Writer by day, transcriber by night, Renee is a boy mom, PPD survivor, recovering fear-a-holic, and former educator. She lives on Christ and caffeine as she attempts to finally transcend mediocrity and live the life Jesus died for her to have. When not tied to her desktop and swimming in coffee, the native Floridian can be found wherever the water is salty, spending time with her son and husband of 15 years.
She’s a contributor to Disney's Babble, The Huffington Post, and The Washington Post. You can learn more about Renee’s journey and her passion for helping women find their worth in the Word, not the world, at The Stay@Home Scribe.
IDENTITY. FOUND. FINALLY.
We’d spent so much time together, growing and sharing and changing while submerged in comfortable darkness—perhaps the only time darkness can ever truly be comfortable.
When I was a small child, maybe four, I’d daydream about her snuggling with me in the warmth of our mother’s love. We knew not who we ourselves were, but I suspect that in our own way we understood the bond—felt it.
The two of us came from one. We were indistinguishable to all except the One who’d masterfully formed us. We were to be delivered into a world that had no choice but to welcome us—well, in an ideal world, I suppose.
But, friend, I bet I don’t have to remind you that this isn’t an ideal world, do I?
Sometimes God allows one twin to stay here in this imperfect habitation while another He chooses to take Home.
I spent most of my childhood and adolescence grieving for Delise. Isn’t that a beautiful name? Perfect name for the perfect child who would live in the perfect place with the perfect Savior.
My days were silently filled with wonderings of why her and not me.
Why did God leave me here?
Why did He choose her and not me?
He must’ve left me here for a reason—to do something great. (No pressure there, right?)
Maybe I thought that it wasn’t really so much about not being chosen as it was simply being denied to be in His presence. I wasn’t good enough?
Needless to say, I struggled in finding my identity, more than the average girl. I simply crumbled under the pressure of being left here to do some miraculous work—to justify to myself (and everyone else?) why I was chosen to stay.
I was crushed by the pain of missing the other half of me. Somehow I knew that if she was here with me that I’d have comfort; I would have meaning with my companion by my side.
When this damaged, limited, broken world fills a hurting, fearful mind and heart with a lot of the stuff it feels the need to offer—brokenness, fear, and plain old junk, well, it’s pretty easy to believe that you’re not good enough, special enough, smart enough, woman enough…that you’re a failure, nobody, and worthless. Sweet friend, I’ve been a certifiable, anxious introvert with deep-seated trust issues for decades because of two reasons: One, I believed the things the world said about me. (I believed what the world wanted me to believe.) Second, I didn’t know who I was, my true identity.
Let’s Get Real Here.
How is it that the world beats us down to nothing, telling us we’re insignificant failures who’ll never be good enough so why bother? (And we buy into it!) Yet, this same world
expects demands that we attain the unattainable—perfectionism? Crazy, right?
Well, I say to the world: YOU DON’T KNOW ME!
Say this to yourself and claim it as your own, with an attitude! Say it like you mean it. You’re doing battle with the world, after all. [May I suggest saying it in your best hip-hop, gangsta rap voice–minus the expletives, of course?]
This world may have shaped and molded me more than I’d like to admit, but it did not make me; Therefore, it does not define me. My Maker, my Molder, the One who knows my secret ingredients because He used them to Masterfully create me—that’s Who really knows me. That’s Who defines me!
I’m convinced that had I started learning of my true identity earlier in life, I wouldn’t have accepted so easily that which the world wanted me to believe about myself. The enemy wouldn’t have so easily been able to manipulate me and my thoughts. I wouldn’t have allowed that plethora of questions I had no answers for haunt me into my adulthood. I would’ve known my worth is in Him, not this world.
And I wouldn’t have struggled for so long!
Are you like me?
Have you suffered a decades-long identity crisis?
Have you been spending too much time in the world and not enough time in His Word?
Have fear and low self-worth kept you a prisoner?
Have you been looking for your identity in someone else, maybe even someone who is no longer here on this Earth?
I Have Good News.
It’s not too late to find out your true identity! It’s not too late to be restored! It’s not too late to let yourself off of the hook and live the life you’re meant to. One of abundance.
The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows]. John 10:10
I encourage you to spend some time with the One who wonderfully crafted you with His own hands. Read His promises for you and your life. Read about how much He loves you and the many affectionate names He calls you. (Yes, our Heavenly Father has nicknames for us!)
He has proclaimed you as a child of the King! And no child of the King should be a slave to the world. I promise that your worth can be found in His Word, not your world.
BUT DON’T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT—OR ANYONE ELSE’S. FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF!
Here’s a short list of verses to get you started on the journey to learning who you really are—not who the world says you are, not who your parents wanted you to be, not who the enemy says you’re not, but your true identity—Who you are in Him.