Originally published Friday, 15 July 2016.
She threw out the eloquent answer before I could even breathe a letter. This girl pre-empted my open mouth with just the right juicy tidbit. It moved like a hot juicy bone in front of a dog. Except, this dog was my boss. He bit and savored it all - bite by bite.
I squinted. She knew what she was doing...she was trying to one-up me - again. She always did. She had a bag full of treats.
She went to the boss' office first thing in the morning with coffee.
She walked the halls to talk to the "important" people.
She sent emails that carbon copied the whole world and their bosses bosses.
She sat down in the chair right next to me, without even saying hi.
She rose her shoulders and typed away...
You know the type:
One who will do anything to get in with the right people.
One who keeps a count on who matters and who doesn't.
One who doesn't like you so much for you, but what you can do.
One who will step on your face to reach a little bit higher...
What do you do with those types?
Jesus encountered them too.
Judas. (Luke 22)
Cash was king. Jesus was his disposable means to obtain it.
Pilate. (Luke 23:13-23)
He chose popular acclaim, so as not to have to endure public disdain.
The thing about self-seekers is, many times, they think their maneuvers are sly and under the radar, but they aren't. They are as obvious as day and as dubious as night. They really get to me.
I could go on and on about them...but, some wise person, whose face and name I can't remember, once told me, "If something really irks you about someone else, it is probably because that something is you."
Am I a self-seeker?
This thought horrifies me. I can't be like - them. Can I?
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Mt. 7:3
My own critical eye boomerangs.
I say, "It's them."
God says, "No, Kelly, it's you."
I say, "It's them.
God says, "No, Kelly, it's you."
God, even more says: "It is you, my darling, and I don't tell you this because I want to punish you, but because I want to redeem you.
(The gates of my heart open...)
I tell you this, Kelly, because when you are so set on looking at them, you miss me and you miss how I call you to love. You get bent out of shape instead of molding to my shape. You get protective instead of proactively offering out my best. You head off the rails of mercy and grace.
Be unconcerned with them.
Be uncontrollably infatuated with me.
What is holy.
Do you see me?
Your shape will take shape as you do this.
Even if they diss you, I never will.
Even more, Kelly, the opportunity is never found in what you do; the opportunity is me. Plain and simple - I am the ropes set over that impassable river. I am the rubble changed into a road. I am a flicker of light in your darkness.
Don't look left, don't look right, don't judge others, don't fight to be heard, don't act out to be seen, don't fear, don't worry...I AM the I AM."
And so it is settled.
Starting today, I will:
1. Thank God for them.
2. Ask God for eyes to see from their perspective.
3. Give graciously to them.
4. Keep my focus on the wrongs within my own heart.
5. Pray that God fills both their heart - and mine - with security and assurance in him.
And, finally, I will turn to God and say, "I am sorry."
Forgive me for the ways I have tried to get ahead.
Forgive me for my judgement of others.
Help me love those who I am prone to pick apart.
Help me sacrifice as you have, with no strings attached.