Originally published Tuesday, 21 May 2013.
Growing up a lot of the women I looked up to were go get ‘em gals. They were always busy doing some great thing for their careers, their families, their church. My grandma used to say “Resting is for when you’re in the grave.” She could work rings around people half her age until she was in her 80’s. As a nap-resister since preschool, I agreed with Grandma about resting, or rather not resting!
I’ve always been a high energy girl, until just recently. Life changes and a few health issues have had me in a different place. A tired place. A worn thin place. And at first, an I-hate-this place! Now I’m lapping up the lessons God has in this season... or at least trying my best to! I’m learning that tired is OK.
I was sharing with someone about how I felt emotionally tired over a circumstance. I didn’t want to be thin on grace and patience for it...it just seemed to be so draining. As I shared my frustration over my response, a dear friend and sister looked at me and said, “It’s OK to be tired. You’re allowed.” Her words sum up these last few months. Allowing myself to be tired.
Just before this new season set in for me, I was talking over the reality of limitations with someone very near and dear to me. I shared how I would always ask God to make much of the little I had to offer Him for His glory and the blessing of His people, like He did with the boy who gave his loaves and fishes. It’s a good prayer. But the unspoken thought process that came along with it, was that no matter how little I had to offer, no matter how thin or worn, I was always in a posture of giving and out-put. I was under the assumption God wanted me there. After all, we’d pray for God to do what was exceedingly, abundantly beyond all we could ask or imagine. We’d pray for Him to do through us what is beyond us. Tired doesn’t really fit into prayers like that. Tired felt like a lack of faith or willingness or passion for God. I’m starting to realize tired is just real. It’s not my job to assess whether or not I can give, or have enough to give, (that’s God’s call) but it is my job to listen very carefully, not just to hear people’s need, but to also hear how/when/what God is asking me to give.
When Jesus walked the dusty roads of Galilee, Jerusalem and Samaria, He didn’t heal everyone. He didn’t teach at every single synagogue. He didn’t visit everyone’s house. He didn’t go to everyone’s wedding. He only went and did what the Father told Him to. So why would we expect that we’re supposed to do “everything” if our very own Jesus didn’t?
If you’re tired today, it’s OK. Take some time to lean into your Father and reassess where, when and how He wants you to give. But let yourself off the hook and don’t beat yourself up for the simple fact of being tired. You’re allowed.