The Ring
Patsy Kuipers, Guest Writer
TODAY’S TREASURE
Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal (Matthew 6:20).
So many unpleasant, unfamiliar decisions accompany the sudden death of a beloved spouse. The first few days after my husband Ray’s passing found me shrouded in a protective state of shock, barely able to think, yet having to make one difficult choice after another – dates, places, and times of visitation, funeral, burial, and the details of each. My mind would churn and churn and finally spit out an answer, only to go numb again until being summoned for another round of decisions.
The initial weeks of incredulity passed, and the realization Ray wasn’t coming back sank deeper into my soul, leaving me with new, every-bit-as-difficult questions: How long should I keep his clothes? What should I do with his other things? Is there a proper time to stop wearing my wedding ring? (My engagement ring and wedding band were soldered together, so “my ring” refers to both.)
I reluctantly removed my ring about six months after Ray died, didn’t like the look or feel of my naked finger, put it back on, then went through the sequence again. When I sought to retrieve my ring the second time, there was only an empty slot glaring accusingly. Regret overtook me. Why, oh why, had I taken my ring off?
The knot in my stomach grew as a sickening realization seized me: I hadn’t monitored the movements of the HVAC technician the day before. I naively trusted him to service my furnaces and leave my things alone.
I reported my suspicions to his company and doggedly trailed the next tech they sent. He confirmed his associate hadn’t performed the service. Instead, he’d spent the time rummaging through my belongings. The ensuing police investigation revealed he’d pawned my ring before I even knew it was missing.
The business owner’s offer to replace my ring provided minor relief in the wake of losing such an important part of my history with Ray. Nonetheless, I located the original receipts and contacted the jewelry store. I was further heartened to learn they still carried bands by the jewelry designer and had a diamond of similar size and quality in stock. A week or so later, I received my new rings, soldered together and engraved “RNK to PLT, 8-5-83,” just like the first ones.
Bittersweet tears filled my eyes as gratitude for having my precious rings recreated and returned to me mingled with profound sorrow. Even though it took a little time and money, I was able to replace them. Yet I knew if I sold all my possessions and scraped together every cent of the proceeds, I could never pay anyone enough to get Ray back.
LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT
Reverend Bob Auffarth pastored the church we attended in Delaware. He would occasionally comment, “I’ve never seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul,” as he reminded us of the temporal nature of material wealth. His words became intensely personal the evening of April 19, 1997, when my young daughters and I received the unimaginable news Ray had suffered a sudden, fatal heart attack. As we prepared to leave the hospital, the family care representative handed me a small plastic bag containing the contents of Ray’s pockets – his wallet, checkbook, Chapstick, and a few coins. Pastor Auffarth’s words came rushing back to me. Ray hadn’t taken even a penny with him.
But words from friends, family, and work associates, in sympathy cards and in person, confirmed what I knew: Ray was a kind man who exhibited the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). Though his earthly life was brief, he stored up much heavenly treasure, loving God and loving people.
Scripture is clear on the kind of treasure we’re to store up – the kind that can’t be stolen, the kind that will last for an eternity in heaven, the kind no U-Haul is capable of carrying. (Matthew 6:19-21) A plastic bag, a restored ring, and a fruit-bearing husband serve as my forever reminders.
More free resources for help hope & healing:
Aging with Grace, Flourishing in an Anti-Aging Culture
By Sharon W. Betters and Susan Hunt
Agingwithgrace.online Discover afresh a gospel that is big enough, good enough, and powerful enough to make every season of life significant and glorious. Free Ask an Older Woman videos and much more. Not just for older women!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Patsy Kuipers often refers to herself as “Gardening Grammie,” a title encompassing two of her favorite pastimes. Widowed at age 38, she was blessed to be gainfully employed for all the years she spent raising two daughters on her own. When her job was eliminated several years ago, she returned to school to study horticulture, a passion born of caring for the garden her husband left as part of his legacy. Patsy is Grammie to three young but enthusiastic garden helpers. She enjoys teaching them ABOUT THE AUTHOR: plants and the One who created them. She is a member of Grace Covenant Church in Dallas, GA where she serves on the Women’s Ministry Committee and leads women’s Bible studies. Patsy started her blog, Back 2 the Garden (patsykuipers.com), to tell others of God’s great love and faithfulness. In 2020, she realized a long-time dream when she compiled some of the lessons she’s learned in her garden into a book, “Be Still, Quiet Moments With God in My Garden.”
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Originally published Tuesday, 25 April 2023.
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