Originally published Monday, 19 February 2018.
I had something I was writing to you yesterday. It was nearly written and I just needed to edit and put some finishing touches on it before I hit publish.
But laying on my pillow last night, I realized I had something altogether different I really want to say. So here I am, laptop back open, typing away at the keys with words that won’t let me sleep until I write them down.
It’s a simple message. Nothing really dressed up with a bunch of flourishes because it’s a place I’m still working through.
Some days I think I’ve nailed it. But other days — many days — I find myself struggling to win this.
I want to live fully where I am. And I want to love where I am.
But it’s so hard. Because I loved the life I had.
I wasn’t ready to let it go. It wasn’t perfect by any stretch but it was the life I knew and the life we’d shaped and all the life I ever wanted.
There were lots of deaths the day Dan died. It wasn’t just loss of my husband but loss of the meter to our days, the assumptions of our future, our hopes and plans and family as we knew it.
The good news is that God is healing. He has so tenderly rescued me from the pit of despair and pain that were those first years of grief and set my feet on the rock of His hope.
But there are days. There are days I miss what was.
Maybe your life has taken a hard left turn you never saw coming and you find yourself struggling to live where God has you.
One of the hardest parts of grief is letting go of the life that was and taking hold of the life that is.
It’s a process. It’s not a one and done thing. We have to deliberately release the life that was and begin to root ourselves in the life that is.
This life we didn’t see coming can feel foreign, like we’re trying on someone else’s clothes and they’re too big and floppy. I’m the girl looking for my old jeans – the ones that felt at home and fit so comfortably with their well-worn memories.
This hard-left life doesn’t just feel foreign; it feels blank. It’s hard to re-imagine a future when the present is still being reshaped.
And yet, this is where I find myself. This is where God has put me.
And while I never saw it coming, God did.
God doesn’t have surprise endings or second-best options.
There is never a Plan B with God; only a Chapter 2.
I don’t want to just accept God’s will for my life; I want to agree with it.
To #livewhereyouare and love where you are is to agree that God got it right.
To #livewhereyouare and love where you are means THIS is exactly where we’re supposed to be and it has as much abundance and joy and satisfaction and laughter as the days before.
To #livewhereyouare and love where you are ensures we don’t miss the good here because we’re missing all that was there.
For the last few months, I’ve been using the hashtag #livewhereyouare on Instagram to help me mine the treasure that is life now.
What if we had a whole community of believers who agreed that God is getting it right? What if we fully faced this life as it is and mined the treasures that are here?
I’d love you to join me in community to document the moments that help you #livewhereyouare and love where you are. We’ll be using #livewhereyouare♥ to make it unique.
Show us your #livewhereyouare♥ moments. I can’t wait to see them, celebrate them and repost them.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
* * *
This post first appeared at LisaAppelo.com.
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