Most articles speaking about adultery state poor communication, unhappiness, and lack of intimacy in a marriage as the reasons for infidelity. This may be true for some but when I was searching for resources on the Internet for my adulterous marriage, I never felt writers understood what I was really experiencing.
We sought marriage counseling, only to be told our communication was mainly fine and we seemed very happy – when we did actually spend time together. The unhappiness only started after I found out that my husband had broken his vows to love, honor, and cherish and then tried to gaslight me to believe that I was crazy to think he was cheating and lying about it. And any hurt feelings I had about his destructive behaviors weren’t allowed because that meant I was unforgiving and judgmental.
Furthermore, the first of several affairs happened while we were actively trying to conceive a child. I found out I was pregnant just days after he announced he was in love with his secretary and divorcing me to marry her. I felt the deep hurt of betrayal trauma. It ended up ruining my marriage because I could no longer stay on the emotional roller coaster of repeated adultery. This habitual pattern was physically killing me.
There are many reasons for infidelity in marriage but there are never any excuses. Adultery is not a misstep, oversight, or a mistake. It is a series of deliberate choices and sins that one person chooses to make. Some affairs start for the obvious reasons but today I’m sharing the unexpected reasons, the ones very few Christians talk about. I know this topic well because I survived it for more than a decade.