiet times. Betsy and her husband José live in Arlington, Texas and love hanging with their two young adult children.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/fizkes
We are owed eternal separation from God, according to Romans 6:23. But God, in His amazing grace, chose to send us a Savior. God paid the price for grace we never deserved. When we understand that the very gift of eternal life that we have was just that – a gift, then it is much easier for us to avoid complaining about the circumstances of today. Even if you are living through the worst of scenarios right now with your health, marriage, finances, or children, our lives our temporary. Our eternity will look much different, when we know the Lord as our Savior.
As a child, can you remember possessing a sense of wonder about the world? Do you remember looking to the sky in awe of how big and blue and impressive it was? Do you remember saying childhood prayers where you thanked God for the flowers, the trees, and the very air you breathed? We were thankful for moms and dads and sisters and brothers, a roof over our heads, and food in our bellies. What age does that shift? When do we stop being thankful for the little things and the big ones that God has provided? When do we determine that only the ones we deem big are worth thanking God for? In fact, what gives us the right to even categorize any of God’s blessings on our lives as small?
Many of us think that what we have is never enough. We always want more. If we’re hungry and the food bank is passing out bread, we want two loaves instead of just one. If the church is giving away free coffee after Sunday service, we’re irritated that it isn’t Starbucks and not just a simple off-brand. If we’re single, we want to be married. If we’re married, we want a better spouse. We want to be thinner, prettier, and richer. We want a good job, then a better one. Then, that job is no longer the best job, so we search for the next job. And we’re raising children who are just as bad. They often aren’t grateful for the new toy, they want the best toy. They aren’t sensitive to financial boundaries, because culture (that’s us) permeates the greed of more, more, more. And the pursuit of that façade will never make us happy or fulfilled or thankful. The pursuit of Christ is the only true fulfillment we will ever know.
Look at Exodus 16:17-18. “So the people of Israel did as they were told. Some gathered a lot, some only a little. But when they measured it out, everyone had just enough. Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough. Each family had just what it needed.”
My provision doesn’t look like your provision. What I need in my life is different from what you need in your life. Maybe you’re in a season where God wants to stretch your faith, so you don’t have much. It doesn’t mean it isn’t sufficient. He’s teaching you some things about faith. Sometimes, God hasn’t given us what we asked for, because we don’t need it, or maybe we haven’t been faithful with what He’s already done.
Sadly, many of us are grateful for God’s provision for about 30 seconds. Then, we move on to the next thing we want. God always has a plan. When the Red Sea was parted, it wasn’t this last-minute, impulsive move on God’s part. He always knew he had a way. He has a plan and purpose for you, as well. Take some time to journal what God is doing for you. Write it down and save it. Create a gratitude journal or a gratitude jar. Look back over the months and years of how faithful God has been.
God will always do more than we think. He will provide in ways that we can’t even think about asking Him for. He’ll do things that are substantial, miraculous, earth-shattering, and life-changing. He knows what He’s doing. Trust Him to do it and get grateful about it.
Exodus 16:9-10 says, “Then Moses said to Aaron, ‘Announce this to the entire community of Israel: Present yourselves before the Lord, for he has heard your complaining.’ And as Aaron spoke to the whole community of Israel, they looked out toward the wilderness. There they could see the awesome glory of the Lord in the cloud.” Just a couple of versus before they had been complaining about what they didn’t have. Their focus was not on the glory of the Lord, his provision, his grace, and the fact that he had just rescued them out of decades of bondage. But, when their focus shifted, all of a sudden they saw the glory of who God truly is. What would happen in your life if you chose to focus on the awesome glory of the Lord every day.
When we choose to shift your perspective, we can see God’s handiwork all around us. We may not have everything we are praying for right now, but there are others with greater needs, greater lack. God is a good God who provides.
Read Exodus 16:19-20, “Then Moses told them, ‘Do not keep any of it until morning.’ But some of them didn’t listen, and kept some of it until morning. But by then it was full of maggots and had a terrible smell. Moses was very angry with them.” What is in our lives right now that was meant to be a blessing, but is now beginning to stink, because we haven’t obeyed God or taken care of the provision? Children are a beautiful blessing from God. But when we don’t’ follow the Lord’s instruction in raising them in the way they should go, they can cause us great tears, pain, and grief. Sex within marriage is a beautiful thing, but outside it, great pain is ultimately involved. A godly husband is a blessing from the Lord, but when we step outside of God’s will to find one, there will likely be many hardships and sleepless nights.
When God gives a command for our lives, it’s not a suggestion. It isn’t optional. We get into trouble when we choose not to obey, and our disobedience often creates a disgruntled, complaining attitude that pushes focus away from us and redirects it to others in our lives. We find ourselves complaining about our bosses, pastors, spouses, family members, friends, and others.
Contentment is a choice. Choose to be grateful. What do you have in your life? Do you have healthy children? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have access to transportation? Do you have a best friend? Do you have a loving church? A job? Education? Breath? Paul writes about this so famously in Phil. 4:11-13, and I’m paraphrasing, “ I have learned to be content with whatever I have, whether a little or a lot, empty stomach or full… and he finishes with, For I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me.” In other words, God is going to give me the strength I need in the season I need it, so I’m going to choose to be thankful for where I am and what I’m doing right now.
If we aren’t grateful for the things we have in our lives, we will never be grateful for these things we are begging God for. That new hair color, promotion, ministry opportunity, car, job, house, friend, boyfriend --- none of those things will ever do. Because we are always choosing to focus on the next best thing. When we have this attitude, we impact others. We exhibit to our children that complaining is acceptable. Have you ever noticed how you may be having a perfectly fine day at work, but when a co-worker comes over to complain about the boss or another coworker, you leave the conversation feeling crummy? Our words have the power of life and death. Always ask yourself if the words you are speaking to your spouse, co-workers, or friends are impacting their live positively or negatively.
In Exodus 16-6-7, there are multiple references to how the Israelites complaining was against God. In fact, Moses and Aaron said on several occasions, “You’re complaints aren’t against us. They are against God!” Consider this. What is the last thing you were complaining about? Your job? Boss? Church? Children? Dirty laundry? Chores? Difficult financial decision? Whatever it was, there is a blessing attached to it. Those dirty clothes are evidence of God’s provision in your life. The fact that you even have a boss means you have a job. The difficult financial decision likely represents at least some finances coming in. In other words, God’s provision is all around us, but when we complaining constantly, it distances us from intimacy with our Lord.
Recently, the air conditioning service went out in our building. We are in the South in more than 90 degree temperatures, right now. The process for repair took much longer than expected and we wound up having to endure the heat for two weeks. My complaining every morning about the problem didn’t solve it. Id didn’t change anything, and it likely made other staff members uncomfortable, ill-focused, and more disgruntled. Friends, we need to shift our perspectives today. We need to be focused on gratitude. What are the things in your life that you can choose to be thankful for instead of complain about?
The truth is: We have all that we need for today. You may be in a place in life, where you don’t where the rent is coming from yet, but you have all that you need today. You may not know where the next meal is coming from tomorrow, but you have all that you need today. You are blessed and highly favored, and there are others who would love to be where you are in your life, in your season. Let go of complaining today.
Jennifer Maggio is CEO/Founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is passionate about encouraging women and single parents. She is a mother to three and wife of Jeff. She is author to four books and speaker. For more information, visit www.jennifermaggio.com.