One of the greatest titles I’ll ever wear is the title ‘wife,’ and the other (one day, God-willing) will be the title of “mom.” Most of us grow up dreaming about being married. For many of us, being married and finding a husband is the fairy tale we feel will finally complete us. Please hear this truth ladies: a husband is a gift, and that’s just it… a GIFT, not your completion.
It took me time to understand this truth. I came to realize no human being is ever capable nor designed to complete my every need and make me whole. God gently reminded me that my husband’s job is NOT to complete me, but rather that’s the job of the Lord.
We are, however, given responsibilities as a husband and wife. God calls a husband to “love your wife” (Ephesians 5:25-33) and lead the home as “head of the household.” Just as we are called as wives to “respect your husband” and to “submit to him.” But nowhere does the Bible say we are to complete each other. In fact, Isaiah 54:5 says “your Maker is your husband.” What a great reminder, that although we have a responsibility as a spouse, we don’t have to wait on someone else to have a purposeful, meaningful life. We have a Maker who satisfies us more than any human being or perfect husband ever could.
With the understanding that we do not complete our spouse, and vice versa, we can begin to talk about what it means to make good resolutions in your marriage. I proudly wear my title of wife, and it’s truly a gift from the Lord to have been given a husband. This is the reason we should be giving our greatest effort and investment into our married life. Starting a new year is the perfect time to reflect and make some resolutions.
Here are 7 resolutions to make for your married life this year:
1. Redirect Your Focus
When it comes to your spouse, their decisions and actions or reactions are out of your control. One thing that is in your control, however, is your FOCUS. Often in marriage, we get caught up in a situation, a fight, annoyances, or triggered by fears. We allow it to consume us and distract us. Redirect your focus back on God. Typically, when you take your focus off God, is when things start to feel unsettling.
Let’s take Peter walking on water as an example. Jesus calls out to Peter in the distance saying “come (walk on water)” (Matthew 14:29). Peter steps out and begins walking on water keeping his eyes gazed on Jesus. Then shortly after Peter began walking on water, “he saw the wind was boisterous, and was afraid, and began sinking”. (Matthew 14:30). What caused him to start sinking? When he took his focus off of Jesus, and onto the wind around him.
In marriage, there are going to be distractions and storms all around us. Some will be temporary, while others for a long-suffering season. Scripture teaches us in Hebrews 12:2 to “fix our eyes on Jesus”. God knows what your marriage needs. Let’s never lose sight of our Maker during our marriage as we “seek first the Kingdom of God” (Matthew 6:31) When you are going through a tough storm, redirect your focus, and keep your eyes on Him.
2. Learn to wrestle well
God has taught me a very simple, yet profound truth about communicating with my husband recently. And that is: to wrestle with God first, and not with man. This does not mean that you can’t communicate what’s on your heart or your mind, but I’ve learned to FIRST wrestle it out with God.
Venting to Him, praying to Him, complaining to Him, sometimes crying to Him. I’ve learned to wrestle my feelings with God pouring out my heart to Him asking for His guidance and infinite wisdom on how to approach the situation. And friends, let me just say, that more often times than not, God does a work right then and there with me diffusing the situation in my heart. I’m able to leave any offenses right there at the feet of Jesus. It’s wrestled with AND settled with God.
Because remember that “our struggle is not against flesh or blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12). So, wrestle it out with God first as He is the greatest leader in this fighting battle.
Image Credit: ©Getty/ridofranz
3. Forgive and Walk in Freedom
Take some time to take inventory of what hurts you are still harboring against your spouse and have not yet forgiven. Unforgiveness can easily turn into resentment that quickly turns into bitterness. More importantly, forgiving your spouse allows you to experience freedom. When a root of bitterness springs up, it destroys one’s inner peace giving you the opposite of walking in freedom.
Forgiveness can be hard. But God calls us to forgive and to be a servant. Allow the Lord in His timing to convict your spouse for their wrongdoing while you seek forgiveness. In turn, it will free you to then receive God’s forgiveness as the Lord tells us to “forgive others just a God forgave you”. (Ephesians 4:32)
If you are struggling with a specific event to forgive, I encourage you to pray daily about it. Ask the Holy Spirit to soften your heart towards your spouse and situation. And then begin to replace that bitterness with love. God can heal any situation and teach you how to forgive. It may take time, but forgiveness is your step to walking in a freedom-filled marriage.
4. Communicate Appreciation
So many people feel underappreciated because their spouse doesn’t take the take to communicate appreciation for them and what they do. When is the last time you have thanked your husband? Let’s take the time to honor our husbands this year more often. Thank him for choosing you as his bride. Thank him for going to work and providing. Thank him for his commitment to you. Thank him for being a great father. Thank him for the safety and security he provides you every day. Thank him for walking the dog. Thank him for doing the dishes or putting you first in major decisions. Whatever it is, don’t let another year go by without telling your spouse how much you appreciate them. Commit to communicate appreciation in your everyday.
Image Credit: ©Unsplash/Gus Moretta
5. Get Rid of Anything That Doesn’t Nurture or Nourish You
A few years ago, I hired a nutritionist to help me reach some personal goals. The first advice she gave me was this: if it doesn’t nurture or nourish you, cut it out from your life. She wasn’t just referring to food, but she meant ANYTHING that doesn’t nurture or nourish your life in anyway.
Is there something in your life that isn’t nurturing or nourishing your marriage?
Perhaps it’s a girlfriend who always talks negatively about her husband, so you find yourself doing the same. Is this friendship nurturing or nourishing your marriage?
Or perhaps you are spending a lot of your time on social media seeing other couples post amazing vacations and their seemingly amazing relationship leaving you feeling like you’re missing out. Is this social media site nurturing or nourishing your marriage?
Take a look at your marriage and ask yourself if there is anything in your life that is not nurturing or nourishing your marriage and get rid of it. Just as 1 Peter 2:1 encourages us to “GET RID and BE DONE with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and slander of every kind.”
6. Think Before You Speak
I love talking. One of the reasons I love to write, is it’s my way of talking on paper. I often tend to speak out words long before I think about what I’m actually saying. All throughout the Bible, there are Scriptures that discuss speaking and our words. God must have known this was something (especially us women) would struggle with. One Scripture that stands out to me is Proverbs 10:19 – “In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking, but he who refrains is lips is wise.”
Simply put: one who speaks a multitude of words, sin appears. One who refrains from a multitude of words, is wise. Ouch. How many times has your mouth got you in trouble in your marriage by speaking before you think? If my husband is reading this, you’re a champion for dealing with my love of talking and many words. As we often joke, my husband has been forced to talk more in the past few years of knowing me than he has in his entire life before me.
I want to be a woman of wisdom this year. God has called us as wives to have a “gentle and quiet spirit…as a gentle, patient tongue is like water to a flame. (1 Peter 3:4) Let’s not let our tongues create fires in our marriage this year as we begin to think before we speak.
7. Don’t Let Fun Go Out of Style
Last, but not least, don’t let this year go by without having fun. It’s so easy to get caught up in the mundane tasks and routine of life that we forget that this life is short, and it’s meant to be enjoyed. Create some space this year to have some shoulder to shoulder time with your spouse creating some fun in your marriage. Some ideas include:
- Cultivate a new hobby or workout together
- Set monthly challenges together such as no coffee or sugar for a month
- Get a puzzle to work on together at night when the kids go to bed
- Explore a new part of town, you’ve both never been to before
- Plan a unique date night that is out of both your comfort zones
So, let’s remember this year – that our husband is a gift and he should be treated like a gift and not take the place of our Maker. Let’s purposefully take the steps necessary to apply these resolutions to our marriage and wear our title of a wife proudly for this year – 2020!
Image Credit: ©Getty/simonapilolla
Originally published Thursday, 31 December 2020.
