What kind of friends do we have? ... Are we positive they will hold our hands when our lives are in shambles and walk with us until we can do so on our own again?
If you go through your social media connections, how many people do you really know? Ten percent? Fifty percent? All? It’s already been proven by research that we have taken the meaning of “friendships” out of context. And with the increase of loneliness despite thousands of connections, we know that we are not building true friendships.
But even outside of social media, we misinterpret friendships. Watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—one of my guilty pleasures—is a classic example. The women hang out, party, and go on vacations together. Yet, they start peeling away at their conversations to backstab and trash-talk one another. Sometimes, they even like to confront one another publicly either for an admission of the truth or a lie. Shouldn’t friends speak privately first—and without badgering—to chat about serious matters or concerns?
Here’s one encounter between Kyle and Sutton. Sutton confronts Kyle with these words: “There’s something wrong with your life. You’re not drinking. Why? Is there a problem? Did you drink too much?” While still reeling from Sutton’s harsh words, Kyle admitted that she felt depressed after drinking in the past. So, she committed herself to lifestyle changes including exercise and refraining from alcohol. But Kyle’s response wasn’t acceptable to Sutton. It was still suspect to Sutton, so she talked about the non-drinking situation of Kyle to their other friends, making it an issue. Should a true friend be upset if you stop drinking? Shouldn’t a friend celebrate and give you a high five as you focus on your health journey?
David and Jonathan
Enough about the housewives’ world! Let’s explore the famous friendship of David and Jonathan from 1 Samuel. Here we read of David and Jonathan’s encounter following David defeating Goliath. King Saul was getting to know David, and Jonathan was there. “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Samuel 18:1). Surprisingly, the instant connection came from Jonathan, who could have been jealous of David’s victory. Instead, when Saul decided to have David stay in their home, “Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt” (vv. 3-4).
Have you ever “clicked” with someone you just met? It’s like you have known this person all your life and have a deep understanding of each other! Perhaps you like the same movie or the same author or the same food—same interests that it’s weird. Whatever it is, you are just drawn to each other.
Their Friendship at the Next Level
Well, Jonathan took this instant connection to the next level. Short of making a blood compact, he decided to seal the friendship with David by honoring him with his robe. As the son of a king, Jonathan’s robe meant he was giving David a privileged rank. David was no longer just a shepherd meant only for the fields. He has been promoted to nobility, to sit at the king’s table. Remember the time when Joseph became the vizier of the pharaoh: “the king removed from his finger the ring engraved with the royal seal and put it on Joseph’s finger. He put a fine linen robe on him, and placed a gold chain around his neck” (Genesis 41:42).
Second, King Saul dressed David in his own armor before he fought Goliath. But David didn’t feel comfortable wearing it, saying, “I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them” (1 Samuel 17:39). So, when David faced Goliath, he was donned only in his normal clothes, not wearing armor nor a helmet nor a coat of steel. David even replaced the sword with his usual staff, the one he carried while taking care of the sheep. Jonathan, a military man himself, dressed David with his own battle-worn combat utilities as part of their covenant. They became comrades-in-arms, military brothers.
This beautiful picture of armor dressing was also vividly drawn for us by the Apostle Paul. He began with, “Finally, build up your strength in union with the Lord and by means of his mighty power. Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil’s evil tricks” (Ephesians 6:10-11). Did you notice the passage first mentioned “in union with the Lord” before “put on all the armor that God gives you”? God is asking, “Are you one with me?” And if our answer is “Yes!”, then it’s game time! Dress yourself in full gear! (You can read Ephesians 6:14-17 to learn about the full armor of God.)
Their Friendship Tested
This unity, the friendship, between David and Jonathan will be tested by King Saul, when the king sought to kill David out of jealousy for all David’s victory. Jonathan should have been jealous of David’s winning streak for he was also in the king’s army. But he wasn’t. Instead, Jonathan delivered the warning to David: “Saul my father seeks to kill you. Therefore, be on your guard in the morning. Stay in a secret place and hide yourself. And I will go and stand beside my father in the field where you are, and I will speak to my father about you. And if I learn anything I will tell you” (1 Samuel 19:2-3). Jonathan didn’t throw David under the bus but kept his word to protect David from the evil plan of his own father!
How many times have we been caught forgetting ourselves from gossiping about our own friends, even the first to throw fiery darts? How could we not stop ourselves from saying mean things, like “I can’t believe that ______ looks so old and haggard!” or “Do you know that ______ just told me that ____ and her husband are on the brink of divorce?”, to others? Do we realize that we are excited to relay juicy tidbits to others? Yet we, the trusted ones, intentionally betray private conversations. Sadly, the ones we share the gossip with become powerless to stop us from malicious talks because they, too enjoy, hearing the news and adding fodder to the gossip.
What kind of friends do we have? Are they worth keeping around because they truly care about us? Are we positive they will hold our hands when our lives are in shambles and walk with us until we can do so on our own again? Will they have our backs when someone starts talking and digging up dirt about us, saying “No! This is not right!”? If so, we are blessed! Ask yourself if your friends are blessed to have you as well.
“Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers,” says Proverbs 18:24. True friendships offer loyalty and support, just like what the Bible described as “knit to the soul.” They are rare to find, so treasure them!
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/MangoStar_Studio
Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!
