A Complete Meltdown

Originally published Tuesday, 30 July 2013.

I wrote a post a few months back called  “Joy, Peace and MiniMeltdowns” and usually that is what they are -mini, but not today, it wasn’t mini at all. It was a full on complete and utter meltdown.

I felt every emotion and even though I knew full well that feelings are NOT TRUTH, I was a mess. Or as I like to say a “hot mess”.

From comparison, to feeling unvalued, to anger, I was cursing in my car (ya’all I am just being honest, that is normally not me) but I didn’t care, I was so upset.

I screamed out in tears,

"Lord you say if we come to you, you will help",

Everything in me wanted to say 'change the situation, it is not fair'. I thought that, felt that and believed that, but I made myself say “change me Lord, I need you to change me and my perspective on this situation before I completely lose it!”

It was not what most would call a prayer, but luckily we are not dealing with most when we are dealing with prayer. We are dealing with the One who created the universe and loves us most. The One who knows every hair on our head, the One who knows the deep reason for our tears.

The problem was I was believing these lies:

“Lindsay God is not real, you are so stupid.”

“He doesn’t care.”

“It is not going to get better, you have no hope”

It was a battle for sure. But as I kept crying out and praying, suddenly and when I say suddenly it was suddenly I felt complete peace, I couldn’t even talk. All of “it” had went away. I opened my twitter account and immediately saw this post about comparison, I read it while waiting in traffic, it brought rest to my spirit.  Suddenly the other lies that I didn’t recognize I had been believing for a few days now were exposed I had been hearing in the depths of my soul

“Writing doesn’t help anyone Lindsay, you are silly to think that this writing thing matters”

Well it just helped me, so that lie was then exposed.

It’s the peace, the peace that really does not make sense. It reminds us that GOD, He is real.

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.