Dealing with regret cannot be done apart from trusting Jesus with your feelings of guilt, shame, and failure.
Regret is something that most of us have struggled with at some point in our lives. Personally, I have experienced regret over many things. A major time when I experienced regret was after the death of our family dog and after the death of my mother. Both of these events happened within eight months of each other and deeply affected my entire family. In addition to grief, I also experienced much regret. I played the “what if” game in my head and thought that if I had done something different, maybe I could have prevented their deaths.
In hindsight now, I can see that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the death of our family dog or my mom. Even if I could turn the clock back, the same outcome would have resulted. Our family dog became sick with cancer, and there was no way to avoid this. In the same way, my mother struggled with heart disease, and there wasn’t a way to prevent her impending death. I share all of this not to seek pity, but rather to help you know that you are not alone.
Regret comes in many forms, but it never does us any good. The Lord does not want us to live a life of regret. Instead, He wants us to live life to the fullest. He wants us to love others, help others come to know Him, and disciple them in accordance with the Bible. No matter what you are feeling regret over today, know that you do not need to allow regret to fill your heart for the rest of your life. You can heal from regret and move forward.
Abandoning the Idea, “I Could Have Done Something Different”
If you deal with regret, you are familiar with the thought, “I could have done something different.” If I had a penny for every time I said this, I would be very wealthy. The thing is that most of us who face regret have this thought come to mind at least once a day. This thought alone can be exhausting, draining, and anxiety-provoking. Instead of allowing yourself to go to these types of thoughts, it is important to change the narrative.
Rather than saying, “I could have done something different,” tell yourself that you did your best. Extend grace and mercy to yourself. It does you no good to berate yourself. The truth of the matter is that there is nothing that you could have done to change the outcome. I spoke a little bit earlier about how I regretted that I didn’t do something different to prevent my dog's or my mom’s death. When I look back on the situation now, I see that the outcome wasn't in my hands.
It is the same for you. Maybe you are feeling regret over a loved one passing away, or maybe you are feeling regret over the ending of a relationship, a fight you had with a friend, or being let go from the company you have worked at for years. All of these things can cause us to think that if we did something slightly different, we could have prevented the tragic outcome. This type of thought is not healthy and will only cause you to spiral. Change the narrative and replace all of the “what if” scenarios by saying the truth that you did all you could to help the situation.
But what if you know you did something wrong, something that certainly changed how someone perceived you or how something panned out? You must recognize that God's sovereignty, mercy, and grace sustain you, even amid your shortcomings. If God allowed our sins to control the final outcome of our lives, then we would all be doomed, yet God is a God of goodness and salvation. His desire isn't for us to live in self-loathing, but to repent of our sins, forgive ourselves, and trust that His goodness will heal a bad situation for His glory.
Trusting the Lord with Feelings of Regret
Dealing with regret cannot be done apart from trusting Jesus with your feelings of guilt, shame, and failure. As mentioned, I felt regret after the passing of my dog and my mom. After many years, I was able to trust God with these feelings, and He has helped me greatly with the pain. Although my dog and my mom passed, it is not my fault. It is hard not to carry guilt and shame in these situations, but it is something we have to stop doing to move forward into the abundant life God has for us.
Trust the Lord with these feelings of regret and allow Him to carry this burden for you. Regret is something that will cause us to always look back, and we will never be able to move forward. Don’t live in the past anymore. Choose to trust the Lord and allow Him to hold space for your feelings of regret. By giving these feelings over to God, He will help you process them, and He can give you peace.
Knowing That You Did Your Best
Lastly, it is also important to remember that to deal with regret and move forward, you have to remind yourself that if you did your best, that is more than enough. Especially in the matter of a loved one passing away, know that there was nothing you could do to save them. We play scenarios over and over again in our heads, but none of them would have happened.
Everything that happened did not take God by surprise, and He knows how to use all situations, even the bad ones, for good. Maybe you failed a big exam, didn’t get into the university you wanted, or you had to take a temporary job when you needed a full-time position. Know that you tried your best, and God sees this. He sees all of your hard work and the energy you put into these things. Things work out in accordance with God’s will—even bad things.
The Apostle Paul tells us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). As Paul says in this passage, God works all things out for our good, and this includes bad things. In other words, things that cause us regrets. Even these terrible things God can work out for our good. Try to remember this when you are dealing with regret. The Lord loves you, and He can help you move past the regret.
Give Yourself Grace
Give yourself grace and be kind to yourself. Don’t allow yourself to get swallowed up in regret. Instead, place these feelings in God's hands, and don't try to play the “what if” game. Do your best to learn from past mistakes, extend grace to yourself, and give all this pain over to God. By letting go of regret and moving on, your quality of life will be much better, and you will further understand the unyielding, all-powerful mercy, grace, and forgiveness of Christ.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fcscafeine
