I have been working on this one for a while, and as we head into Mother’s Day weekend, it's heavy on my heart for the women who have surrounded me during my own motherhood. Growing up thinking of weddings and being a mom, I never imagined I would have to do it without my own mom. This is exactly what we have had to do. We lost my mom to cancer in 2012 and were blessed with the twins in 2014. I do not think it’s a coincidence. My IVF procedure was a year to the day after her death, I found out I was pregnant a year to the day of her funeral, and they were born the day after her birthday. She had a hand in my motherhood for sure. Although she is no longer physically part of my village, she will always hold a sacred place within my heart. As we head into Mother’s Day weekend, some of you may have already lost your mom or may not have the best relationship with her, which has organically created the longing in our hearts to create a new family.
A village of our own making. The word village has Latin origin, meaning “a group of houses and associated buildings, larger than a hamlet and smaller than a town, situated in a rural area.” So, over the years, the definition has changed. Our villages went from putting the harvest in and hunting together to playdates at the mall and soccer drop-offs. Most often, these meetings of the mind involve coffee in the park and sentences between wrangling toddlers or looking for big kids to make sure they haven’t wandered too far off. Although they still share one thing in common. More than one mother is helping another. They say it takes a village; I heard that saying many years ago, before becoming a mother. And as a new mom, it’s something we're told or know: we cannot do it alone. After a decade of motherhood, the saying rings truer to me in many new ways. It doesn’t take a village to raise our babies; it takes a village to support us while we raise our babies. As I think back over the last decade, gosh, there have been so many seasons and times when my husband and I just felt truly blessed by the tribe we are surrounded by. You know the village we make as we go through life. The village you start with and add to as seasons change and titles get longer, or shorter, as last names change, and we celebrate births, grieve deaths, and toast to new homes or jobs together. It dawned on me recently that I have much to be grateful for, not only for the people we see in the day-to-day of our lives, but for the ones who have stood it out for us all along. I hope you feel that same gratitude as you read these words.
Man, the journey from girl to woman to wife to mother is as curvy as Lombard Street in San Francisco. Lots of twists and turns, lots of things you didn’t see coming, but oh, they are so beautiful looking back at it or driving on through. And sometimes it is not about where you’re going, but who you’re traveling with, isn’t it?
Lately, I have found myself deeply grateful to have been blessed with such a village. Such a random, makeshift village. I was not born into a big family. I made my family. I am so lucky to say that some of the women I still turn to today were girls I turned to when I was 12. Some of them today are brand-new blessings God has smiled down on me, as I was open to seeing what a gift they truly are.
What a gift they all are. I cannot imagine life without this village. As I recently unpacked all our books and photo albums, I saw them through so many seasons of my life. The ones that grew with me, that knew me then, that loved me then, that saw the whole ride from being a girl to a woman to a wife to a mother. They were there for all of it: the laughter, the tears, all of the growth that life stretches us all through. And I love them dearly for still being here. I more cherish the grit and tenacity of these friendships than gold.
And then there are the gems we pick up along the way when we weren’t even looking. Around corners and seasons where we thought we were good. We were determined to handle things from here. But God said, "No, you’re going to need this one." And right then and there, your village and heart grow.
Let’s not forget about the women who you got thrown into when you had kids. You know the ones, on the first days of school and dance classes. It’s so awkward to make friends as an adult, but these are in the thick of it with you, and you can bond with them like no other because they get you, the right now you. The you that hasn’t showered or had a sentence with another adult in way too long. Some of these women I knew from the start I was going to keep forever. And lucky me, they felt the same way.
All these women make up my village. The ones who have been on the road with me since I was 12, and the ones I was surprised God blessed me with. Even when we moved across the United States, he had women here who he knew would be part of this village, and I am so grateful for it. These women make me who I am and inspire me, motivate me, and remind me all the time that yes, it does take a village… not to raise our babies, but to enjoy raising a glass with. And that in this journey, it is so richer and fuller of flavor if we do it together. If we step outside our comfort zones and share with these women who we really are, and what’s really going on under that mom life baseball cap or sunglasses. To be authentic and loved is the ultimate gift in friendship.
I am so grateful for my village—all of you. I may not be able to talk to or see you as often as I would like because, let’s face it, raising kids, homeschooling, being a wife, and working a job is a lot. But you all keep me going, and when we do get together, it’s that much better because I know it's special. So, keep going, ladies, and when things are hard or dark, know my number, know that you are not alone. I am here for whatever we need to get ourselves back in line with God's plan for this ride. I am here for all of it. And thank you for being here, too. In saying that, let me also add Why don’t we see each other more? Can we normalize invites into chaos, and not just wait until events or special occasions? Don't worry about our homes, our mental state, or our kids’ behavior; invite each other in.
This Mother’s Day weekend, celebrate your motherhood and the women who help make you your best self. I will be thinking and praying over all of you who make me who I am. And I promise to reach out with an invite soon. BYOR Bring your own Rake… count?
Ecclesiastes 11:4 reminds us, “Farmers who wait for the perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest. “Let us not tuck these amazing villages into a cabinet in our heart and forget about them. Let them in. Invite them to sit on the couch, drink our coffee, share our stress, joy, and pain. Share with us what they are going through in their homes, what they are doing on their land, and with their families, and let us show them what we are doing within ours. Who knows, maybe we can even tackle some projects together. After all, what’s that saying: “It takes a village.”
Photo credit: ©Pexels/Elina Fairytale
Kimberly Trigo has always loved writing. It started with poetry when she was a teenager. Kimberly just returned to banking after being a stay-at-home Mama to twins. Her and her husband recently relocated to Tennessee from California and built a barndo. They stay busy with soccer, youth groups, bible studies, as well as helping at church with kids ministries. Kimberly wears lots of hats but her most favorite hat of all is motherhood.
