About Relationships

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What Are You Looking For in a Husband?

What Are You Looking For in a Husband?

What type of guy do you think is worth crushing on?

I have to laugh as I look back at the progression of my crushes. My first came at twelve: Zac Efron. The moment I looked into his blue eyes as he sang “Start of Something New” on High School Musical, I knew he was the one. (Little- known fact: He was actually singing that song to me, not Gabriella.) With his shaggy brown hair, nice biceps, and that voice, Zac captured my attention. I knew right then I would end up either with Zac or a guy just like him. I wouldn’t settle for anyone mediocre- looking from that point on. Zac set the standard.

In high school, sports became the biggest factor. Any guy wearing a sports uniform was attractive. If he played basketball and had brown eyes, I was sold. If he played football— done deal.

Transitioning from high school to college, I was all about the dad bod on an overly confident frat boy who drove a nice car. I still can’t explain why it became a thing to have a guy whose body revealed that while he went to the gym occasionally, he also didn’t hesitate to eat an extra slice of pizza. Regardless of the reason, I went through that period knowing without a doubt that “the one” would be an outgoing guy who wore top- tier frat letters.

Trends and fads change what we consider attractive. Even recently a friend asked what I wanted my husband to look like. Without thinking, I blurted, “I have no clue, but he better be attractive!” Actually, if I had taken just a second before responding, I would have said six- foot- two with brown hair and, preferably, a six- pack. He’d have a crazy cool job that would allow me to share in the perks and us to be financially stable for life.

For most of my life, I’ve allowed myself to admire men for their looks and possessions. Even now, too often, that is how I define attractive.

Through the years, as the traits I’ve looked for in a guy have changed, I’ve set my standards by listening to what the world says is attractive rather than what my heart says. But now I know. I know that looks fade and if I keep chasing after boys who are hot, I am simply wasting my time and emotions, and I’m almost guaranteed to end up crying again over a boy who didn’t love me like Jesus. It took me a while to realize my physical appearance didn’t determine my worth, but it took me even longer to realize that men’s physical appearance also didn’t determine their worth.

My heart knows what I should find attractive. A guy who smiles a lot, loves well, prays a prayer of thanks before the meal, and tips the waiter well because he wants to be a blessing. Even better, being in his presence makes those around him feel the love of Christ. He’s attractive because he makes you belly- laugh and want to dance even when there’s no music— all while challenging you every day to grow into the woman God created you to be. I used to think I wanted to marry a guy whose arms show how much he’s been lifting at the gym. Now, I want a guy whose arms are reaching out to help others. If his legs aren’t perfectly toned, that’s fine as long as they are willing go where the Lord leads them. Eye color doesn’t matter. It does matter whether his eyes look for the good in others instead of the attractive things of this world. His words should be filled with compassion, loving all people, and never used for destruction. He’ll be the same guy on Friday night that he is in church on Sunday morning. The tears he’ll make me cry will be tears of joy. When he makes a mistake, he’ll admit it and ask for forgiveness. When I make a mistake and admit it, he’ll give grace. 

It won’t even matter if he can’t afford a rock for my ring finger, because He’s placed His foundation on the Rock. That’s a lengthy list! But we need to be looking for a lot in a

guy. It bothers me to see friends who “settle” in choosing a guy. They pick a guy who doesn’t treat them in a manner they deserve. They go for a guy who looks good but doesn’t respect them, and they wind up wasting tears on guys who don’t deserve their time. I’ve certainly crushed on my fair share of guys who weren’t worth my time. It wasn’t until recently that I’ve realized the importance of crushing on someone who crushes on God.

To all the girls who have boyfriends who crush on Jesus and genuinely love them, I pray that you will maintain a relationship that reflects the love of our Savior. Always remember that even if the guy is great and faithful, you need your Savior more than you need him. Let your relationship be one in which you chase Jesus together. Both of you should be dancing with him daily.

And to the girls like me who struggle with giving too much priority to a guy’s physical attraction, I pray you soon realize that looks fade with age. If he can’t make you smile, laugh, and feel challenged to be a better person now, then you won’t be happy for a lifetime.  Regardless of how many jerks you’ve dated and how many mistakes you have made, you are worthy of respect, true love, and a gentleman who places God first in His life.

Pray and wait patiently for him, because he is the type of guy to crush on. In the meantime, crush on God. Let Him show you His love. Let Him grasp your hand tightly and dance with you. Get used to the love given to you by the One who created you, and don’t settle until you find a guy who wants to love you with that same type of love.

Trust God for His timing, and you’ll be amazed at how your love story turns out.


Taken from Am I Enough? by Grace Valentine Copyright © 2018. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson.

Grace Valentine is a popular blogger who founded the Enough Movement. Her readers love the fact that she is young, ordinary, and relatable—they say her fresh voice helps them navigate their own faith and life. Grace’s mission is to help those who have struggled like she has to find their worth in Someone who truly is worth following. Grace graduated from Baylor University in 2018 with a degree in Journalism, and she is currently the Content and Curriculum Coordinator for the student ministry of First Baptist Orlando in Orlando, Florida.

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