In my own mind, I am weak.
Especially this week, with husband out of town and toddler girl waking nightly seeing "bad things", repeatedly, nearly every hour - I am tired. It didn't help she came down with pink eye, the mysterious condition that makes your eyes seep out goo that should only be reserved for icky monsters on kid cartoons. Needless to say, the goo spoke saying, "Get her to urgent care ASAP."
Which was almost impossible because it was nearly blizzarding and pelting ice like hockey pucks. But, not entirely impossible, so we pulled on winter gear, slushed through the mush and made it, unscathed, to 3 urgent care locations. Closed. Each and every one of them. Closed. Closed. Closed.
I considered laying my head on the horn, making a SUV tribal sound, indicating to the world, "Rescue me." I didn't. I knew no one would come.
Upward and onward!!! Moms don't give up. We got her meds.
Then, I got pink eye. Then, Madison got a mysterious fever only showing up during the hours of school. She got banned for 24 hours from returning. I got frustrated because every single mission I am trying to work on is getting thwarted. Every moment of time I have to do great things, is getting stolen. Every dream I am pursuing is becoming ruined by sickness and no sleep and storms and people and...the whole world is buckling, it is falling down on the sides. The box is breaking and I can't hold it up. It isn't listening!!!
Did I mention, I feel weak?
Jesus says, "Our flesh is weak." (Mt. 26:41)
He knows how it goes.
He also says our "spirit is willing." (Mt. 26:41)
"Spirit" in this case is the Greek word pneuma, our own soul or mind.
In translation, this means: Our flesh is weak and our mind is willing. Or better said, our flesh is weak and our mind tries...
Our mind tries, just like the disciples' minds probably tried. They tried to stay awake, I'm sure, but, they didn't. They fell asleep in Jesus' hour of need. Jesus returned to find them, not praying and watching, but asleep - again.
I think if Jesus returned to find me, he'd find me, not praying, but weak to his power in my life.
That thought scares me.
But, what wakes my true Spirit up in me, not the try-hard, die-hard, spirit in me, is this: "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith." (Eph. 3:16-17)
When I get in the posture of prayer, I can awaken my Spirit of Faith. God wants to pour out revival in my own soul. He wants to replenish what is depleted. He wants to overpower my spirit with His. And this, returns me to power. It awakens me to purpose. It reminds me: My flesh is weak, my spirit is willing, but His Spirit is alive, moving and activating things that need tending to in my life.
Will you let God in?
Perhaps you join me today and pray this simple prayer:
God, I pray out of your riches, you strengthen me with power through your Spirit in my inner being. Father, I want Christ to dwell in my heart through faith. You are the only answer when everything seems impossible. You are the only answer when I feel I can't. You are the answer when everything goes wrong. My spirit is willing. My flesh is weak. Increase the power of your Spirit within me and by decrease my spirit response, so that I might live full of faith and full of you as I go through my day. In Jesus' Name, Amen
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