Jennifer Camp, co-founder of Gather Ministries, and author of Loop, grew up in the middle of an almond orchard in Northern California and now lives in the busy Bay Area with her husband and three kids. A former high school English teacher, she loves to write, but she especially loves to encourage people to seek and live out the truth of their story, their identity in Christ. You can find her writing at her blog, Jennifer J. Camp .You can connect with Jennifer on both Facebook and Twitter. She would love to have you join her there.
It took about a half hour, but I wonder if I’m not done yet. Searching my heart. Writing down the things never confessed. Preparing to share them with a friend. There is more, I’m sure. So I will return to the list. Ask God to search my heart again. Show me what I hide from myself, and from others–what shame, what sin. I trust what He brings to my mind and invites me to take to the foot of the cross.
“Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed” (James 16, MSG).
Confessing my sins to a friend is not going to be easy–or fun. But I know it will be good. It will be a step toward owning who I am without God. It will be saying yes to freedom. It will be letting Jesus love me, knowing I am forgiven.
What I write down has a sting. I have heard a person tell me this–that confession, true confession, should have a sting to it. I write down sins, things I have done, with specificity. And I aim for no blame. I need to own each thing I have done. Blaming, charging another person for something I have done, separates me from owning my own sin. It prevents me from even seeing it. And it makes me a victim in my own life.
Brene Brown explains how “blame is the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Accountability by definition is a vulnerable process.” And, with my prepared confession, that’s what I am trying to move toward. Accountability and vulnerability. I am hoping that in my confessing to a friend, I will be rejecting shame and the impulse to hide my sin–from myself, and from God. I will be standing naked, taking my sin to the foot of the cross. And letting Jesus love me in the middle of the mess.
I know that Jesus’ death–the power and love of the Cross–destroys sin once and for all. But I need to take this step to help my heart believe it.
This is the second post in a series on seeking healing for self-condemnation. Subscribe to join me. I can surely use the company, friend.
This post appeared originally at jenniferjcamp.com