When we chase perfection, we miss the peace and wisdom God offers daily. Learn how one mom’s moment of fear led her to a better goal—not doing it all “just right,” but pointing her family to Jesus, step by step.
I remember leaving the hospital after the birth of our first child. I felt so many things, of course. My body had been through a lot, and my hormones were all out of whack. Mostly, though, I remember feeling fear. I was afraid that I would mess up. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to take care of this baby in the best way — afraid that I wouldn’t get things right the first time. I cried all the way home. There’s no telling what was going through my husband’s mind as we drove those few miles back to our house.
But I look back on this fear today, and I realize it was unfounded. I was putting an unhealthy pressure on myself to be perfect, and that approach is not at all realistic. I can’t do everything "just right,” but I can make a daily, central commitment to seek God’s strength, point my family to Jesus, and pray every day for wisdom and favor. As moms, we all need God’s help in this way. We need to remember that our call to “perfection” is a call, most importantly, to follow Christ — even at the cost of what we might consider perfection and success.
Paul writes to the Philippians, exhorting them to let go of everything except their commitment to Christ:
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. … For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.”
To Paul, this is perfection. But we can’t control it. We can’t ever really attain it, this side of heaven. But we can and we must pursue it.
“But one thing I do,” Paul continues: “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
This is a high calling. It’s the highest calling, in fact — and it can feel very far removed from our daily lives. But it’s important that we let it guide even the smallest, most mundane decisions we make.
The call to pursue Jesus extends, in its own small ways, to every decision we make as we raise our kids. It applies to how we wean our kids, how we teach them to sleep, how and when we potty train, where they go to school, who takes care of them, what they eat, and whether or not we move as a family for a new job or educational opportunity. The spirit of love, obedience, faithfulness, and peace will nurture our children through every decision we make for them if we chase Jesus first.
When we make these decisions, we just can’t rely on our own sense of what’s “right,” or what would be “perfect.” We have to give that up. We have to ask God what He thinks is right for us, and then listen to Him every step of the way. Worldly perfection just isn’t the goal. Following Jesus’ will for your family is the goal. There is a manual for how to raise your kids: It’s the Bible.
This posture can be tough to sustain when it’s a big decision like how to school your kids, or where to enroll them. I know this particular question is at the forefront of a lot of moms’ minds, now that the school year is preparing to start up again. And the way we figure that out is by staying connected to Jesus on the regular.
It is so normal to wonder whether we’re doing the right thing. We wonder whether other moms are doing something better — or, wrongly, we judge them for doing something we think is “worse.” The fact is, we can’t truly know what God wants for their families. We can only prayerfully discern what is right for our own family — and we’ll only know that if we let go of trying to be “perfect.”
Of course, letting go of being perfect requires a lot of humility. We have to admit, quite often, that we were wrong. We have to let go of a vision we had of ourselves, our lives or our abilities. And who loves admitting they were wrong? Not me! The more I do it, though, the easier I’ve found it gets.
I’ve also discovered ways to “reset” my whole family when I think we need to course-correct. One of the most important things you can do to help your family change direction — and move closer to Jesus— is by establishing a culture of clear, loving, consistent communication. For instance, we gave my daughter a smartphone when she turned 13. We thought it was the right age to get her one. Later, I read “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt and learned the sobering statistics about what smartphones are doing to our children. Smartphone use during early teen years can have dramatic, negative side effects on emotional and cognitive development. So we changed direction.
Our younger son, who turns 13 this fall, won’t get a phone until he’s older. He’s frustrated. But we’ve explained our position. We’ve heard him out. We’ve done everything we can to make sure he feels respected and loved, even though we had to change our minds. We didn’t need to be perfect. We needed to be honest, loving, and attentive to what was best for his development. Another practice to help your family pivot together is holistic “resets.” We have found that our family does this at the beginning of the year and in the fall.
I reflect on my kids’ development: What responsibilities and privileges should I make sure to extend to them? Are they thriving at their school? If not, what are our options to improve the situation? What do I need to teach them or discuss with them for this season of their lives? If you make adaptation a cornerstone of your family’s culture and communication, you build resilient kids and resilient relationships. So make some time this summer to take stock of your family’s needs.
Maybe you have one kid who needs to change schools. Maybe you’ve been homeschooling and need to look into a new curriculum or a different co-op. It’s OK if last year wasn’t a great one. It’s OK if you didn’t get it “right.” The hope is that we live and learn as we go and take the best next step as a result. God is right beside you as you make mistakes, giving you grace and second chances each step of the way. He doesn’t want perfection, He wants you to point your family to Him every day – no matter what that looks like.
God our Father, help us surrender more perfectly every day to your will. Help us love and guide our children and our families by the light of Your wisdom, not our own. Give us the grace and strength we need to release ourselves, every day, from all our broken ideas of perfection in order to perfectly love and pursue You.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/CliqueImages
Amy Lowe is the director of WinShape Camps for Girls and oversees WinShape Camps for Families. She has a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from Samford University and a Master of Arts in Theology from Fuller Theological Seminary. Like most other moms, her hobbies include laundry, running the robot vacuum, and unloading the dishwasher.
