It began as a misunderstanding. He was tired. You were too. Then an exchange of words ensued. You hurt his ego. He hurt your feelings and in the midst of this heated disagreement something felt eerily familiar. It wasn’t the first time you uttered that phrase. You heard him say those exact words in your last argument. Somehow it seemed as if you had had this conversation before.
Although the exchanges began for different reasons, they all ended up at the same place: landing somewhere between unhealed hurts and unresolved conflict. Thus, you found yourself unintentionally having the same marital battle again. Have you been there? Are you there now?
The idea of marriage God presented in Genesis 2:24 illustrates a beautiful depiction of the intimacy between a man and a woman. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” This is the desired ideal many of us swooned over as young girls. We wanted the happily ever after fairytale. For some of us, however, once we said “I do,” we ended up exchanging our desired ideal for an unwanted reality, forcing us to realize “becoming one” takes work.
This is not to say that what God designed for marriage is unattainable. It is; however, getting there will require more than wishful thinking, especially if we find ourselves habitually having the same argument.
If this is the case, the question becomes how can we reverse this toxic cycle in marriage? How can we end negative habits of communication and replace them with behaviors that will propel our marriages forward? If you are asking these and other questions, read below for a few of the lessons I’ve learned that have helped me to develop healthier communication in marriage.
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