Was it Wrong to Marry My Spouse When They Were in Financial Debt?
By: Vivian Bricker
"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law" (Romans 13:8).
A few years ago, I was talking to my married friend and her husband about debt. We had all recently finished college, and they were almost done paying off their college debt. They had both worked hard, and I was proud of them. However, I couldn't escape the fact that I still had a lot of student debt to pay off. I remember feeling embarrassed and ashamed about the amount of student debt I had.
Flash forward to today, and I can now reflect on this story differently. While I am still working to pay off my student debt, this story has created a new memory in my mind. Upon reflecting on marriage and the steps involved in committing to someone else, there is little discussion about finances. While my two friends, who were recently married, felt comfortable discussing debt and finances together, not every couple does.
It should be an easy conversation, yet for many of us, we feel the same way I did all those years ago: embarrassed and ashamed. We think to ourselves, "Why did I take out so many loans? Maybe I should have just gotten a job out of high school?" All of these questions can make us second-guess our decisions. God doesn't want us to do this; He knows it will only cause unneeded problems.
Instead of feeling bad about ourselves, we need to turn to the Lord and find comfort in His peace. Whether we are single or married with debt, we don't need to allow it to reflect poorly on us as individuals. It is not surprising that many young adults are in debt today.
Nonetheless, maybe you are worried about your spouse who is in debt. You are debt-free, but your spouse still has quite a bit of debt. If this is true, know that your spouse is probably trying their best. You know your spouse better than anyone else, which means you know all of their great qualities. Encourage them to continue paying off their debt, but don't hold it against them.
In everything, we need to treat others the way we want to be treated, and your spouse is no exception (Luke 6:31). If you wouldn't want them to think badly of you if you were in debt, don't think badly of them. Choose to be supportive and help in any way you can. Since you got married, you likely now have a joint income. This means that their debt can weigh heavily on you, too.
Rather than allowing anger, hate, and resentment to fill your heart, discuss matters with God and then discuss them with your spouse. As you pray, ask God to help you express what you need to say to your spouse in a way that is encouraging, loving, and supportive. If you are aggressive or mean toward your spouse about their debt, they will likely withdraw or become defensive. Choose to be caring and compassionate over judgmental.
God will help you and direct your steps. Spend time with Him, calm your heart, and lean on Him for strength. Once you have talked matters over with God, bring your concerns to your spouse. Your spouse likely isn't proud of their debt either. Ask them how you can best support them during this time and listen to their answer. Remember that they are your spouse and you love them. Don't allow financial issues to sabotage your marriage.
The Bible tells us, "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law" (Romans 13:8). As Paul tells us here, the only debt we should have is the continuing debt to love one another. This means we need to pay off our financial debts, even if it might take some time. Be patient with your spouse and be an encouragement to them.
If they are continuing to work on their debt, then they are truly following Romans 13:8. Allow Romans 13:8 to help as you navigate any difficult situations, including financial matters. God will equip you with everything you need and your marriage will be stronger on the other side.
Let's Pray:
"Dear God, my spouse and I are in financial struggles due to debt. It worries me, and I don't know what will happen in the future. Please calm all my fears and worries. Help me be an encouragement to my spouse and supportive in any way I can as they prioritize paying off their debt. Help us continue to love one another and focus on doing this each day. In Your Son's Name, I pray, Amen."
What part of today’s devotional spoke to your marriage or walk with God? Join the Crosswalk Couples discussion.
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
Originally published Thursday, 23 October 2025.
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