Originally published Wednesday, 11 July 2018.
Last week a beautiful thing happened—a friend dropped by. No planning, no consulting our schedules to pencil in a playdate in six weeks pending the weather, possible illness, and the unforeseen mishaps that are bound to happen. Just a knock at the door.
As we sat amidst my laundry, watching little ones play we chatted about life. As we took breaks to feed children or put a grumpy baby to bed, we coached the littles on friendship 101. Don’t pinch. Give her space. You can play with it when she is done. Gentle. Be slow to anger, she didn’t realize that hurt you. Yelling isn’t how we talk to our friends.
It is good advice for us all.
Later, they will learn to keep confidences, cheer one another on, and be includers. To care for one another’s broken hearts, and forgive one another.
One another is really what friendship is about. As Christians, friendship is not simply based on common interests or places in life, but on the fact that as followers of Jesus we are family. Beyond stage of life, race, or ambition we are called to relationship. Because of this, the one another includes the other.
" Love one another with {Sisterly} affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:10
While the Bible doesn’t have a top 10 list of friendship do’s and don’ts, when I think about the way a family should treat one another, I continue to gain more insight into how redeemed sister-friendship works.
1. Come as you are
…But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
There is no need to clean yourself up to join the family, and we shouldn’t permit the facade of perfection to remain within our friendships. Family gets to see all sides of you: morning bedhead, messy room, the struggling, and succeeding. There is a vulnerability in sharing your real life, and this is exactly where we begin to connect deeply with one another as sister-friends. Past the Pinterest projects and small talk is the part of your soul made for real inter-dependence.
2. Confess
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. James 5:16
I vividly remember the first time I sat across from a friend and confessed an area I’d been struggling that I hoped to never say out loud. Years later, I don’t remember even what I actually confessed, but I remember the deep relief and healing I felt as she said out loud that God had already forgiven me and she forgave me as well. We need people in our lives who can tell us the truth, hear us out, and pray for us.
Tim Keller reminds us that "Martin Luther opened the Reformation by nailing the 'Ninety-five Theses' to the door of Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany. The very first of the theses stated that 'our Lord and Master Jesus Christ . . . willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.'” Indeed, we are people who not only say we are in need of the change God can bring in our life on day one of following Jesus but also on every day after that. In our relationships, this means we are to be sisters and friends who are real about the places we are struggling and are pointing one another back to the good news of the gospel.
3. Forgiveness
…bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Colossians 3:13
Friendship has a certain quality of commitment that is never stated in vows, signed on a legal document, or even agreed upon in a conversation. Instead, day in and day out we begin to do the things that make relationships last and slowly a foundation is built. Part of that foundation must be forgiveness or the relationship will not stand the test of time. People do fail, and no one but Jesus is perfect. We are able to forgive one another because we know that God has forgiven us.
4. I’m With You
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15
As sisters we hold front row seats to each other’s life. We must cheer each other on both in times of joy and pain. I find that most people are great at half of this verse. We have the encouraging cheerleader party thrower types who celebrate well when a friend gets a promotion, begins a romantic relationship, has a baby, or is just excited for the new hobby she started. On the other hand, there are the mercy-filled empathetic types who sit and weep with those struggling with illness, infertility, loss of a job, disappointment, or marriage trouble. We default to one side but miss out if we don’t learn to give both rejoicing and weeping.
5. You Have a Gift
For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them. Romans 12 :4-6a
For some reason, it is difficult to see in ourselves the ways that God has made us and gifted us. We need our sisters to point out how they see God at work through us, and how our gifts are needed. So next time you see a friend excelling at something, let them know. Because we are not alone in this journey. We were designed to encourage, help, and serve those whom God loves, those He created in His image. We were designed to love one another.
Holly is a wife of 7 years as well as mom to a teenager (by adoption) and a child she’ll meet in heaven. She’s been a foster mom to 10 kids in the last 3 years and works part-time as a church bookkeeper. She loves interacting with people who are hungry for change and ready to see God at work in their lives. She studied Intercultural Studies at Corban University and loves to build bridges between cultures and people.
Images found at Pixabay
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