3. “Sure, I guess this Bible study could still apply to singles…”
The number of Bible studies that are made for married people but seemingly try to recruit singles for the sake of numbers is quite discouraging. “Oh, sure. This Bible study could apply to singles, so come on, girl!”
This isn’t manipulative like the Paul’s fear tactic strategy. Instead, this is when the church truly wants to include you in their community but extends the wrong invitation. Thus, the party is a total bust.
Instead of joining a group that might be great for fellowship but isn't focused on your season of life, my advice would be to just keep on praying and mingling until you find a small group that’s dedicated to spiritually feed the life phase that you are in.
I’ve been in the church, in and out of enough small groups, long enough to know that Bible studies, small groups, life groups, etc. for married people are truly for married people. There’s lots of talk about working through finances with your partner, how to resolve arguments, how to keep the spark when kids are in the picture, how to have a healthy sex relationship—lots of marriage things that will leave you feeling even more left out.
Basic tip: just say, “No, thanks.”
4. "Your lack of sexual purity narrowed the pool"
The church worships purity. Abstaining from sex has become the pinnacle of the Christian faith—forget meeting others where they are, loving the outcast, gritting your teeth, swallowing pride, and truly forgiving the person you’d rather use as a dartboard. In the process of worshiping this one facet of the Christian lifestyle, we have made it the heaven or hell issue for everyone.
Our priorities are so upside down that we’ve taken on the role of judge, telling men—and especially women—that anything bad that happens after losing their virginity outside of wedlock just comes with the turf of being a scarlet letter.
Meanwhile, as we continue to throw the javelin at the “impure,” we’ve missed the one earthshaking command that Jesus gave as He walked with man, the one big statement that made the whole planet realize, “This guy is different”: Love the Lord your God with all of your heart… and love your neighbor as yourself. (Paraphrased from Matthew 22:37-39).
I was no saint while dating my husband, but I did hold onto my virginity until marriage. So, I don’t come from this at an angle of anger (mostly), but I come from this at an angle of hurt for those whom the church has placed eternal shame on when Jesus is standing there, waving His arms, dying for your attention so He can say, “Darling, there’s so much more to you than that. Come over here so I can love you.”
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