Originally published Sunday, 10 May 2015.
I always wanted to be someone.
I wanted to do things.
I wanted to pursue life.
I thought, tomorrow, I will live as God wants me to live. I knew if I wanted to be someone tomorrow, I had to do something today. Yet that was the hard part.
No matter what I did, I couldn't seem to follow through.
I studied to become a realtor and never got myself to the test.
I planned ways to bring chef dinner parties to people's home, but I never got it off the ground.
I had goals of starting my own marketing agency, but I never made it happen.
Tomorrow. It's the day we always have to hang our dreams on. It's the day filled with hope, possibility and longing. Yet it's often the greatest hindrance to where we want to go.
Tomorrow held me back and I kind of hated it for that reason. I lived in a perpetual dream cycle of tomorrows. I became the aimless girl who roamed from idea to idea - hoping one would stick.
I felt misguided.
Angry at myself.
Frustrated by my lack of follow through.
Until one day, God spoke a different story into my life - a different calling.
As I listened, put pen to paper and spoke his words of life, I could sense a powerful seed growing. Something was starting to take bloom!
I could feel the uprising of something big.
I could sense new life in my lifeless walk.
I could sense a new arrangement of purpose taking shape.
When these sensations came over me, I remembered that aimless girl. I remembered how she felt. And, sadness washed over me. I longed to rewind back to yesterday to tell her a couple things: hold fast to following God and trusting him, don't get down today and believe in tomorrow!
Sometimes we actually aren't in hesitation mode,
we are in God's preparation mode.
What we wait for today,
develops our character for tomorrow.
He has to plant the seeds of his love within us,
before we are ready to plant them around us.
It's always about his seeds arising,
verses ours attained through striving.
God faithfully watered my soul that thirsted to serve him, to love him and to bring Him glory. I am so thankful he took the time to water. It has been his greatest gift to me. I have grown and I have prepared, so I may go.
In days to come Jacob will take root, Israel will bud and blossom and fill all the world with fruit. Is. 27:6
Now I see what he arranged within me, isn't to satisfy me, but it's to satisfy others. He has developed dreams that extend far beyond my hopes and wishes, although they do completely satisfy them.
The truth is, God is always in the process of planting and blooming. There are parts of us that are ready to bloom, parts ready for water and parts ready for seeding. But, one thing we can trust is that he is always at work - and it's not just for our good, it's for our great!
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands. Ps. 138:8