Married With Friends

Originally published Tuesday, 22 January 2013.

Since Marc and I got married, I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships.

There’s a difference between being a private person and hiding your sins, or a public person and wanting attention. I’m an author so I automatically fall into the public arena.

Some days this is great.
Other days I groan inwardly.

My husband does not share the spotlight. He is a private person. He refuses to use social media–if at all. This is more than okay, actually. I recently found out that Facebook is now a cause of 1/3 of divorces. WHAT?

I remember how difficult it was for me to wait a few weeks after Marc and I started dating to update my relationship status. I wanted to make sure our relationship was more important than making it Facebook official. But enough about Facebook.

What I really want to talk about is friendships.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am to all my best friends. For taking the time to befriend me, shape my character, encourage and love on me through good times and bad.

Now that I’m married I see my friendships changing–fast.

In 12 Things I Didn’t Expect From Marriage, I wrote how my friendships have changed.

“I was that saangle (really single) chick who assumed I’d never leave my single friends in the dumpsville. Now that I’m married, so much time goes into building a life together. It’s not necessarily bad or good—it is what it is.”

Partly because it requires more time than I can give, which I’m okay with.
Partly because those I previously reached out to haven’t reached back, which…

It sucks to see who your true friends are.

I’m not saying marriage is a friendship killer. It’s not. It purifies them. My friends who truly care about my new life and marriage have stuck around. They’ve texted, called, emailed–whatever it takes to check up on me and my hubby. They’re not jealous or scared.

They just are. my. friends.

I feel bad for saying this, and have resisting coming clean for the past few months. But I get it now.

How it feels to say “no” more than “yes.”
How it feels to become a private person to protect and enjoy my husband.
How it feels to change in friendships when the other doesn’t, can’t, or won’t.

Being married has taught me to appreciate true friends.

To make time for those who make time for me.
To spend time on what’s most important–God.

I think, no I know–it will make for healthier friendships because “a friend loves at all times [single or married], and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17, NIV84).