6 Ways to Become a Proverbs 31 Woman

Alicia Searl

Contributing Writer
Published Jan 02, 2024
6 Ways to Become a Proverbs 31 Woman

The iconic Proverbs 31 woman. You know, the one that has a doting husband and children who do everything they are told because they simply adore her. This must be what inspires her to get up at the crack of dawn, fashionably dressed while tending to her humble abode and joyfully serving a hearty breakfast of homemade cinnamon rolls to her little darlings before heading out to work her multiple jobs. Of course, she still makes plenty of time to lend a helping hand at her favorite local charity and cheerfully drops off donations, supplies, and toys at the animal shelter, then chooses to adopt that lonesome beagle with the sad puppy eyes. She is known by all for her tenacity, diligence, loyal heart, kindness, graciousness, etc. Of course, her faith is an interweaving force that drives her, and her precious family gives her complete, uninterrupted time to peacefully dig wholeheartedly into His Word.

Phew! This is our depiction of a biblical "virtuous" woman and the one we all attain to be. Her selfless acts, hard-working spirit, and humble heart are often lovingly discussed in the women's ministry. Her attributes are often slathered across coffee mugs and t-shirts, and countless devotionals have been written about her. She is well-known in practically every Christian circle and admired by many.

I'll admit, this praiseworthy and faithful woman is quite impressive and has a pretty nice track record, but the truth of the matter is - she doesn't exist. In short, the Proverbs 31 woman merely depicts a faithfully devoted woman who enjoys serving the Lord by loving those around her with a fierce passion. And, while she may be a shining example to live by, what we don't see in this Proverbs is much room for space and lots (and lots) of grace – a.k.a. human error, brought on by sin.

Let me just clarify and say that if the Proverbs 31 woman was an actual real woman, you can bet she would struggle with the same issues we all face. She'd more than likely grow frustrated (and have a few choice words) when her husband stepped in the house with muddy boots on her freshly mopped floor. She would probably battle with bouts of anger when her precious children didn't act so precious, and she'd feel discouraged when her clothes didn't fit, making sweatpants her ultimate go-to "modest" outfit. Yet, God would have still met with her in each and every one of those moments, extending His mercy and grace because that's what He does!

Sweet sis, being a Proverbs 31 woman isn't about being faithfully perfect; it's about placing our trust in the only One that gives us our identity as women and tucks within our hearts a precious purpose. So, take heart, and together, let's discover some ways to become a little like the Proverbs 31 woman while also embracing the gift of God's grace.

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happy woman reading Bible with coffee at table

1. Seek After God's Heart

If we really want to become more like the Proverbs 31 woman, the first step is to love God with our whole heart, mind, soul, and strength (Mark 12:30). What exactly does that look like? It's basically loving all the things that God loves.

The Lord loves truth, righteousness, and justice (Psalm 33:5). He loves His creation, meaning all those who love Him and obey His commandments (Deuteronomy 7:9) and even those who don't (1 John 4:10-11). He loves those who place their trust in Him (Proverbs 3:5-6) and abide in Him. He loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7). He loves those who pursue godliness, faith, love, and gentleness (1 Timothy 6:11)

Discovering Who God is and understanding what He loves (and what He detests) helps us to please Him with our lives and grow in an intimate relationship with Him. Through earnest prayers, finding truth in His Word, and praising Him for all He is and has done, we can love Him with our all and seek His heart.

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new mother holding baby

2. Embrace Your Role as a Wife and Mother

God has a beautiful design and purpose for our roles within the family. Therefore, He has a unique way that a woman contributes to her family. While God created us to be strong, resilient, and resourceful, He also made us to be gentle, tender, and nurturing.

It is often said that women are the "heart of the home." I would have to agree with that. Not because we are all busy homemakers or whipping up meals like Martha Stewart, but because we have a knack for making a home filled with love and can tend to our family's needs in a unique and special way.

If we want to become more like the image of the Proverbs 31 woman in our family, then we must come alongside our husbands and help and offer support, because they do need us (Proverbs 31:11-12, Genesis 2:18). We choose to also speak highly of our guy and respect the role that God gave them in the family (Proverbs 31:23, Ephesians 5:23). As a mother, we can provide comfort, encourage, and serve our children while fostering their faith, until they are grown (Proverbs 31:26-28)

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Kind woman smiling; remaining in Christ brings fruitfulness.

3. Tend to Your Virtuous Beauty

Now to the topic of beauty. Truth be told, we live in a world that is marked by filters and flawless images that are truly taking a toll on our mental health and damaging the precious nature of our hearts. Studies have shown that the impact on our overall emotional wellness has been rapidly declining in the last five years, and many are blaming it on the lack of transparency.

So, how do we combat this? Better yet, as we raise our own daughters, how do we instill in them the basis of virtuous beauty over outer beauty?

Well, as faithful believers, we have an amazing opportunity to be one of the greatest influencers in the lives of our family, as well as online. It's all in how we present ourselves. Sure, we can dress in cute and modest clothes, slap Bible verses all over our social media page, and even remove the filters if we so desire, but it is honestly so much more than that.

A truly beautiful woman carries herself in a way that exhibits grace, kindness, poise, and confidence. She speaks with gentleness and serves from a posture of love (1 Peter 3:3-4). It begins with tending to our heart and letting our inner beauty flow from it.

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Woman cleaning and organizing home

4. Be a Cheerful Giver

Oh, the cheerful giver! Here she comes again. The girl with a pep in her step and a wide smile smeared across her face, all while holding a basket of goodies ready to be shared. This image can either be one you relate to or cause you to revert to your teen years and cause a serious eye roll.

We all know of the girl that just has the ability to give and enjoys it. Maybe that girl is you! Sweet friend, let me be clear: God does love a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:6-8). But what are the expectations here exactly? And just how do we become this Proverbs 31 cheerful giver? Is it more than opening our arms to the poor and giving to the needy (Proverbs 31:20)?

Whether we give of our talents, efforts, time, or extend a gracious financial donation, we must submit to the tug of the Holy Spirit. While it could be helping at a local charity, it could just as easily be giving within your own social circles, such as happily helping your child with their schoolwork or spending time with a friend in need.

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Proverbs 31 Woman

5. Serve with a Gracious Heart

Having two teenagers in my house, I am learning to perfect the art of serving – with a gracious heart. If I am being honest, sometimes I serve, but there is a low grumble that comes right along with it. Ugh.

I wonder if the Proverbs woman, with all her chores and constant service, would have ever grown weary and tired. Would she have harbored a bit of resentment for piled up dishes in the sink or clothes that didn't get put away after multiple reminders to do so? Would she have gone ahead and done it all instead – with a gracious heart?

A beautiful, wise, and extremely servant-hearted gracious woman, whom I lovingly call my mother, once told me this – you don't do things for your family because you "have" to; you do things for your family because you "want" to. That's the difference. That is where the gracious heart comes in. We serve our family because it is an honor and privilege to do so.

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Happy single woman in home sipping coffee

6. Walk with Purpose

Whoa! If you have read to this last point, you must be thinking that this Proverbs 31 woman sets the bar pretty high, and maybe you have no idea how you will even come close. If this feels daunting and the thought of it all overwhelms you, then welcome to the club.

However, let's pause for just a bit and realize that God isn't expecting perfection. He isn't asking us to complete all these tasks, or else we won't get the "Mom of the Year" award. He simply asks us to surrender it all and submit to Him, recognizing that His way for us is so much better. He wants us to pursue His heart so we can embrace our roles as women, tend to our virtuous beauty, and give and serve with a humble heart.

God is simply asking us to walk with purpose! We also must realize that as great as the Proverbs 31 woman is to lead and guide us, offering a beautiful example, we don't emulate her; we emulate Christ. Where the Proverbs 31 woman is merely an image and depiction of a faithful woman, that is all she is. Meanwhile, Christ lived and walked on this earth with a mission and purpose to make His Father known. Now, He lives inside of each of us, and we can continue to carry out that mission and walk with dignity, truth, and grace.

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Alicia SearlAlicia Searl is a devotional author, blogger, and speaker that is passionate about pouring out her heart and pointing ladies of all ages back to Jesus. She has an education background and master’s in literacy.  Her favorite people call her Mom, which is why much of her time is spent cheering them on at a softball game or dance class. She is married to her heartthrob (a tall, spiky-haired blond) who can whip up a mean latte. She sips that goodness while writing her heart on a page while her puppy licks her feet. Visit her website at aliciasearl.com and connect with her on Instagram and Facebook.

Originally published Thursday, 04 January 2024.