Ahh, the back-and-forth battle of social media. It never ceases, does it? One minute you are drawn in by that all too familiar ding that declares you have a notification, and then all bets are off, and you find yourself scrolling mindlessly for the next two hours. Grrr! Let the time warp begin!
Here's the thing… Sure, social media has its advantages. After all, you get to connect with Sally Sou across the country and send those hysterical cat memes to your sister at 2 a.m. when you can’t seem to catch a wink. I mean who doesn’t love that? However, on the flip side, these platforms are meant (and designed) to pull you in, snag your attention (dang all those cute puppy reels), and keep it until you are ready to throw your phone down and say, “Enough!”
So, here's where I was met with “Enough!” I am a mom of three daughters. Many days are rough around here. Not gonna lie. If you have kids maybe you can relate. Okay, that was meant to be funny, kind of. But in all honesty, the past two years have been quite bumpy between losing my mom suddenly and then raising two teenagers. Now, I'm losing my mind. That said, any post pertaining to grief or how to raise daughters, especially teens, grabs not only my attention but also my heart.
Yet, after a while, I noticed between the overflowing flood of posts and endless (ruthless) comments, I was getting sucked into a type of “mom culture” that seemed, well, off. You know how social media “suggests” others for you to follow? Well, I went down that rabbit hole.
Can we just be real and honest about motherhood for a hot minute? Being a mom is sometimes lonely. It is sometimes really, painfully, and brutally hard. It generally brings about more emotions than you ever thought possible. It makes you question – everything. This is why we are continually searching for answers. You know, to the important questions in life like: How long should my baby sleep at this age? Does my ten-year-old need to eat more veggies? How can I clean my house in twenty minutes? How can I get my teen to actually talk to me without all the eye rolls?
Sometimes, other social media moms have those answers. They have wisdom because they have been there and done that. And it’s great! After all, we are better together.
Unfortunately, there is another side to social media. A side that has given way to an unsettling trend that I truly believe is hurting us as moms. It’s a place that breeds belittling, shaming, condemning, and chastising. It’s a place that stokes fear, anger, confusion, and comparisons. This is the place where toxicity runs rampant, and we need to stay away at all costs.
The bottom line is this: If a mom on social media isn’t helping you be a better form of yourself or, better yet, helping you grow closer to Christ, like the sweet friendships that are mentioned in Proverbs 27:9, then it may be time to sever ties.
Beware of these four toxic-mom types you should avoid on social media:
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1. The Conspiracy Mom
A lot is going on these days. I get it. After all, we are trying to figure out these “Twilight Zone” times we are living in. In all honesty, I have followed quite a few of these “wise” moms to get a better grasp on what's going on in this crazy world of ours. While many of these mommas may have good intentions and even be correct, Scripture warns that we must tread lightly here.
The reason to be careful is twofold. First, such knowledge can stoke fear and confusion. Truth be told, some things are just better left not knowing. That means trusting God. Scripture actually tells us to guard our hearts and minds (Proverbs 4:23). The other concern is the eye-opening comment section... I’m just going to leave it at that and say stay guarded when it comes to following these moms.
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2. The Pharisee Mom
The judgy mom. We all know her. Maybe we are her—gasp! I admit I fall into this category at times. I think we all can. Ugh. The point here is that these moms may essentially mean well but can come across as, how do you say, “holier than thou…”?
The other day, I read a post from a not self-proclaimed “Pharisee mom” who claimed parents who allow their children to listen to Taylor Swift are demonic. Wow! That hit my heart like a ton of bricks as a mom with three daughters who listen to her music. Talk about feeling like a complete failure at that moment. Yet, this mom, most likely my age, probably grew up listening to Madonna and Cyndi Lauper, or maybe she didn’t, but I surely did, and guess what? I still love Jesus—a lot! All I have to say is thank goodness we serve a God who knows the nature of our hearts and is full of abundant grace and mercy (Psalm 145:8-9)!
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3. The "Passionate" Mom
The gym rat. The granola or wholistic mom. These moms have a passion for something, and they gladly share it! Sure, many of these mommas are awesome and have a rather informative page. After all, what mom doesn’t want to know how to get rid of the “mommy pooch” or get their kids to eat broccoli pasta? But the reality of it is this – sometimes, reality kicks in, and that dreaded sense that screams, “I am not enough” resounds every so softly in your trying-so-hard momma heart.
Hello, comparisons!
Let’s face it, we must know our own weaknesses and limitations because if we don’t, we will fall into this dark hole of feeling like we have to be somebody that we’re not! The truth of the matter is that we are to boast about our weaknesses, as it reminds us of our humanness and of God’s greatness (2 Corinthians 12:9)!
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4. The Influencer Mom
This is the mom who shares it all. She bears her heart and soul and has tons of pictures to prove it. The “mom-influencer” or "boss mom," as she is so lovingly called, is simply adorable and has precious little people who love to take pictures as they go about their everyday adventures. Her millions of followers lead you to believe she must be worth following. Right? Well, not so fast.
The truth is that these moms give us a source of validation. And, isn’t that what we all want? To know that we aren’t alone on this often-crazy journey of motherhood. However, our validation shouldn’t be coming from other moms, especially online, as it is merely one-sided and consists of “them.” Our paths may be vastly different, as God may direct us to do something completely different (Jeremiah 29:11). So, while some mom influencers may be great and all, we must ask ourselves, how are these moms actually “influencing” us?
Sweet momma friend, the social media world can be a tricky one to navigate. Keep in mind that as great as social media can be at connecting us with some pretty great moms all over the globe and offering pearls of wisdom, there is a dark side to be aware of. Remember that there is absolutely no substitute for real-life experiences. Sitting with a friend at a coffee shop swapping stories while your littles run around is sweeter than you know, so cherish those moments. Many hugs, sweet momma!
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Originally published Thursday, 22 February 2024.
