The abundant life Jesus died for me to have doesn’t allow me to be a prisoner to my own fears, traumas, or people
Due to living in a sinful world, many of us go through traumatic events. While some individuals downplay certain traumas, all traumas are valid. If something has deeply affected you and changed the way you see the world, it is a traumatic event for you. Nobody can tell you what is traumatic and what is not.
I recently had to stop going to therapy for this very reason. My therapist was not sympathetic or understanding of my feelings. She would categorize my trauma into “big T traumas” and “little t traumas.” The former were the “legit” traumas, and the latter were things I was simply holding on to that didn't mean much to her. As you can imagine, this caused me to feel invalidated, and, ultimately, it encouraged me to leave her practice.
This often happens with therapists, which is why I want to discuss trauma from a Christian perspective.
Facing Trauma
Over the course of my life, I have experienced much trauma. From experiencing an eating disorder to watching my mom pass away to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, life hasn't been what I had hoped for. But I have survived, and I keep going by the grace of the Lord, and so do you. There are many other traumatic things that have happened in my life due to living in an unsafe city. I have seen robberies, people get shot, and have had to run for my life.
Moreover, there have been unruly teens who have tried to run me over, beat me up, and chase me. There has been a scary man who followed me and made me never feel safe, even at home. All of these things have been traumatizing, and there have been periods of my life when I didn't leave my house. I stay at home because, at least inside, I won't have to face any of these scary situations.
Despite how terrifying these events were for me, my therapist downplayed them immensely. She believes everyone in this world is good and that we just need to give others the benefit of the doubt. “The benefit of the doubt”—this is something my dad used to always say before he hired the most shady person I had seen in my life to either do a repair on our house, mow the grass, or do some other kind of handiwork.
Each time my dad gave someone the benefit of the doubt, someone would break into our house, leave with his money before doing the job, or make my sisters and me feel unsafe. Therefore, I do not believe in naively trusting people. We should love all people, but that doesn't mean everyone should be trusted.
I believe that as females, we have to be more untrustworthy of others for obvious reasons. This is why I think my dad cannot pick up on shady people. As women, we have to be hyper alert because we might have to pay for our obliviousness. We don’t have the luxury to make mistakes, which is why some might think we are too cautious. However, I have found it helps to be alert and aware of your surroundings because it can help prevent future traumas from developing.
Don't Let Anyone Downplay Your Pain
As I mentioned earlier, my therapist downplayed my trauma in many ways. Sadly, she was not the only one. I have known many people who try to compare their pain to mine. Why they do this, I don’t know, but what I do know is that it isn’t appreciated. If I disclose something vulnerable, such as a trauma to someone, they shouldn’t reply, “Oh, I’ve been through much worse,” and then proceed to give an example of something that happened to them.
This isn’t a contest. Rather, it is me being brave enough to open up to somebody and tell them what happened. Once a person downplays my pain or tries to “outdo” my trauma, I stop telling them anything about my life. I’ve learned enough from my life that these individuals do not deserve my time, energy, or vulnerability. If you have had the same thing happen to you, don’t feel guilty for walking away and maintaining your peace.
Expressing Your Pain and Working Through It
Once you have addressed your trauma, you will be able to work through it. While a trained therapist would be great, I understand sometimes this isn’t an option, and some therapists can do more harm than good. If you can find a great therapist you click with, stay with them. However, if you cannot, try to find your own support system in the form of your spouse, family, and friends. They might be able to help you in more ways than you know.
My sister has been a main source of support throughout all of my traumas. Most of the trauma I have experienced, she has too. She went through an eating disorder, witnessed my own, went through the death of our family dog and our mom, as well as everything in between. She has been a constant source of support and can be a level head when I am spiraling. Find your person whom you can share your struggles, experiences, and traumas.
God Is Our Greatest Friend
Sometimes we forget our greatest friend, God. We can always go to Him with whatever pain we are experiencing. He doesn’t downplay our pain, nor does He turn a deaf ear to our cries. The Bible tells us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). Take heart in knowing the Lord is with you and He is wrapping you in His grace.
His comfort will wash over you, and you will be able to work through this trauma. In truth, I have only been able to work through my own traumas and come out on the other side because of the Lord. If it wasn’t for Him, I would have probably become a recluse and never lived my life again. I would hide behind the four walls of my house and never try anything new.
The abundant life Jesus died for me to have doesn’t allow me to be a prisoner to my own fears, traumas, or people. The life the Lord has given me is beautiful, and nobody has the right to take that away from me, and nobody has the right to take that away from you either. Trauma can do many things to us, but never allow it to question your self-worth, your own bravery, or your own strength. God loves you. He will equip you with everything you need to go through this life, and you will be blessed with the strength to take hold of the promises that are yours in Christ.
