In the whirlwind of planning a wedding, things may be misplaced, overlooked, or even forgotten. Because there are a hundred tiny details to remember, it is nearly inevitable that something will be left undone. Fortunately, most forgotten incidentals won’t affect the couple’s special day.
Timely words of wisdom, however, should not be left unsaid. As your daughter’s wedding day draws near, schedule a quiet time to talk with her about some of the most important things to remember. Here are 10 things to say to your daughter before her wedding day arrives.
1. Love God Most
Especially if your daughter is a believer, remind her that she first said, “I do” to the King of Kings. Encourage her to always remember her “First Love” and to love Him with all of her heart, mind, soul, and strength.
By loving the Lord first, she will be grounded and secure, able to love her husband as God designed. She won’t be as tempted to expect her husband to fulfill what only the Lord can. In turn, the new couple will have a beautiful balance right from the start.
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. Matthew 22:37-38
2. Love Your Husband More
Next to God, let your daughter know that her love for her husband must outshine any love on earth. This includes family, friends, and even future children. As difficult as that may be to fully understand, the love between husband and wife must be a top priority.
Explain to your daughter the oneness God designed for marriage as an “undividedness” that the Lord created when He fashioned Eve from Adam’s rib. Let her know that there will be times when she is tempted to put her husband last, due to life’s many demands. But encourage her to always give top priority to her soul mate and face life’s challenges as a united front.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 1:24
3. Communicate Well
Being able to communicate effectively is a priceless quality in marriage. From small, insignificant issues, to big, life-changing ones, healthy communication can drastically reduce conflict from the start.
Teach your daughter to speak openly, always within the context of love and patience. Encourage her to discern when to let things go and when to speak up. Offer conversation starters that will help her get to the root of the issues and not skirt around difficult subjects.
Most of all, direct her to pray before she has any big discussions with her husband. Encourage her to listen to the Lord’s guidance and walk in His will, not her own.
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. Proverbs 15:1-2
4. Yield Often
James 3:17 says, “the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.” (NLV)
The beautiful attributes within this one verse can transform a marriage if both husband and wife are willing to yield. Encourage your daughter to seek God’s wisdom in all purity, peace, and gentleness. Urge her to yield often, not exerting her own way, but being attentive to her husband’s wisdom and direction. Especially when a man is committed to loving his wife as Christ loved the church, it is easy for her to yield, knowing he has her very best in mind.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Ephesians 5:22-23
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…Ephesians 5:25
5. Learn Contentment
When the honeymoon is over and real life sets in, there may be times of restlessness and discontentment. It’s important to discuss this with your daughter, letting her know that during dry seasons, she will need to be even more vigilant in leaning into God.
Husbands cannot fulfill every need, nor should they be expected to. Depending on God to be her ultimate source of joy will help her to be content in good times and bad. This will take a lot of pressure off of the marriage and be a good basis for conflict resolution.
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
6. Be Quick to Listen
Depending on your daughter’s personality, this will either be an easy tip or a very difficult one. Share with her the Bible’s wisdom on being quick to listen and slow to speak. Teach her the value of a “word aptly spoken.” (Proverbs 25:11)
This doesn’t mean she won’t have a voice in the marriage. It simply means that when she does speak, it will come from a place of thoughtfulness and consideration. Listening well is actually the first step in communicating well. By hearing what her husband is really trying to say, she won’t be as quick to argue or jump to conclusions.
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20
7. Do The Budget Together
Being on the same page concerning finances is a huge must for newlyweds. Not only will it help keep the young couple on track, it will hopefully open up communication regarding spending, saving and tithing. Encourage her to be an active part of the budget so that she is mindful of how she spends money.
Be honest with your daughter about the majority of marital troubles that are due to financial strain. The more unified they are, the easier it will be to get through tough times. Offer tips and resources that may help guide the young couple to get off to a solid start. Perhaps, share with her examples of how you once worked through financial hardship and what you learned along the way.
As for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, and given him power to eat of it, to receive his heritage and rejoice in his labor—this is the gift of God. Ecclesiastes 5:19
8. Discover His Love Language
Your daughter will make huge strides in her marriage if she cultivates her husband’s love language. It will make all the difference in how she relates to him and how he perceives her love.
In the book, The 5 Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman, the author shares wisdom and insight from his own marriage of more than 45 years. He pinpoints 5 ways people perceive love and offer love to others. Consider buying a copy of his book for your daughter and her new husband. It will be a valuable gift for many years to come.
And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 1 Peter 4:8-10
9. Encourage Her to Communicate Her Love Language
It will be equally beneficial for your daughter to communicate her specific love language as well. Encourage the young couple to take a love language test together so they can see what makes the other one “tick.” This will be a great start to a lifelong bond that will deepen as the years go by.
As your daughter leaves and cleaves to her new husband, she will experience a season of growth and maturity. She will need to be filled with the kind of love that makes her feel treasured. By communicating her love language, her husband will better understand how to meet her needs.
Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord…Romans 12:10-11
10. Set Healthy Boundaries
This is probably one of the toughest concepts for couples of all ages, yet it is crucial for a happy and healthy marriage. Boundary setting with parents, friends, coworkers, and even fellow church members will ensure that the marriage stays strong and unified.
Too often, couples don’t have the skills to set healthy boundaries. Time commitments, work pressures, and extended family obligations can leave the husband or wife feeling isolated and unimportant. From the start, teach your daughter to set strong boundaries that are both loving and fair. Remind her to always make her husband a priority. Then, together they can set healthy boundaries for their marriage and future family.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Mark 10:7-9
Jennifer Waddle is best known for offering Biblical encouragement for women in the trenches of life. She is the author of several books on Amazon, including Prayer Worrier: Turning Every Worry into Powerful Prayer. She is also a contributor for GotQuestions.org and WomensMinistryTools.com. She resides with her family near the foothills of Cheyenne Mountain—her favorite place on earth.
You can connect with her at www.jenniferwaddleonline.comor check out her books on Amazon.
Originally published Friday, 20 October 2017.