Mothers... have the privilege of modeling sacrificial servant leadership... We lead by example, and through cultivating their capacities for relational tenderness and mental and emotional fortitude.
Today’s boys are struggling by nearly every metric. Boys are less likely than girls to graduate from high school, college, or earn a master's degree. Boys are also struggling with purposelessness and loneliness.
Why?
Culture diminishes the foundational role of family and parents. From “children’s” books espousing X-rated material, to more subtle but insidious lies on TV, social media, and even in schools—parents must be vigilant and committed to intentionally forming our kids. This is true for all kids, but let’s talk about boys specifically.
Our culture is launching an attack on masculinity and the unique importance of boyhood. Raising boys does not always mean baseball and bugs. But just because a few gender stereotypes aren’t universal doesn’t mean that we reject every difference between males and females. God’s design for male and female is a gift. Strong, godly men are the backbone of a flourishing world. Good men provide for, protect, and serve their families in irreplaceable ways. The design for family is beautifully harmonious. Unfortunately, boys today are surrounded by accusations that their very existence is toxic, are told that their biological makeup is a problem and that the future is female. It’s time for a mom huddle.
All cultural moments have pressed on various aspects of Christianity, forcing believers to slow down and discern what is true versus what is culturally concocted. Today, many Christian parents feel immense pressure to bow to the cultural idea that the differences between boys and girls aren’t real. This assertion is false.
What does it mean to raise up boys in this cultural moment? Is a mom’s job to serve as our child’s genie, maid, and personal chicken-nugget chef? Are we on a mission to grant every whim and wish, or are we working to slough off his sinful tendencies, teach objective truth, and affirm his identity as assigned by a good God?
If we aren’t careful, in an effort to be inclusive and loving, we will open our minds so wide that common sense falls out. The erasure of boyhood is harmful both to our sons as individuals and to society as a whole.
Our boys need us to teach them what is true about who they are—and what isn’t. They need us to help build strong men of godly character. We can start from square one.
Real masculinity means developing and deploying the skills and courage to protect, provide, and serve others. You’ll find examples of this throughout the Bible. Noah worked diligently to build that ark in obedience to God, protecting and providing for his family. Young David courageously and faithfully battled a giant to serve God. Boaz generously shared his wealth with widows in his community. Paul developed skills to provide for himself so that he was not a financial burden on society but was economically self-sufficient. There is a lifetime of lessons about masculinity to glean from and emulate in Scripture. For the sake of space, we’ll end with the ultimate, perfect example of masculinity—Jesus, who came not to be served, but to serve.
If you’re interested in cultivating your young boys to become strong men, harnessing your unique power as a mom to impact your son, I want to help you with that.
The Power of an Intentional Mom
Mothers are uniquely attuned to their sons—we have the privilege of modeling sacrificial servant leadership to our boys. We lead by example, and through cultivating their capacities for relational tenderness and mental and emotional fortitude. Dads have an irreplaceable impact on their sons, to be sure. But moms are privileged to clock more minutes with our kids. Let’s make them count!
After working with educators, parents, and researching trends in today’s kids, I’ve identified eight areas for moms to cultivate their boys. Experts have been cranking out evidence showing specific areas of current need. I’ve condensed those here, in a non-boring way.
These are eight critical needs of growing up that—due to cultural changes—boys aren’t getting:
1. Belonging. Boys today are increasingly lonely. How can mothers cultivate a strong sense of belonging in the hearts of their sons?
2. Relationship. Two-thirds of young men surveyed said “no one really knows me.” How can you help your son build and maintain relationships?
3. Authority. God tells us to respect Him and to obey His commandments. The world tells our sons to chase their own happiness. How can moms teach their boys to honor authority?
4. Fun. Anxiety in boys today is through the roof. Did you know that humor and laughter can diminish the effects of stress and anxiety?
5. Bravery. Kids today are more afraid to take basic risks—but risk-taking is required for growing in confidence and bravery. How can you build your son’s sense of courage and confidence to tackle life’s challenges?
6. Tenderness. We want to raise strong boys with soft hearts. Cultivating a proper sense of tenderness is possible!
7. Creativity. Eight-year-olds are spending five and a half hours per day consuming digital entertainment. If your son’s creativity is being stifled, you can reawaken creative exploration in the real world.
8. Emotional durability. How do you teach your son to express himself in a healthy way instead of the cultural norm of numbing out on a device?
We’re wise to step back and take note of how our culture is shaping or not shaping our boys. That's why we'll cover research explaining why these components are critical to raising sons and how today’s boys are uniquely left wanting in these areas. Best of all, you’ll find practical and biblical tools for building up boys and for reinvigorating connections with loved ones.
Excerpt adapted from Mothering Boys: 8 Things Your Son Needs from You before He Turns 10 by Molly DeFrank. Released by Baker Publishing.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/greg801
