What to Do When Your Spouse Rejects You

What to Do When Your Spouse Rejects You

“I wanted to die,” my friend said as she dabbed tears. “I never expected he’d cheat on me. I never, ever saw it coming. I asked him if he still loved me,” she said in the midst of sobs, “and he said he stopped loving me a long time ago.”

Her anguish is one that rips millions of hearts today. Rejection sears, crumbles our world, leaves us stunned and shakes our security.

When we give it our all, expect acceptance and appreciation, but get rejection instead, the pain sears, reaching the depths of our soul. And when we try to make sense of it all, rather than peace, self-blame adds to the heartache.

But there is an answer. My friend’s plight didn’t end in disaster. She took the steps necessary and made room for God to do His mighty work of restoration.

Whether the rejection is from a spouse or anyone else we trusted, we can follow these seven steps:

Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

  • 1. Reject the Enemy’s Attacks.

    1. Reject the Enemy’s Attacks.

    The fury and indignation was directed to her husband. She so wanted to change him, make him see his wrong ways, stir guilt in him so he would see God’s disapproval.

    She was convinced that God’s plans were good plans. His will was to have a healthy marriage, thriving with love and understanding. Thus, if those were God’s plans. It was the enemy who was stealing that from them. He was the one who was killing their trust and was determined to destroy their relationship.

    Her prayers changed from, “Lord, why us?” To “In the name of Jesus, I declare God’s victory over the enemy’s attack on my confidence, my security and my marriage.”

    “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

    Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

  • 2. Develop a New Habit.

    2. Develop a New Habit.

    Nights with pillows wet with tears ended. She saturated her heart with God’s Word and embraced the truth that declared God’s love, His everlasting love for her.

    Husband or not, marriage or not, God would never change His love for her. And to exercise that promise, day after day, she created a new habit to delete negative, destructive thoughts. As she erased thoughts of anger and disbelief, she quickly replaced them with notions of reassurance that God would do beyond what she imagined.

    “And to know this love that surpasses knowledge--which you may be filled to the measure “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” Ephesians 3:19

    Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

  • 3. Define Your Identity.

    3. Define Your Identity.

    Initially, her husband’s rejection had left her lost, dreading the possibility of being a single mom, a divorced woman or be labeled a failure

    But God’s Word said she was none of these. She received the identity she was in God’s eyes—the daughter of the King, loved and cherished.

    And as God’s child, she first trusted, not in someone else’s love, but in God’s love first.

    That’s why peace visited her more often. She declared that as a child of God, His love would be enough—more than enough. The love no one or nothing could take away from her.

     “I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:38-39

    Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

  • 4. Look Beyond the Circumstance.

    4. Look Beyond the Circumstance.

    When she first experienced the rejection, her nights had been restless with the uncertainty of the future. She fretted about the outcome of her marriage. She worried about doing or saying the wrong thing.

    Admittedly, she was caught in the snare of worry. She had analyzed every detail. She watched her husband’s every move and she would dwell on the situation with no rest.

    But only when she chose to take her focus off those details of the circumstance, and instead resolved to focus on God and God alone, her anxiety diminished.

    “My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare.” Psalm 25:15 

    Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

  • 5. Exchange Guilt for Hope.

    5. Exchange Guilt for Hope.

    Oh, how she had fought the nagging guilt. Could she have done something to cause the rejection? Did she fail him in anyway? Wasn’t she good enough anymore? And, could she ever be?

    Those thoughts of self-condemnation nagged when she least expected. And she even entertained notions that God was punishing her for mistakes she made years ago.

    Not so, God still came through to remind her that her hope is in Him. His mercy is extended to her. And His grace covers her now. It did in the past, and it will in all her tomorrows.

    “…teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD.” Psalm 25:4-7

    Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

  • 6. Increase Prayer and Praise.

    6. Increase Prayer and Praise.

    Although the situation wasn’t resolved yet, her heart was. Nights were calm and her days were filled with more diligent prayer and more words that aligned with God’s Word.

    With renewed confidence, her thoughts were free from dark notions and hope for victory filled her heart.

    She thanked God for the outcome. And although there was no visible evidence, she thanked Him for what He was already doing in her husband’s heart. She also thanked God for the change He created in her.

     “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 4

    Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

  • 7. Expect the Best.

    7. Expect the Best.

    Using God’s wisdom, she declared the rejection from her husband had been a re-direction for her to change, to grow and to become more secure in Christ.

    The pain of rejection didn’t sear anymore. She trusted in God’s victorious promise that He would never reject her. On the contrary, He would be an ever-present help to her.

    The change gave fruit. Her husband saw the transformation in her. He opened up and began communicating once again. And counseling revealed areas they both worked on.

    Going forward, she vowed to put her trust in God and in Him alone. The source of her joy became the Lord. And as her worries decreased her confidence in God’s promise increased.

    “… blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7

    Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

    Janet Perez Eckles is an international speaker and author of four books. In one of her releases, “Simply Salsa,” she invites you to see the simplicity of God’s plan for living with joy in spite of life’s darkest moments. Read the first chapter here: www.giftfromjanet.com