Jennifer Maggio

         

   In junior high, it seems nothing can be worse than a new school year and the dreaded lunch break. It is the time when your social future is seemingly decided.  You awkwardly stumble through the lunch line, heart pounding, as you receive the sloppy joe, boxed milk, and cold fries. You retrieve your plate and turn to find a seat. Inevitably, it happens. You quickly survey the room, scanning the crowd for even one familiar face, and everyone seems to have found their group of friends. Cliques form, and many teen girls are convinced they don’t belong anywhere.

 

            I thought insecurity was marked for just the awkward pre-teen and teen years until I broached my twenties with the same problems. In my early twenties, like many that age, I struggled to find who I was, where I fit in, and what I wanted for my future. It seemed that everyone had their lives more together than me. I fell into comparison, always struggling to measure up. It seemed someone always had a better life than me in so many ways. They were prettier, smarter, and more organized. They had more money and more friends. They were thinner and happier. Whatever the comparison, I struggled to move beyond it.

 

            I don’t think most would have known how insecure I was. I carried myself well at work and had friends, but my insecurity reared its ugly head in many ways.  If I walked by office staff at work, I was convinced they were talking ugly about me. I often isolated and didn’t want to meet new people in social settings. It gave me great anxiety. Upon meeting new co-workers or friends, I would shake their hand, convinced they were sizing me up, and instantly they would see all my flaws. It caused me to not only isolate but also to be angry or petty. Many times, my own insecurity would allow me to gossip about a new girl at work or make snide comments if she succeeded in an area. I didn’t rejoice in her victories, but rather demeaned them, as it only highlighted those things I felt about myself.

 

            It trickled into church life, too. I hated joining new Bible studies or groups at church because when I walked into a new environment, I thought others would stare or possibly judge me. Sadly, the insecurity led to lonely nights at home and probably lost potential friendships, too.

 

            I am thankful to have walked the journey and grown in confidence in who Christ has created me to be. It has surprised me recently to see many women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond still struggling with the same insecurities I battled so many years ago. I guess I always thought that as you got older, insecurities just automatically dissipated.  It doesn’t. I am convinced that Satan’s plan is to whisper in our ear, constantly, how we don’t measure up, and we never will. He convinces us others won’t understand, their lives are better than ours, and we will never be accepted.  Insecurities take root, and if not careful, we become easily offended, bitter, angry, and petty.

 

Here’s some advice on battling the beast of insecurity:

 

Recognize that everyone will battle. Insecurity isn’t just for awkward teen girls, single girls in their twenties, or even women for that matter. It is a tactic Satan would love to use against us all. In fact, he’ll use it more frequently if he finds it successful in your life. You are not the only one.

Know who you are. There have been times when my feelings didn’t necessarily line up with who God said I was. I didn’t feel strong, courageous, forgiven, hopeful, chosen, renewed, beautiful, complete, and free. But just because I didn’t feel those things didn’t mean that they weren’t true. Our feelings are dangerous. The Bible is full of great Scriptures that give us a glimpse into the love our Heavenly Father has for us and how he sees us. All else is a lie from the enemy who would attempt to convince you that you do not measure up.

Guard against retaliation. You have likely been told by a friend, co-worker, or others something that wasn’t life-giving. Maybe someone made a snide remark, untrue statement, or devalued you in some way. Be slow to anger. Maybe they are battling insecurity in some way. Resolve to pray for that person when it happens.

There are many Scriptures that can encourage you through insecurity and help you win the battle. Here are a few of my favorites:

 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17

 

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9

 

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

 

There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

 

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

 

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

 

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:15

 

 

 

** Article first appeared at iBelieve.com.

 Jennifer Maggio is an award-winning author and speaker, whose personal journey through homelessness, abuse, and multiple teen pregnancies is leaving audiences around the globe riveted. At 19, Maggio was pregnant for the fourth time, living in government housing on food stamps and welfare. She shares with great openness, her pain, mistakes, and journey to find hope in Christ. She ultimately became an 11-time Circle of Excellence winner in Corporate America. While a vocal advocate for abstinence, and sustaining today’s marriages,  Maggio recognizes that single parenthood exists and is passionate about seeing these parents thrive. She left her corporate successes behind to launch a global initiative to see single moms living a life of total freedom from financial failures, parenting woes, and emotional issues.  Her passion is contagious, and her story has been used to inspire thousands around the globe. Today, Jennifer works to ensure that no single mom walks alone as the founder of the national profit, The Life of a Single Mom. For more information and resources, visit the website HERE. 

How can we, as loving, compassionate, members of the global body of Christ, reach out and show love to single parents? Maybe the single parents in your life seem like they have it all together. There are some amazingly strong single parents today, and many are achieving success parentally and emotionally while finding great freedom in their walk with the Lord. But even those strong, amazing single parents could use an occasional helping hand.

 

Here are a few practical ways to brighten a single parent's day:

 

- Babysit for free and do it often. Single mothers often work many hours per week and do not want to ask for help. They may even work a second or third job, or be attending a local college, too. Babysitting can be expensive. Encourage single mothers in your life to take the night off. They need it.

 

- Offer to grocery shop for them. Shopping is a simple task, but shop alone with three children hanging from the buggy, and you'll see the challenge many single parents face weekly.

 

- Give her some girl time. Sometimes the best way to serve a single mom is to invite her for coffee for some adult conversation.

 

- Start a single parent support group in your church. What a way to be the body of Christ! Start a Bible study or Sunday School Class just for single parents. Give them a place to feel comfortable and welcomed inside your church walls.

 

Other Ways to Serve Single Parents:

 

Wash & fold clothes.

Offer a word of encouragement.

Buy them a free car wash & oil change.

Create a homemade inspirational book of Scriptures.

Rent a movie & provide popcorn for a movie night.

Yard work.

Perform carpentry, home repairs, and odd & end jobs.

Provide gas money or groceries.

Save your travel-sized toiletries from hotel rooms and donate them.

Clean house.

Cook a meal, or even help plan meals for the week.

Buy her lunch.

Write a handwritten, personal note.

Start a run/walk group where single moms can bring their kids for exercise & girl-time.

Give a single mom a rose.

Bring cookies & baked goods.

Bring a gift basket full of goodies.

Offer cleaning supplies. (They are expensive!)

Offer a day of window shopping, coffee, and a ride through town.

Visit them!

Offer tutoring services for her children.

Cut her grass.

Pray for her.

Play dress up with makeup, hair, & clothes.

 

 Jennifer Maggio is an award-winning author and speaker, whose personal journey through homelessness, abuse, and multiple teen pregnancies is leaving audiences around the globe riveted. At 19, Maggio was pregnant for the fourth time, living in government housing on food stamps and welfare. She shares with great openness, her pain, mistakes, and journey to find hope in Christ. She ultimately became an 11-time Circle of Excellence winner in Corporate America. While a vocal advocate for abstinence, and sustaining today's marriages,  Maggio recognizes that single parenthood exists and is passionate about seeing these parents thrive. She left her corporate successes behind to launch a global initiative to see single moms living a life of total freedom from financial failures, parenting woes, and emotional issues.  Her passion is contagious, and her story has been used to inspire thousands around the globe. Today, Jennifer works to ensure that no single mom walks alone as the founder of the national profit, The Life of a Single Mom. For more information and resources, visit the website HERE. 

 

7 Myths Single Moms Believe Regarding Homeownership and How to Overcome Each

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are approximately 15 million single mothers in the United States (2010), raising 22 million children.  Continued research supports that homeownership provides financial security that not only safeguards a woman’s future but establishes a sense of security and well-being among her children. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that women in the labor force have increased by almost 30% over the last four decades.  Yet, women only accounted for 17% of home purchases (in 2016), according to the Women in the Housing & Real Estate Ecosystem’s website.

Many single mothers do not believe that they can become homeowners for a variety of reasons. Citing such obstacles as limited income, previous credit history challenges, prior discouraging attempts, or lack of education on appropriate next steps to begin the process. Today, we’re uncovering the myths associated with single mom homeownership and how to begin your pathway to becoming a homeowner.

Single moms, you can become a homeowner this year! It starts with a plan. We’ve lined it all out for you below.

Myth #1: I can’t prepare a budget.

While many single moms are living paycheck to paycheck, oftentimes, the cost of rent is higher than what an actual mortgage would be, if a single mom became a homeowner.  Further, with a strong budget and action plan for next steps, many single mothers find the process to homeownership much simpler than they once anticipated.

The first step in becoming a homeowner is to create a working budget based on your income and existing debt. This is crucial to understanding the amount of money you can spend on a house note. The simplest way to do this is to take a blank piece of paper and start by writing your monthly take-home (net) income at the top. Underneath, list all of your recurring monthly expenses, e.g., rent, car note, child care, cell phone bill, gas, groceries, etc. Total all expenses; then subtract them from your net income.  This is a real eye-opening exercise and allows one to see where the starting point is to eliminate expenses.

Don’t like the paper method? There are a number of free online budget calculators that can also assist with this process. **FREE** Budget Calculator HERE! It’s easy and simple. Take it on the go and keep track!

Much like weight loss often depending on diet, exercise, and measured self-control, sticking to a budget will require planning, perseverance, and self-control. But it will all be worth it when you receive the keys to your new home.

Myth #2: The process is too lengthy and complicated.

Many mortgage lenders can process a home approval letter in less than 24 hours once a potential homeowner has found their dream home. Further, the actual loan process can take as little as 14 business days and, in general, a maximum of sixty business days.

The critical component to homeownership is in finding a mortgage lender with a lengthy history of ethical lending, a variety of loan products that can fit your needs, and a loan officer with a willingness to educate the buyer on the process.  Like any new skill set, homeownership is only as scary as the mystery of not understanding its process. Mortgage officers will help walk you through that process. 

Note: No money should never be charged upfront to inquire about a mortgage process or get feedback on appropriate next steps to homeownership. If you have chosen a lender that does request money in the initial stages of inquiry, find another lender!

Myth #3:  My credit is too bad.

While it is true that credit history is important when exploring homeownership, experience shows us that many potential home buyers think their credit history is much worse than it actually is.  That said, we encourage all potential homeowners to take advantage of the free credit report guaranteed by the federal government each year to ascertain where you stand with your credit. Everyone is entitled to a free annual credit report to see exactly what is being reported to the three credit bureaus, Equifax, Experian, and Transunion. This can be done at annualcreditreport.com. All of the other consumer sites that offer free reports are going to give you inaccurate scores and use your personal information for marketing purposes, so don’t use them!

To find out what your FICO scores are, you simply need to contact a mortgage lender and allow them to pull your credit. It does not cost you anything. Further, a credit report pulled by a lender will be an accurate picture of exactly where you stand in regards to purchasing a home. It also allows the lender to evaluate your scores and analyze your credit with you. These reports will allow you to evaluate any inconsistencies or incorrect information that may be on your report that can be repaired, and to at least have a working knowledge of where to start. 

Whether your credit is in excellent working order or needs some work, it is important that you understand where to begin to repair it and further understand that no credit report is beyond repair.  Many mortgage officers will give you an action plan of things necessary to repair a defective credit history or at least point you in the right direction. 

Myth #4: I don’t make enough money.

While it is true that women, statistically, earn less than men, don’t count yourself out! The variety of loan programs currently available give flexibility among lenders on loan products and services that can be offered to a potential client. 

In the event, your debt-to-income ratio (a percentage used to calculate your eligibility for a loan) is out of proportion, understanding how close or far you are from the gap will help educate you on where you are headed. Further, there are several options to increase your income.

For example, consider picking up a second job for a limited amount of time. While this may be difficult as a single mom, it could be well worth it, if it affords you the opportunity to give your children stability. Additionally, there are many secondary business selling products, e.g., makeup, candles, skincare, that have proven to be quite successful for working mothers. Finally, with the availability of the internet and home computers, the list of work from home jobs has expanded exponentially. Click HERE  gives a few different creative job opportunities.

Myth #5: I have to save thousands and thousands to become a homeowner.

There are a number of specialty loan programs out there to assist low and moderate-income families in becoming homeowners. And most require only a nominal down payment.  That said, there will be costs associated with your process, including closing costs (e.g., title, appraisal), inspections, and down payments. So it is important to create a savings plan to build for a future down payment for such incidentals.

Building up your savings account takes time and discipline. It is very easy to spend those savings on going out, nice clothes, and many other things that ultimately leave you not much to show for it. Consider sticking to the 10/10/80 rule. Pay God first. Pay yourself second. Pay your bills third. This says the first 10% of your income goes to tithe to your local church. This is Scriptural in both the Old and New Testament and a best-practice for Believers. The second 10% goes into a savings account. This should not be touched unless you have an actual emergency. The final 80% is what you have left to pay your bills and live off of. This can easily be done, and I have actually had many people come back to tell me they went to 10/20/70 pretty easily as well, which allows you to obviously save even faster.

Myth #6: I don’t have the time to get started on the process.

A homeowner application can often be completed with the ease and convenience of a home computer, at any time, day or night. On average, most applications take less than 15 minutes to complete.  Once the application is complete, the lender will contact you within a few business days to give you appropriate next steps, including permission to pull your credit.

Once your credit is pulled, and your score is acceptable, it’s time to look at your loan options. There are many different programs out there with different guidelines, down payment options, income requirements, and debt ratio requirements. A strong mortgage lender will take the time to evaluate all options, explain them, and keep your best interest in mind.

Myth #7: Finding the right house can be difficult.

Select a realtor that will help you find your perfect home! Their job, literally, is to comb the newspapers, websites, and various MLS listings (an internal database they have access to), to find you potential homes that meet your specifications. That’s right. You outline what you want in a home, including price range, number of bedrooms, geographic location, school district, etc. And each home selection process is unique. 

Finally, once you have followed all the aforementioned steps and are now pre-approved with a lender, you will be able to notify your realtor of the appropriate price range to search within.

 

 

 

 

 Jennifer Maggio is an award-winning author and speaker, whose personal journey through homelessness, abuse, and multiple teen pregnancies is leaving audiences around the globe riveted. At 19, Maggio was pregnant for the fourth time, living in government housing on food stamps and welfare. She shares with great openness, her pain, mistakes, and journey to find hope in Christ. She ultimately became an 11-time Circle of Excellence winner in Corporate America. While a vocal advocate for abstinence, and sustaining today's marriages,  Maggio recognizes that single parenthood exists and is passionate about seeing these parents thrive. She left her corporate successes behind to launch a global initiative to see single moms living a life of total freedom from financial failures, parenting woes, and emotional issues.  Her passion is contagious, and her story has been used to inspire thousands around the globe. Today, Jennifer works to ensure that no single mom walks alone as the founder of the national profit, The Life of a Single Mom. For more information and resources, visit the website HERE.