Dealing with Loneliness After Losing Your Spouse

Emmanuel Abimbola

Emmanuel Abimbola

Contributing Writer
Published Jul 09, 2024
Dealing with Loneliness After Losing Your Spouse

Remember, the church is not only a place to worship but also a family because we believers have been tasked with this duty and responsibility in Galatians 6:2: "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

When you lose a spouse, it's like losing a part of yourself. Your partner was the person you shared everything with—your joys, fears, and daily routines. The absence of that emotional support can feel like a gaping hole in your heart. Those quiet moments, like sharing a morning coffee or discussing your day before bed, become stark reminders of your loss.

You might find yourself talking to their photograph or memory, yearning for those intimate conversations. It's perfectly natural to miss those small yet significant interactions. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is near unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." This verse reassures us that even in our deepest sorrow, God is close and offering us comfort and understanding.

Social loneliness is another layer to this grief. Activities that once brought you joy now highlight your solitude. Fun and basic activities such as going to church, attending family gatherings, or participating in social events can be painful because your spouse is no longer by your side. And no matter how you try to mask it when you're in public, the sight of couples or families can intensify your feelings of isolation.

So, it's important to recognize these feelings and permit yourself to grieve. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand your loss. Remember, Galatians 6:2 says, "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Sharing your feelings with others can lighten the heavy load of loneliness.

Losing a spouse can even impact your spiritual life. You might find yourself questioning God or struggling to feel His presence. This spiritual loneliness can make you feel spiritually disconnected.

In these moments of doubt, it's helpful to remember that questioning and seeking understanding are part of the journey. The Scripture says in Proverbs 3:5, "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." It's okay to struggle and seek answers, but keep trusting that God has a purpose, even when it's hard to see.

Finding Comfort and Hope 

When dealing with loneliness after losing a spouse, it is important to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Seek support from friends, family, and your faith community. Remember that God is always with you, even in your darkest hours.

As you navigate this challenging time, lean on the words of the Bible for comfort and strength. Cling to God's promise in Matthew 5:4, "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." This promise reminds us that comfort and peace will come, even during our deepest sorrow.

Dealing with the loss of a spouse is incredibly tough, and finding solace in faith can be a powerful way to navigate this challenging time. 

Here are some thoughtful ways to get through this feeling:

1. Lean on Your Faith and Trust in God

Losing a spouse can shake you to your core, making it hard to see beyond the pain. But remember, Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is near unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." Trusting that God has a plan, even when it's hard to understand, can bring comfort. Spend time in prayer and read your Bible regularly. Let His words be a lamp for your feet during these dark times.

2. Connect with Your Church Community 

Isolation can make loneliness worse, but God doesn't want you to go through this alone. Remember, the church is not only a place to worship but also a family because we believers have been tasked with this duty and responsibility in Galatians 6:2: "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Therefore, in your time of grief, do not hesitate to reach out to fellow believers, join small Christly groups, and engage in church activities. Having a circle of encouraging friends around you can uplift your mood and be a constant reminder that you are not alone. 

3. Embrace New Routines and Hobbies

After losing your spouse, your daily life changes drastically. It’s now important that you find new routines and interests to fill the void. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, "To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven." So, whether it's volunteering, gardening, painting, or any other hobby, endeavor to find joy in new activities, as doing so will help ease your feeling of loneliness. These activities can also be a way to honor your spouse's memory by doing something they loved or that you both enjoyed together.

4. Seek Professional and Pastoral Support

Grief can be overwhelming in a time like this, and sometimes, talking to a professional counselor or your pastor can be incredibly beneficial. That is why Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where no counsel is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." A Christian therapist can provide you with the necessary tools to help you cope with your grief while keeping your faith at the center of your healing process. Also, pastors can offer spiritual guidance, pray with you, and help you find peace in God’s promises.

5. Reflect on Happy Memories

I understand that losing someone you love deeply is incredibly hard, and at first, it might seem unbearable to even think about the good times you had. But here's the thing: reflecting on those happy memories can bring a sense of peace and comfort. Take some time to create a memory book filled with photos, letters, and little keepsakes that remind you of the wonderful moments you shared. 

Maybe it’s that favorite vacation, a special anniversary, or just those simple, everyday moments that made your life together so rich. Looking through this memory book can be like having a warm conversation with your spouse, keeping their spirit alive in your heart. Doing this is a way to celebrate the love you had, which remains a beautiful part of who you are.

6. Take Care of Your Physical Health

Grief doesn't just affect your heart and mind—it can really impact your body too. That's why you must strive to take good care of yourself physically, no matter how you feel. The best approach is to start small, like going for a daily walk. Fresh air and a bit of movement can do wonders for lifting your mood and giving you a bit more energy. 

Also, eat nutritious meals and make sure you get enough rest too. When you're eating well and sleeping enough, you're giving your body the tools it needs to stay strong. And when your body feels stronger, it can help you feel more capable of handling all the emotional ups and downs that come with grief.

7. Allow Yourself to Grieve

Grief is a personal journey, and there's no right or wrong way to go through it. It's important to allow yourself to feel everything you're feeling. Maybe some days you're sad; other days you might feel angry; and sometimes you might even feel a sense of relief. All these emotions are normal, and it's okay to feel them. 

Under no circumstances should you judge yourself for having a tough day; it’s all part of the healing process. So, be gentle with yourself and understand that it's perfectly okay to have days when you don’t feel strong. You must understand that healing is a journey, and it takes time. Allow yourself that time, and know that it's okay to lean on others for support when you need it.

One of the most significant losses a person may go through is losing a spouse, and the loneliness that follows can be unbearable. But keep in mind that you are not traveling alone. 

Important stages towards healing include relying on your faith, being involved in your church community, establishing new habits, asking for help, thinking back on pleasant memories, taking care of your physical health, and allowing yourself to grieve.

Hold on to the comforting promise from the Bible in Isaiah 41:10 that says, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee; be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." God is with you every step of the way, offering strength and comfort. Be kind to yourself, take each day as it comes, and ask for help when you need it.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Marjan Apostolovic

Emmanuel Abimbola headshotEmmanuel Abimbola is a creative freelance writer, blogger, and web designer. He is a devout Christian with an uncompromising faith who hails from Ondo State in Nigeria, West Africa. As a lover of kids, Emmanuel runs a small elementary school in Arigidi, Nigeria.