Every year, Valentine’s Day arrives wrapped in red hearts, flowers, and carefully chosen words. Some people look forward to it. Others quietly dread it. For some, it’s a celebration of romance; for others, it’s a reminder of disappointment or loss. But beneath the cards and candy is something more profound — a shared human longing to be loved, chosen, and remembered.
There’s nothing wrong with celebrating love. Love is worth celebrating. But if we let culture define it for us, we may end up chasing a feeling instead of recognizing a commitment. Valentine’s Day doesn’t create our longing for love. It reveals it, and Scripture gives us a steadier definition than emotion alone.
Valentine’s Day often measures love by emotion, how strongly we feel, how warmly we express, and how meaningfully we are affirmed in return. Feelings matter, and they are a real part of how God designed us. But feelings are also fragile and often unpredictable. They rise and fall with circumstances, energy levels, misunderstandings, and unmet expectations. Scripture describes love differently. Again and again, biblical love is defined not primarily by the intensity of emotion but by the willingness to act, to give, and to remain. In other words, love in God’s economy is measured by action and cost. It is something we practice, not just something we feel.
Culture Defines Love by Feelings; God Defines Love by Sacrifice
In everyday conversation, love is usually described first as a feeling. We fall in love, feel loved, drop out of love, or struggle to feel loving toward difficult people. Because of this, it’s easy to assume that love is strongest when emotion is strongest. But the Bible consistently defines love in more durable terms. Scripture depicts love as a choice expressed through action, especially when action is costly. Romans 5:8 tells us that God demonstrates His love not through sentiment, but through sacrifice: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Our worthiness or responsiveness did not drive that act, but by His character and commitment. Biblical love is not measured by how deeply it feels in the moment, but by how faithfully it gives when it would be easier not to.
In real life, feelings can change quickly. A kind word warms us; a careless comment cools us. A thoughtful gesture draws us close; disappointment pulls us back. If love is defined only by how we feel in a given moment, then love becomes as unstable as our moods. Most of us have experienced this tension. It’s a gap between what we feel and how we know we should respond. Scripture speaks directly into that gap. We are commanded to love not only when affection comes easily, but when patience, forgiveness, and endurance are required. That command would make little sense if love were merely an emotion. Commands govern choices and actions. Biblical love responds with restraint during conflict, kindness when irritated, honesty when silence would be easier, and faithfulness when feelings fluctuate.
Scripture goes even further, showing that true love is most clearly revealed when it costs something. Throughout the Bible, love is not portrayed as convenient or effortless, but as self-giving and steady. Jesus defines the measure of love this way: “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends”(John 15:13, ESV). That standard moves love from sentiment into sacrifice. God’s love for us was not expressed through words alone, but through the giving of His Son.
Love, in its most valid form, moves toward need, absorbs loss, and gives without guarantee of return. This doesn’t make love cold or mechanical. It makes it unwavering. Feelings may inspire loving actions, but sacrifice proves them.
Understanding love as action and sacrifice also helps us see Valentine’s Day more clearly. Much of the holiday centers on romantic expression, thoughtful gifts, affectionate words, and symbolic gestures. These things can be meaningful and pleasing. Romance is one beautiful expression of love. But Scripture presents a definition broader and deeper than mere romance. Biblical love is not only about attraction and affection, but it is also about restoration and commitment. It moves toward brokenness, pursues reconciliation, and remains present through weakness and failure. Where romance celebrates connection, covenant sustains it.
Valentine’s Day focuses on Romance; God’s Love Restores relationships.
Romantic love is a gift. Scripture itself celebrates it — the language of delight, pursuit, and affection appears throughout the Bible, especially in covenant imagery between God and His people. Celebration, admiration, and expressed affection are not shallow things; they are human reflections of a relational God. But romance alone is not strong enough to carry love through every season. Feelings of attraction and closeness can draw people together, yet they cannot, by themselves, repair what is broken or sustain a relationship through hardship. Biblical love goes further. Not only does it enjoy connection, but it also actively works to restore it when it fractures.
Throughout Scripture, God’s love is repeatedly shown through His pursuit of restoration. When the relationship is broken by sin, distance, or disobedience, God does not withdraw permanently. He calls His people back. The prophets record this pattern again and again: correction paired with invitation, truth paired with mercy. God confronts what is wrong, not to push His people away, but to bring them home. This is covenant love: love that remains committed to the relationship and works actively to repair it. Restoration requires honesty, forgiveness, patience, and initiative. It is not sustained by romance, but by faithfulness. Where modern expressions of love often prioritize personal fulfillment, biblical love prioritizes a reconciled relationship.
The clearest expression of restoring love is found in Christ Himself. The gospel is not merely a message of affection from God, but an act of reconciliation by God. Scripture says that while we were still separated from Him, Christ acted on our behalf to bring us back into relationship (Romans 5:8–10). This is restorative love in its most whole form. It does not wait for improvement or for demand to be worthy; instead, it initiates rescue. Through the cross, love does the difficult work of repair. Sin is addressed, justice is honored, mercy is extended, and a relationship is made possible again. This is far deeper than romance. It is redemption. God’s definition of love is not simply “I feel warmly toward you,” but “I will make a way to bring you back.”
The Love We Crave on Valentine’s Day Is Ultimately Fulfilled in Christ
Valentine’s Day, for all its commercial packaging, exposes something profoundly true about the human heart: we long to be chosen, cherished, and securely known. We want to be pursued, not tolerated; remembered, not overlooked; delighted in, not merely accepted. These desires are not weaknesses to outgrow — they are signals of how we were designed. Scripture teaches that this deep hunger for steadfast love is ultimately met not in human romance, but in divine relationship. The love people hope to experience in their best earthly relationships finds its fullest and most reliable expression in Christ. His love is unwavering, undeserved, and eternally secure.
Even understanding this truth, I still feel the tension personally. I know that Christ is the fulfillment of perfect love, and at times that assurance settles deeply and feels sufficient. But there are also days when the longing to feel pursued, remembered, and delighted in feels sharp again. Not because I doubt God’s love, but because I still experience my humanity. I have prayed for that desire to disappear, yet I am learning that its persistence is not proof of spiritual failure — it is evidence of relational design. The ache itself points me back to God, reminding me that I was created not just to be loved in theory, but to be known and cherished in an intimate relationship. Instead of condemning the longing, I am learning to let it redirect me.
Seen through this lens, Valentine’s Day can become more than a celebration of romance; it can be a reminder of how we are called to practice love daily. Instead of measuring love only by emotional intensity or grand gestures, we can measure it by faithfulness, sacrifice, and intentional care. Love is shown in keeping promises, telling the truth with kindness, offering forgiveness, and remaining present when it would be easier to withdraw. Small, steady acts of covenant love often carry more weight than dramatic expressions of affection. When we practice love this way, we reflect the character of God, not perfectly, but meaningfully — in our relationships with others.
Valentine’s Day highlights our longing for love, but the cross defines it. God did not prove His love with words alone, but with action and cost. In Christ, we see a love that pursues without being invited, gives without being earned, and remains without wavering. Human love, at its best, is a beautiful echo, but it is not the source. The love we most deeply crave is not seasonal, fragile, or performance-based. It is covenantal, sacrificial, and secure. And it has already been given.
Photo credit: ©Unsplash/Ben White
Vanessa Luu is a wife, mother, and faith-based writer. She speaks and writes to believers to encourage them to live authentically with God.
