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10 Kinds of Friends Every Woman Needs

  • Brenda Rodgers
10 Kinds of Friends Every Woman Needs

C.S. Lewis wrote, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

Friendship does give value to survival. Friendship gives us emotional and spiritual support in ways that other relationships do not, and friendship helps us live instead of just exist. It would be hard for me to survive without my friends.

Here are 10 kinds of friends every woman needs. Even though we won't find this list wrapped up in one person, to have different friends with these qualities is a treasure.

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1. A Friend Who Truly Prays for You

We're probably all guilty of saying, "I'll pray for you," and then not doing it. But the prayers of our friends have great power and they help to heal us (James 5:16). We all need friends who genuinely offer petitions to God on our behalf, and then tell us they're praying for us. I don't know about you, but sometimes I wonder, "Is anyone praying for me?" We need friends who remind us they're praying for us.

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2. A Friend Who Remembers the Details of Your Life

Do you know the type of friend who when you're in their presence you feel like you're their first priority? The friend who remembers to ask about your recent illness, your child's latest struggle, or how your husband is doing? We all need a friend like this. These friends make us feel heard and well cared for. They display Philippians 2:3 which says, "count others more significant than yourselves."

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3. A Friend Who Helps without Being Asked

I have a sweet friend who does this so well. We used to live in neighborhoods next to each other, and I would often receive a text message from her saying, "My recipe for dinner made extras! I'm going to stop by and bring them to you." One time my baby fell down our steep stairs. I called her first, frantic, because I didn't know what to do. She was on her way immediately and took my oldest daughter to school that morning while I took the baby to the doctor.

We all need a friend who faithfully serves her friends well and does so without being asked. Sometimes when we say, "How can I help you?" or "Let me know how I can help you," it falls on deaf ears because the person doesn't know what kind of help she needs or she feels uncomfortable asking for help. Instead of asking, just do it. Just bring the meal, run the errand, or show up to fold the laundry.

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4. A Friend Who Points You to Jesus

I am blessed with a best friend who I met in the third grade and we still talk almost every day, 34 years later. In some ways, she knows me better than my husband does because she's been with me since the beginning, through all the angst of adolescence and college and days as a single woman. She's the person I confide in deeply, and she can discern my motives well.

But instead of starting off with advice, my friend consistently points me to Jesus. She encourages me often to wake up and pray first in the morning. She helps me to see situations from Jesus' point of view and not my own. And she helps me to think counter-culturally. There is no better gift we can give our friends than this.

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5. A Friend Who Isn't Afraid to Say Hard Things

I'll be honest, I wish I had more of these friends in my life. Sometimes I need my friends to say what they're thinking instead of what I want to hear. This is how we accomplish Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another."

I believe being able to say hard things in love is a developed skill, and we are blessed when we have a friend who does this well.

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6. A Friend Who Is Your Cheerleader

I thought friendship would get easier as I got older when in reality it is just as hard. I often ask myself why friendship is so hard at this stage in life. I think there are several reasons, but one I see often is that we are jealous of each other and therefore can't cheer each other on in our individual pursuits.

Social media gets blamed for most of this, and rightfully so. We see all our friends' accolades and wish we had them too. We're jealous of our friends' callings, ministries, popularity, hobbies, marriages, homes, or children, and the list goes on. This prevents us from encouraging our friends with genuineness.

We need a friend who celebrates us even when our blessings or endeavors look differently than theirs.

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7. A Friend Who Mourns with You as If It's Her Loss

What would we do without a friend who cries with us? Galatians 6:2 tells us to, "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." The law of Christ is to love God and love others. When we bear each other's burdens, we're showing true love. There is no greater friend than one who mourns with us. 

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8. A Friend Who Calls You

Recently I met a new friend. One day the phone rang and her number popped up on my screen. She wasn't texting me, she was calling me. It caught me off guard because I'm not used to talking to friends on the phone anymore. When I answered she explained that she doesn't like to text so she just called.

I love having a friend who calls me. Like I said, it took some getting used to at first. But it's much more personal when I can hear a friend's voice. I've been challenged to be a friend who sometimes calls her friends instead of just texting them.

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9. A Friend Who is Vulnerable

Have you ever been in a friendship where you feel like you lay your heart on the table often, but it's not reciprocated? Your friend knows everything about you, but you know very little about her. These friendships frustrate me because they never get to a heart level of true friendship. Everyone wants to hear "me too" from their friends. Being vulnerable helps us grow because we learn from each other, and we don't feel alone. There are no pretensions when we're vulnerable.

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10. A Friend Who You Make Good Memories With

Finally, we need a friend who is fun to be around. Life moments are more significant when you get to share them with a special friend. We all need friends who celebrate our birthdays with us, come to our kids' parties, share meals with us, and even travel with us.

Even though we will not find all of these qualities in one friend, we are blessed to find them in several. And an even greater blessing is to be these types of friends for others. As you look at this list, try to identify a friend in your life for each one. Then, think about which of these fits your personality best and strive to be that kind of friend for someone else.

Brenda Rodgers considers herself a “recovering single” after years as a single woman chasing after marriage instead of chasing after Jesus. Now her passion is to mentor young women to live purposefully and grow in their relationship with God and others. Brenda has been married for five years to a heart transplant hero and is the mom of a toddler girl miracle. She is also the author of the eBook Fall for Him: 25 Challenges from a Recovering Single. You can also read more on Brenda’s blog, www.TripleBraidedLife.com and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

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