Originally published Friday, 06 June 2014.
I miss writing here. I miss writing, in general. I miss sitting and listening and slowing. I miss choosing quiet and holding God's hand.
I have been reading Bonnie Gray's book, Finding Spiritual Whitespace: awakening your soul to rest, a book about choosing to let God in, a book about choosing to let Him guide our time, our memories, our choices throughout the day. It's a book about surrendering, in all the possible ways. It's a book about a little girl's heart that was broken and healed again when she let herself be guided into moments with her Father, especially moments in her past that He longed to heal and rewrite.
Bonnie's story is stunningly beautiful and heartbreaking and glorious. All of this. She is raw and vulnerable and so amazingly brave in how she shares the details of her life that brought such wounding to her heart, as a little girl--this wounding that she carried with her until less than two years ago, when the weight of her wounds led to her experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
God doesn't want to leave us in the same place. He comes for the brokenhearted, resurrecting the hearts of His daughters who, as little girls, suffered. He knows His daughters, while even grown, still suffer: He knows when the wounds of the past are too great. He knows when the memories have been pushed down, tucked away, not surrendered to and rewritten by Jesus.
I never would have guessed in a thousand years my journey to rest would be paved with so much anguish. But the journey of the soul is one that Jesus is deeply and intimately familiar with (Bonnie Gray, Finding Spiritual Whitespace).
God doesn't forget and leave the brokenhearted by themselves.
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound (Isaiah 61:1, ESV).
Each of us is the brokenhearted, in so many hidden, silent, undiscovered ways. Our memories, our past, our regrets, the trauma we've experienced can cause these soul-centered-inward parts of ourselves to split apart, almost as a form of self-protection.
Sometimes, there are things we've endured that are too much for a little girl to face. Consequently, a part of us shuts down, turns off, becomes numb. We are the brokenhearted: not fully ourselves, not fully alive, not fully whole.
Our little girl hearts need to be reunited with the new heart Jesus gives us when He brings healing and rescue and redemption to our past.
We are hungry to be healed, eager for our broken pieces to be made whole. Thus we ask Jesus to help us be courageous, to help us face the memories we'd much rather never again see.
Bonnie's book resonated with me the first time I heard the title: Finding Whitespace with God. My new adventure with Justin, with Gather, has been stretching me. I've been working hard. But I've been neglecting letting God care for my heart. I need to spend time with Him, in quiet spaces, in whitespace where I can hear His voice whisper to me. I need to say no to opportunities, even if they are "good" ones, if it means I am saying no to whitespace with God.
For when I rush, when I am busy, when my to-do list is way too long, I feel so very alone. In these situations, my pride tells me I should work harder, be more efficient, dig in and get more things done. But the God who loves me, who created me, who knows me and draws me close, offers me time with Him. With Him, is whitespace--a place where I can rest and be creative and realize the truth of who I am and breathe.
I was gifted Bonnie's book, but I've read it, instead, on my Kindle. I saved the beautiful paper copy, and didn't read that one, because I wanted to pass the copy on to one of you.
Would you like more whitespace with God? Would you like to be encouraged to seek Him--for rest, for healing, for a new start? Would you like to read the story of a woman who clung to God's hand in the midst of facing nightmarish childhood memories and trusting God to lead her through? Would you like to be invited to slow and consider practical ways you can live differently, once God is allowed into all the hidden places of your heart?
I bet you would.
If you'd like to win the copy of Bonnie Gray's book, Finding Whitespace with God, leave a comment on the blog sharing what is drawing you towards God's whitespace--why this is the perfect book for you to read right now.
Can't wait to hear--and I'll announce the winner on Tuesday, June 10, at my blog, You Are My Girls.