Jennifer Kostick– Jennifer has been married for twenty-three years to her high school sweetheart, Paul. She is the mother of three children, Paul IV (22), Samuel (6), and Grace (6). She also has six babies residing in heaven. It is those six tiny souls who have propelled her into women’s ministry. She is a conference speaker and author of the book Nothing to Hold but Hope (one woman's journey through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility). Jennifer blogs at www.Jenniferkostick.com and is passionate about encouraging women through a godly message of mercy and hope.
Hi, Friend! Just in case you haven’t noticed, I took a little blogging break over the last week and a half. We went on a family vacation where I desperately needed to recharge. It was wonderful. Thank you to those who reached out via email to ask if I was okay. It’s nice to know you care, and I appreciate you!
I’ve been praying about what to write. Sometimes, even after a week of relaxation, it’s difficult to find where to start again. To be truthful, I’m a little perplexed about how I’m feeling. There’s a restless type of determination to run hard after God knowing that He has something in store, but I don’t know what it is.
Have you ever felt that way? Like there is a change waiting in the current flow of life but you can’t exactly put your finger on what? I want to lace up my running shoes and just chase God until my heart is pounding and my lungs hurt. I know that isn’t necessarily the most appealing image, but I want nothing more than to feel alive in the presence of God in a brand new way. I need it. My soul is shouting at me from the inside out to go. Just run.
Here’s the problem: I don’t know where I’m supposed to be going, and if I begin running, I’m not sure what direction to move.
When I was away, I posted the following as my Facebook status:
Life isn’t black and white, and the road ahead isn’t always clear. Actually, right where we are standing isn’t exactly honest and open.
Some say it’s gray, but I don’t buy that either. Life is a palette of colors. They can be vibrant and bright or washed out and faded. If we’re not careful, the colors have a habit of running into one another and separating themselves from what’s intended. If not kept in focus, they can be chameleon-like and cause a divagation of thoughts.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about the blur of colors. Everyone has their own opinions and are taking it upon themselves to state what God’s opinion is. I’m not just discussing the Supreme Court’s redefinition of marriage. I’m talking about any struggle people are enduring and trying to fix themselves.
We seem to be people who are relentless at working to get things done our way. Maybe it’s a crack in our marriages, relationships with our children, friendships, or inability to see worth in our lives. We work to repair rather than prayerfully wait for redirection and spiritual rescue.
Right now, I’m sitting in a beach chair positioned in the sand. I’m looking around in wonder at the beauty God declared with His voice – thinking of how His breath bellows against the waters and controls the motion of the sea. I’m in awe that His palm is large enough to fit each struggle we face tightly inside. His grip is unfathomably strong.
From where I’m sitting, the sand is tan, the sea is turquoise, the sky is a brilliant shade of blue, and above it all there is One God on the throne watching. And, when I say watching, I don’t mean helplessly.
He’s breathing, living, in control, majestic and as mighty as He was the moment He spoke this beauty into existence. There is no separation or running together of the brilliance He declared.
Whatever your worries, whatever your circumstances might entail, The mighty color of His love is enough to cover it ALL.
Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (See Romans 8:38)
Those who overcome have been given a promise, and nothing has the power to steal it away.
Keep on serving, friend. Keep believing. Keep looking toward the brilliant colors of promise. It’s for you. He created it with you in mind. He loves you.
Today, as I reread the words I wrote a week ago, I’m reminded that His promises hold strong. They are beautiful and worth the restless pursuit of upcoming change. We might have a difficult time identifying it, but His mystery should be held with beautiful anticipation of what’s to come.
The ability to hold faith, trust, and hope in a supreme God who loves us can only be defined as tender mercy. His path is perfect, even if we aren’t sure where to step next.
I know I seem to be unloading a lot of thoughts on you today. Abigail Adams said, “My bursting heart must find vent at my pen.”
My heart is bursting with the hope of following hard after God in a brand new way. I wish you could hear the passion in my voice, but since we can’t meet face-to-face, I pray the passion of my heart cracks wide open and translates His hope to you.
Talk soon, friend.