Originally published Monday, 06 January 2014.
My dad’s surgery was supposed to last between an hour and an hour and a half. Instead, my mom and I had just made it back to the hospital from grabbing a quick bite to eat as our pager went off alerting us that the surgeon was ready to speak with us. It had barely been 45 minutes. My panic button immediately went off and I began assuming the worst. I concluded that something had gone horribly wrong. Why else would the surgeon need to speak with us so soon?
Sitting in the consultation room, I tried to remind myself that it was a simple, routine surgery and that my dad was probably ok, but I couldn’t shake the panicky feelings in my head.
“Everything went fine” were the first words out of the surgeon’s mouth when he opened the door. I finally allowed myself to exhale and thanked God.
Afterwards, I felt ashamed at how quickly I let fear take hold of my heart. How much faith did I have if I allowed myself to get that worried that fast?
“He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” –Matthew 17:20 (NIV)
My knee-jerk response to worry and be fearful is yet another reminder to me of just how much I need Jesus Christ. Yes, I follow Him and I trust Him but in those possible life-changing moments, my human frailty rises to the top fighting to maintain control yet knowing I really don’t have any control. In order to surrender, I must choose to let Him show me how to surrender.
He is teaching me that even in my weakness, He is there. My Savior is my strength. All I have to do is reach out, hold His hand and let Him show me the way.
“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” -2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)