Discover the transformative power of surrendering your deepest desires to a higher purpose, even when facing rejection and uncertainty. This personal journey reveals how letting go of personal dreams can pave the way for unexpected blessings and a deeper trust in divine plans.
In the spring of 2018, I faced an ultimatum: surrender to God or keep going my own way. For decades, I'd desired to be in a romantic relationship. I'd cried on my floor, prayed until my knuckles were raw, and pleaded to the Lord over and over again. But my hopes and dreams were diminished year after year, crush after crush. Until the day I finally laid it all down.
"I think the Lord wants you to surrender your relationship status to Him fully," my friend said. Her eyes were hopeful, but her heart was weary. She'd watched me pine away, guy after guy, waiting for someone to like me back. She was always the one to help me pick the broken pieces of my heart up and put them back together. But I knew she was right. If I truly trusted God, I had to surrender it wholly to Him, not just in my head, but in my heart.
On a warm evening in April, that's precisely what I did. I poured out myself before the Lord and wrestled with this defining moment. There was one question I didn't want to face but had to: If God wanted me to be single the rest of my life, I had to be okay with that. I had to trust that He knew best.
Today, I'm thankful God answered those prayers and saw my heart. He knew my desire to be in a relationship, and delivered exactly as He promised. I've now been married to the love of my life for two years. But you know the craziest part? I met him a week after I fully surrendered. I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I share this story to illustrate this:
I've had to surrender repeatedly in many seasons of my life, from jobs to hopes and dreams. This past weekend, my husband mentioned another one.
"Do you feel that your dreams have died?" he asked. Smiling and comforting my arm with a gentle squeeze.
It took me a moment to ponder the question, but the more I did, the more I realized the answer was "yes." In a sense, it's been hard not to feel like my dreams have died. Let me be clear: God has been so faithful this season. Again and again, He's provided and grown me more than I could ever ask, think, or imagine. But this path to becoming a traditionally published author has caused me to grow weary and faint.
Though I have a wonderful agent and support team rooting for me, seventeen rejections, nearly two years later, sting, to be told that your work is incredible, but you're not well-known enough, over and over again, tends to knock down your self-esteem. But then I realized this: Just as I needed to surrender my desires to be in a relationship, I needed to surrender my desires to become a traditionally published author.
Because the reality is this: If God doesn't want me to be traditionally published, I have to be okay with that. I have to trust Him and His timing, knowing He has something better in store. That's a hard truth to come to terms with. But the more I thought about the facts, the more I realized that I want God (and not me) in charge of my life.
Are You Gracefully Broken?
I played the song "Gracefully Broken" that evening as I lifted my hands. Small tears dripped down the corners of my face. Tasha Cobb's words penetrated my soul:
"Here I am, God, arms wide open.
Pouring out my life
Gracefully broken
All to Jesus now (yes)
All to Jesus now
I'm holding nothing back
Holding nothing back
I surrender (I surrender)"
I don't know what things you need to surrender in your life, but I want you to know that whatever you're holding onto is better left in the powerful hands of our God. Relationships, dreams, jobs, you name it, He knows best and has good, precious promises He will fulfill in and through you.
While I wish I could tell you that things will always pan out, like how you pray, dream, or imagine, I can't. I'm not God, and only He knows the trajectory of your life. But I can promise you that they will be good. For your good and His glory (Romans 8:28). I can also promise you that no matter what happens, if you cling to the Savior in wholly surrender, He will fill you in ways other things never can.
What If I’m Scared to Surrender?
I'm still praying, dreaming, hoping, and working towards becoming a traditionally published author. At times, I'm scared to hope. I'm afraid to surrender. Can you relate? Do you feel the same way?
In Jeremiah 38-40, Jeremiah prophesied that Jerusalem would be destroyed. After surviving being thrown into a cistern, the King who put him there calls and asks for advice from the Lord. Jeremiah tells him to surrender to the Babylonians and that he will be saved. Verses 17-18 read this way:
"Then Jeremiah told Zedekiah, “This is what the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: ‘If you surrender to the Babylonian officers, you and your family will live, and the city will not be burned down. But if you refuse to surrender, you will not escape! This city will be handed over to the Babylonians, and they will burn it to the ground" (NLT).
Sadly, King Zedekiah chose his way over the Lord's. Allowing fear of surrender to reign in his life, verse 19 tells us that he feared the unknown: "But I am afraid to surrender,” the king said, “for the Babylonians may hand me over to the Judeans who have defected to them. And who knows what they will do to me" (NLT)!
If you read the rest of the story, King Zedekiah's fate is unfortunate. Two and a half years later, Zedekiah is captured, forced to watch the Babylonians kill his sons, and then gouge his own eyes out as they lead him away as an enslaved person. His inability to surrender cost him his life.
On the other hand, the Lord would rescue those who surrendered and were left as remnants. Though Babylon would take over, God would restore and redeem His people.
Friends, this story is a stark example of what happens when we fully surrender to the Lord. Those who trust in Him may not know the outcome, but we have to trust that it's better and beyond what our human insight offers. Isaiah 55:8-9 is a great prayer and reminder:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" (KJV).
3 Steps to Surrender
If you're struggling to surrender, here are three simple steps I would encourage you to take:
1. Have an honest conversation with the Lord. Take time to journal, pray, and pour it all out. Confess your struggles and ask God to clean and purify your heart. Ask Him to help you surrender your dreams and desires to Him, knowing He knows best.
2. Listen to worship music and pray. As you pray, I find it helpful to close my eyes and play songs with a similar theme to what I'm struggling with. For example, when I want to surrender, I listen to songs like "Gracefully Broken," "I Surrender," and "All to Jesus." As I pray, I take half of my time to listen to the songs' words and half of my time to hear God speak.
3. Let your dreams die. I know this step might sound shocking and depressing, but check out this verse in John 12:24: "Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds" (NIV). While this scripture references Jesus' death and resurrection, it's a beautiful reminder that sometimes our hopes and dreams must die for His best work to be completed in us. This doesn't mean we give up, but we fully surrender to His plans for our lives.
Do you need to practice surrendering today? Take a few minutes to read the entire story in John 12. Then, ask God to help you lay down your plans in exchange for His. Remember, His ways are better, but they start with total, complete, whole-hearted surrender.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/thekopmylife
