Real Life Romance When You’re in the Thick of It
By: Rhonda Stoppe
John 15:5: “I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”
After months of pretense, Lori broke over coffee with her mother, Pam. Lori whispered, “I just don’t understand why Carl and I have grown so distant. We used to be so close, and now it feels like we’re falling out of love.”
Pam had seen the signs, but out of respect for Lori’s privacy, she hadn’t pressed for details. Lori thought she was putting on a good show, but Pam had been praying for an opportunity to mentor her daughter.
Pam touched Lori’s hand and compassionately replied, “Honey, I am so sorry you guys are in this season, but I am here to tell you all marriages go through times like this.”
To keep her mom from thinking their marriage was doomed, Lori said, “Carl and I aren’t like that. We have our heads on straight. We love God, and we love each other. We’ve just been too busy, that’s all.”
Pam said, “I know Lori. I’ve seen how busy you’ve become. With the new baby, your careers, and the upkeep of this house, it’s no wonder you’re both treading water.”
Carl and Lori’s story is a familiar one for couples in the midst of a busy life. Most of us go through seasons of overwhelm. Trying to do everything undermines the time couples spend together. And when you’re not connecting emotionally through conversations or physically in the marriage bed, the natural tendency is to drift apart.
Amidst the demands of life, what’s a couple to do? How can you pause long enough to regain the closeness you once enjoyed? I’m glad you asked. Let’s spend a few minutes unpacking some practical ways to rekindle your connection.
1. Prioritize Quality Time. Deliberately schedule times to connect. Date nights are awesome, but sometimes, scheduling a sitter or financial constraints can put too much time in between quality connections. When my husband’s salary was tight, we creatively tried to steal away together. Sometimes, this meant going for evening walks or locking the door to our bedroom while the kids watched a movie in another room. Think outside the box. Whatever it takes to prioritize time together is worth the effort and will help you resist the drift.
2. Practice Intentional Communication. While it’s fun to look at your screens together, pointing out the funny memes, this is not a way to build intentional communication with your spouse. There’s a time and place for this fun interaction, but to rebuild closeness, engage in meaningful conversation by practicing present and active listening. Attempt to make both partners feel heard and valued.
3. Rekindle Physical Affection. Start with an affectionate kiss. Every morning, when I come out of our bedroom, my husband is in his chair drinking coffee. The first thing I do before I grab my own cup-of-joe is give him a meaningful kiss. The kiss usually lasts several seconds. Then I kiss him again and again before I take his cup to the kitchen for a refill. This affectionate gesture has been a part of our morning routine for so many years that I can’t recall when it began. But I do know those morning kisses start our day with closeness. Meaningful kisses and hand-holding are simple ways to foster closeness that reinforces your romantic bonds. And, of course, love making is a vital way to rekindle your affection.
4. Enjoy Shared Interests. Couples drift apart when they forget to rediscover shared interests together. While it’s not wrong to pursue hobbies your spouse doesn’t enjoy, don’t allow your personal pursuits to pull you away from each other. Spending much time with hobby enthusiasts without your spouse can drive a wedge between you. Think back on activities you enjoyed when you were dating. Then, make an effort to engage in some of those activities together. Even if this means you have to be creative and bring your kids along.
5. Express Gratitude. Have you observed a couple who has remained close after decades of marriage? What’s their secret? Often, their relationship is characterized by affirmation and gratitude. 1 Timothy 6:6 says, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” This is most apparent in the bonds of marriage. Whether or not your spouse expresses thankfulness, when you develop a habit of doing so, God sees and honors your grateful heart. Offering thanks when your mate accomplishes a routine chore may seem unnecessary. But just watch and see how your attitude of gratitude draws their heart toward yours.
6. Abide in Christ. Jesus said, “Abide in me…without me you can do nothing.” This concept is true even in marriage. The secret to a close-knit relationship with your spouse lies in how deeply you grow your love for God. Loving Christ first will cause His love to spill out of you and onto your spouse. This type of love is the foundational step toward rebuilding closeness in your relationship.
“Father, You see how the cares of life can drive us apart. Please help us prioritize time with You and with one another. Please rekindle our affection for each other and help our marriage to flourish. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.”
Rhonda Stoppe is a best-selling Christian author of seven books. With 40 years of experience in helping women build no regrets lives, Rhonda has become a highly sought after voice in the Christian living community. She has written hundreds of articles for Crosswalk.com and other popular magazines. Rhonda has appeared on The 700 Club, 100 Huntley Street, Family Life Today, Dobson’s Family Talk, and her interviews at Focus on the Family have been named in their Best Of Episodes 2021 & 2023. “I could have listened to Rhonda talk all night,” is what listeners say. Her speaking platform includes: Homeschool conferences, (MOPs) MomCo, MomCon, Legacy Grandparenting Summit and more. She is the host of the award-winning podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. Rhonda has over 40 years experience as a pastor’s wife, speaker, mom coach, marriage mentor, mother of four–and did we mention she’s a grandmother of 15! Find out more about Rhonda at NoRegretsWoman.com.
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
Originally published Monday, 16 June 2025.
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