Originally published Wednesday, 05 February 2014.
”Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.” –Psalm 126: 5-6 (NIV)
Last summer during the pain and heartbreak stemming from my broken engagement earlier in the year, I clung to that verse. I wept as I read Scripture day after day, as I prayed to Jesus asking for His help. Knowing His promises are true, I believed that He would redeem my heartache and that by grasping His hand the tears I was sowing would be rewarded with a heart of joy.
Last fall, I thought He was beginning to redeem that broken relationship. After it felt like no man would ever want to be with me, I met a guy who by all accounts seemed perfect for me. I hesitated at first afraid of getting hurt again, but little by little I began to believe that this relationship might work out. I began to believe that my dreams of being a wife and a mom might come true.
Less than three weeks ago, the relationship ended with not much of an explanation of why.
A mess of feelings and questions swirl in my head that I am still trying to process.
God is asking me to hope.
God is asking me to truly believe that He is the God of impossibilities.
God is asking me to walk by faith and not by what I see and feel.
So while I don’t understand why I find myself heartbroken yet again less than a year later, while I don’t understand why the relationship ended when it appeared to be going so well, while I don’t understand why I never seem to be the girl worth choosing …
I will still love my Father,
I will still say God is good,
I will still cling to my Lord’s hand,
and I will still believe that with God, anything is possible.