Originally published Thursday, 03 November 2016.
A tear welled up in my eye, God had forgotten me.
What seemed like a possibility, a door, creaked and slowly shut. I couldn't tell -
did the door fully close or was there still a crack?
Either way, what I had longed to hear as a yes, disappeared like a vapor. Gone. Without a mention, without a word. As I figured it, no news - means people are avoiding you. They hate to be a disappointment (Humanomics 101).
As I saw it; I lost out.
Not wanted. Rejected. Not worthy. Hurt. Alone.
Ever been there?
Why is it that God seems to give you something only to slam a no in your face? It makes a girl soar in the throat from trying to hold back tears. That is how it feels. It feels like a smile turned upside down. It feels like a heart wanting to be happy, wanting to trust God, wanting to walk in faith, wanting all that and then getting pinched - hard.
Do you feel left behind by God?
Do tears drop where hope once abounded?
I know, friends, it stinks. Let's just first acknowledge, hot fudge sundae's can end up melted. Dreams can wash up and away. Hopes can suffocate under discouragement. Sometimes, things don't work - they break, and then, seemingly, break us.
They break our spirit of joy.
They break our mode of purpose.
They break our vision of the future.
They break how we see ourselves.
They break our feeling of belonging.
But, let me ask you...can they ever break the character of God.
As much as I want to stomp and pout before my Maker, the maker of everything, the maker of every opportunity - I have to stop to consider...
Who says I know the best way?
Who says this was ever God's way?
Who says God doesn't have in motion - a better way?
Who says God ever left me?
Who declared me not good enough?
If the great and powerful, high and mighty, God declared me good (Gen. 1:31),
who is man to label me otherwise?
And, why do I give them permission?
If the all-knowing, all-seeing God, says he has plans prepared in advance for me (Eph. 2:10), what is a small hiccup?
A hiccup to God is a grain of sand to me. It is of no consequence.
Looking back, I can't count the blessings that have come to me. But, what I can count on is that they've never arrived by striving. They've never shown up through inflated efforts. They've never walked in on account of man's doing.
Nearly, every time, they've come like a surprise birthday party - out-of-nowhere, thrown in complete love. And what could be better than that?