Can sex be both hot and holy? Is being a red-hot lover part of your identity? Becoming a fantastic lover requires passion for God and for your spouse. Passion is your passport into the land of love—vibrant, lively, rousing love. You can be filled with passion for God and for your mate, hearts overflowing toward both. Your heart can beat in sync with the very heartbeat of heaven. Loving God. Loving others. Passionately.
There is a sense of risk you feel when pursuing God with all your heart, mind, and strength. Always playing it safe is the direct path to relational mediocrity. You do not want a mediocre love relationship with God, nor do you want this with your mate. God designed men and women to passionately come together in marriage, experiencing intimacy beyond that of any other human relationship. Yes, there is risk in loving one another. Embracing the passions God has placed within you will always involve risk. But there is no safer place to be.
1. Risk being vulnerable.
Be naked and unashamed (Genesis 2:25) with both God and your partner in marriage, exposing your inner self as well as revealing your uncovered skin. Share the deepest of your inner thoughts with the one you love. Allow your mate to know you as you really are. Remove the masks. Break down the facades. Simply be yourself. It is exhausting to pretend to be someone other than who you truly are.
2. Risk sharing your emotions.
You must not be ruled by your emotions, but let your partner know when you are joyful, pleased, and content. And yes, at times be honest by sharingthat you feel anxious, lonely, or sad. Jesus was free in expressing His emotions. He wept in front of others when Lazarus died (John 11:35) and was justifiably angry with the money changers in the temple (Matthew 21:12).Emotions become life giving when shared wisely with the one you love.
3. Risk being free with your body.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), a delight to your lifelong lover. Your body was created to bring both you and your spouse great pleasure in lovemaking. Freely enjoying one another by using all five senses—touching, tasting, seeing, smelling, hearing—will enhance your sex play.
Every husband and wife has a passionate need for love. Note that this is a need, not just a desire. We long to be loved by another. We yearn to express love and have it fully received. God created marriage to be a place where we can live in contentment, the passions within us carrying out His good plan.
All night long on my bed
I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him…
Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go….
(Song of Solomon 3:1, 4)
Note that in this passage it is the woman who is doing the chasing and the catching. It is also she who commits to holding on. Though husbands and wives have different ways of pursuing sexual relations, each plays an equally important role in keeping the flame of desire brightly burning.
In reading Song of Solomon it is clear that both the husband and the wife were red-hot lovers. Might you and your spouse make love as they did, reclining in privacy on the green grass under a fir tree (Song of Solomon 1:16-17)? Have you hungrily described your mate’s body using figurative phrases? Your marriage can grow in ardor through the reading of this romantic portion of Scripture.
4. Risk being an extravagant lover.
Be creative as you share the marvelous sensations of sexual intimacy. Enjoy them to the fullest! Your marriage bed need never be dull or routine. Yes, you can be adventurous while still being holy.
Both men and women crave to pursue and be pursued with passion. And both truly want to be caught. Passionately pursue your mate in a way that he or she can receive your advances and not be repulsed by them. Hold on for dear life, never letting go of the love God has given the two of you to share.
Courtship never goes out of style in a marriage that is vibrantly alive. Let the world know you are in love with your spouse for a lifetime. Hold hands, hug, and even sweetly kiss one another in front of others. Is your love so visible that all your neighbors know it is deep and real? Individuals everywhere need to see that love is not just the stuff of fairy tales. They desperately want to see married couples living happily ever after. Your hot and holy marriage will shine brightly, giving hope to a love-starved world.
This article includes thoughts adapted from Lovemaking: 10 Secrets to Extravagant Intimacy in Marriage, and 7 Secrets of a Supernatural Marriage: The Joy of Spirit-Led Intimacy by Dr. Dan & Linda Wilson. You can follow them at www.supernaturalmarriage.org and www.facebook.com/supernaturalmarriage. Used with permission.