Why Communication Makes the Best Foreplay

Originally published Wednesday, 26 September 2012.

*FYI: The following series is on marriage and may contain candid speech and "mature" subjects such as sex and pornography; both topics I think are too important not to discuss, but might be inappropriate for younger readers.

Do you know that you have a husband that longs for you? A man who’s committed to you, and thinks you’re beautiful? I don’t know about you but occasionally, I need to be reminded of this. He likely thinks of you while he’s at work, while he’s driving, and basically everywhere else he goes. According to many studies, you’re naked in his thoughts. How cool is that?


My husband’s favorite phrase when it comes to sex is, “just say yes”.


I can tell you, in all honesty, that sex (or the lack thereof) can make or break a marriage. When we choose to love on our husbands, we make them want to come home to us. 

Sex changes marriages. It changes the way we feel about ourselves, and our spouses. Being intimate with your soul mate in an incomparable experience


I asked my husband how many times a week he would prefer to have sex, and he very calmly, without hesitation said, “48”. Obviously, this is a gross exaggeration (at least I hope so!), but the point is that he would like that type of physical intimacy as often as I’m willing to give it. 


Thankfully, my love language is touch so this works out nicely for us. However, not every man, or woman, has the same needs. I think it’s important for both husband and wife to understand that their spouse is built differently, and their physical needs are sometimes different than ours. 


There are times when you’re exhausted, when you’re at the end of your rope and getting naked just might put you over the edge. That’s a movie-view of sex. In marriage, not every night has to be a 3 hour love fest, and you’re allowed to give yourselves a break. As a business woman, volunteer and mom of 2 energetic children, I’ve found that quickies are God’s gift to the weary. Your man will not complain if you just want let him do all of the work from time to time. 


The key, is communication.


Sex in marriage, as God’s design, creates in you a bond with your spouse that grows and deepens through time. Your cravings for one another begin to shift from animalistic instinct to a deep longing for intimacy. But there is a danger of quenching the thirst. 


Ask your spouse questions. Ask them to ask you questions. 
Making the effort to know one another will be the greatest foreplay you might ever know. 


Do you remember at the beginning of your marriage, you had your unique way of loving your husband or wife? You soaked in their bodies and the way they move. You both traced each other’s curves with your fingers, and your kisses linger on their lips. 


Unfortunately, there are times when we take on too much (husbands AND wives), and forget just how necessary the basic need for physical intimacy is. Guilty as charged! 


Rest assured that seasons change, and making love will not always be a priority. Pregnancies and nursing newborns have been the cause of a dry spell or two in our home, however, we always make our way back to one another.


Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”.


One flesh.


Beautifully implying God’s design for marriage is unlike anything else. 


Marriage is to be cherished, protected, and celebrated. And as a direct result, your sex life is also to be cherish, protected, and celebrated. 

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Marrieds: Date your spouse, make love often, and put the other person first; though it may take time, your whole world will change. 


An idea to get you started

-Learn each others love languages and speak them often. Knowing the way in which your spouse needs to be loved can have a huge impact on your relationship. Does he/she need to be touched often? Does he/she need to hear words of affirmation? Does he/she know the way you need to be loved as well?  (Recommended reading: The 5 Love Languages-Gary D. Chapman)


Singles/Engaged: What are your overall thoughts on sex. What do you think it looks like in marriage? What are your expectations for sex in marriage? Talk through these with a (mature) couple you trust, who will lead you to realistic and biblical truths about sexuality. 




Who/what do you think formed your view and opinions of sex? (Movies, music, friends, family, books, etc) 


How have you seen sex divide and/or unify in marriage?


Katie McGihon is a wedding photographerblogger and worship leader in Palm Springs, California. She holds herself to God’s standards, and is grateful to wake up every day and do what she loves. She is a wife to Scott, and Momma to Aden and Ava.


*This post is part of a week-long series on juliannamorlet.com