Originally published Friday, 27 February 2015.
But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works. Psalm 73:28 (ESV)
Xylon is having another scan today.
It should just be a routine one. It should just be another clear scan. It should be the second clear scan after 18 chemo sessions, a stem cell transplant and 20 radiation appointments.
But "shoulds” don't hold a lot of weight when it comes to cancer.
Even faith sometimes struggles to make the nagging fears that this part of our story isn’t finished.
Add to all of this the stress of moving house, and town, and renovating. And all of it can feel quite debilitating.
Over the years we've learnt that these scans are stressful times for us. I know I begin snapping for no reason. I know that Xylon and I have less grace for the other. And I know that we'll probably end up arguing about something silly.
I also know that my presence matters during these times. I've learnt there aren't words to say in these days.
I've discovered that sometimes silence and a hug are the best way to say, "I'm with you. We'll get through this."
I don’t say a lot but I’m there.
Sometimes I'll burrow in as close as I can to Xylon and let our hopes and fears tighten around us. Other times, I'll keep myself busy in the lounge or kitchen because I can tell he needs the space and time to process, to be alone.
And all of this has got me thinking about God and his presence in my life.
I sometimes mistake God's silence for his absence. (tweet this)
Sometimes I think God is only present when I can feel him but maybe God is with me all the time.
Maybe when it's quiet it's because God's sitting beside me, sharing the experience that words are inadequate for.
Perhaps God is simply keeping himself busy in the other room but that doesn’t mean he isn’t with me.
What I'm learning is that God is never to far away to hear me say, "Can you come sit with me awhile?"
And sometimes God’s presence is the quiet, silent type that means more than a thousand words. (tweet this)
Ponder: Do you believe that God is always with you even when you can't see, hear or feel him?
Prayer: Thank you for always being near enough to hear my cry.
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- This was orginally published on my site in October 2014. To read more devotionals like this go to ilovedevotionals.com